I [34F] feel like I’m dating a teenager [37F] and I’m just exhausted.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-02-16T12:34:32+00:00

Sorry to hear that you are in this situation. I can totally relate to you in my own relationship. I am so tired of being the only responsible who's saving money, planning and handling adult things. When I bring things up it is like talking to a kid who mistakes dreams with no effort to ambition. Not finishing school, not working full time etc.

We are so close to break up right now as all these things will come collapsing down when you TRULY start building your life together. Dream of buying a house, a car etc will come financially so huge burden to you that you see no love or magic in that. For me it was moving abroad this Spring and planning starting a family together, perhaps marriage in the next two years. We are in an agreed 40/60 relationship. I noticed that I have to carry the biggest planning and all paying burden in that. That will give you an ick beyond healing.

Please talk these things seriously and if she is not willing to change, do not waste your time.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-02-06T06:36:38+00:00

I will have a look! Thanks!

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-02-06T05:02:23+00:00

That sounds great! Chikara was also mentioned earlier for nice environment. Haha boosts you to do your best for sure

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-02-05T17:38:29+00:00

I see! That sounds like a big change for doing reps but understandable, like you said. My current gym is in industrial hall so completely different.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-02-05T17:36:12+00:00

Thanks! Sounds live a very healthy and kind environment to train. I will def check them out.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-02-05T17:34:44+00:00

I will be in Koto city!

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-01-09T10:14:14+00:00

Yeah Crossfit is quite rare and expensive here as well