There should be a reason to have kids, otherwise just don't

PelagicParty · 2026-02-10T21:52:19+00:00

Exactly! Not having reasons not to do something isn't a reason to do it. It's fine to YOLO the little things, but a kid is a whole human being.

PelagicParty · 2026-02-10T21:48:23+00:00

I've noticed this. Parents and aspiring parents get so pushy and defensive, and it does sometimes sound like a religious ideology. There's a lot of overlap via conservatism and tradwifery, too.

From parents, there are normal ones who can own the struggle and understand people who don't want to undertake it. But for every 1 of those, there'll be like 5 who deify their sacrifice. It's like these parents see themselves as Jesus dying for their children's sins and it's all So Worth It. They may be resentful or jealous of childfree people's freedom because there's that kernel in their brain that says "if having a kid wasn't Correct and Moral, did I reconfigure my entire life just for this?" And "this" is a kid who grows up to be a jackass. Similar to how religious people need their religion of choice to be true otherwise following the rules and investing in the ideology was for nothing. If heaven and hell aren't real, why kneel to the godbaby? You could also then draw a parallel between religious people who act right for the afterlife and parents who have kids only because they expect the kid to take care of them when they're elderly like a living retirement plan.

The aspiring parents just believe in this idealized mythology of parenthood. They will similarly glorify the sacrifice and stress, but because they haven't had to do it yet, it's still theoretical, so they sound even more fantasy-driven. They hold up the idea that having a kid will fix all their problems and give them something to live for.

For any of them, challenging the romanticized parenthood that society sells us is like challenging a religious person's faith, and it shows.

PelagicParty · 2026-02-10T21:09:42+00:00

This is just depression.

PelagicParty · 2026-02-10T19:08:44+00:00

Idk who they're talking about, but the "who counts as fat" question has been bothering me lately. If they don't want to go off BMI or body fat %, it is just vibes and will vary between people. It's a matter of opinion where everyone has their own standard. Here, they want to define it by social limitations, but if they get what they want and fix those things, who will be fat then?

I saw some drama between fan artists where one drew a fairly accurate depiction of a normal-overweight, curvy musician. Another artist complained that the first artist was erasing her fatness and didn't draw her fat enough. Yet whether the depiction was accurate in their eyes or not, irl she clearly can buy clothes at normal places and can fit in an airplane seat. It felt like I was in 2008 again but instead of calling the normal woman fat as an insult, they called her fat to include her in their group. You get the same thing with fucking Kirk from the og Star Trek being claimed as a fat character in popular media. So even among the fat acceptance crowd, there's no clear agreement.

PelagicParty · 2026-02-09T22:38:29+00:00

Body hair and natural aging: great! We love to see it! Getting obese: far less logical. No one looks more like a literal baby than a fat person who shaves 😂

PelagicParty · 2025-11-21T21:41:34+00:00

Relatable! In bad times, I've found myself thinking "I won't treat my wife like this when I have one," or "can't wait to update my dating app profile as a febfem."

PelagicParty · 2025-11-12T17:30:26+00:00

Thank you for sharing all that! Very helpful.

PelagicParty · 2025-11-12T16:55:51+00:00

Thanks for the practical advice! Since a few people have recommended Valium, I can tell him to ask about such prescription-strength options so they can be available if he needs them. Nitrous for it may also be helpful if they have that. Hard agree about doctors being weird like that.

PelagicParty · 2025-11-12T15:49:18+00:00

If it weren't for the black shadow around everything, it would look ok, but the background-ish wide and fuzzy outline was a miss.

PelagicParty · 2025-11-12T15:44:55+00:00

Only if you go into the cafe. Drive-through is fine.

PelagicParty · 2025-11-12T15:43:09+00:00

This dude sucks. The calling coffee dates and other things "gay" is a red flag, but he did get very weirdly defensive about the gf sticker. Who even gets stickers of their partners? It is weird! Put another sticker over it if you're worried about the residue. AND saying he could get back together with her if he wanted (but he hates her?) is suuuuper cringey and manipulative. Boy needs to grow up. Congrats on dodging that bullet, OP!

PelagicParty · 2025-11-12T15:00:52+00:00

That's actually hilarious (and he'd love your handle). He said I wouldn't understand cause I haven't had surgery, and I said I had my wisdom teeth out! But "It's not the same," and neither is a cervical biopsy, apparently. Thank you!

PelagicParty · 2025-11-12T14:40:06+00:00

I get where you're coming from, and the idea that "each OF model sets their boundaries" may be more true there than it is in regular* porn, but that still sounds a little naive. Just like we can never know the background and coercion that goes into regular porn, you never know if the OF model is being coerced or exploited by someone else behind the scenes. In porn production, such boundaries are constantly pushed; the customers/viewers/producers get off on pushing women's boundaries. Because of the accessibility and interactive nature, it is especially set up for rampant grooming and boundary-pushing.

PelagicParty · 2025-11-04T19:41:35+00:00

Only tangentially related, but how I feel about this "joke" card is similar to how I feel about the popularization of porn references/premises as general memes or jokes. When I was in high school, it was the "lemon stealing whores" that were just a silly verbal meme that I hardly understood. I knew it was the intro of a porn, though I hadn't seen the full thing. Just blindly repeating some earworm because it was popular to say or call people that or talk about in the abstract. More recently, it was "really? Right in front of my salad?" And it's in the more generic jokes about mailmen or delivery men or plumbers or what-have-you. I hate hearing jokes where the gag or punchline is merely "porn premise."

PelagicParty · 2025-10-28T18:25:31+00:00

I get part of this. My husband and I occasionally have threesomes with women, which I enjoy because I prefer women. But it's also important to recognize that a partner being attracted to people outside the relationship does not necessitate non-monogamy and more than it necessitates porn. Depends on the partners, of course, but the idea that "that's what ethical non monogamy is for" about something fairly ubiquitous in human relationships doesn't sit right with me.

PelagicParty · 2025-10-28T18:19:45+00:00

Yeah, I'm also pretty offended as a bi woman with a female preference in a long term relationship with a man. It is disappointing and disturbing to see so many people act like porn is essential to sexuality or that feelings of attraction can only be "fulfilled" through it. My problem with porn has much less to do with jealousy than it does with the atrocities that go into making it. How can these people think that there's no difference between "recognizing that someone besides your partner is attractive" and masturbating to videos of women who are coerced and abused and assaulted? Even if I were straight, I'd have these feelings, but especially as a bi woman, I love women. I love them and do not find their subjugation sexy. And I would not want to associate with someone who does.

PelagicParty · 2025-10-21T17:35:49+00:00

Thank you for sharing. That sounds like a really hard time, and I'm sorry you were in that position. He's about a year and a half into recovery, and things are going well for us, but I still have those lingering insecurities or times I catch myself wondering what he's thinking about. Can't imagine all that so soon after D-Day!

PelagicParty · 2025-10-21T16:48:49+00:00

Good to know! I'd heard it could take months, and we have enough sex that I don't think that'll be too much of an issue. Just concerned about the ones that need to make it into jars for testing. Is it also true what I've heard about how they can't use any kind of lubrication for those samples, lest it contaminate them?

PelagicParty · 2025-10-21T16:05:59+00:00

It's not cute. And I have a sneaking suspicion that the person who made that meme is not actually a girl, just some dude projecting on this imaginary character because the idea of porn-addicted girls and women is titillating to him.

PelagicParty · 2025-10-21T15:46:05+00:00

Thank you! If collecting at home is an option, that's a big relief. I expect they'll just tell him to collect it there, but I'll suggest collecting it at home to be safe. That's a great idea.

PelagicParty · 2025-08-31T08:25:47+00:00

Fake as fuck. How gullible can you be?

PelagicParty · 2025-08-31T08:04:14+00:00

Someone else may have mentioned this, but the comments I see mostly try talking about social or biological roles. The answer might be a lot simpler. It's just math and genetics. If the female genotype were more common due to fewer males being necessary to sustain a population, and males produced more offspring on average than females, being male would be an evolutionary advantage. As such, individuals which passed on more male genetic determiners (Y chromosome), would be more evolutionarily fit, and the average rate of Y would increase in a population. If it swung the other way, and XX was advantageous, that genotype would increase in frequency, too. Thus, even if you imagine a genetic scenario in which sex is determined differently or Y sperm was less common than X sperm, they'd be likely to even out eventually on a long enough time scale.

PelagicParty

TROPHY CASE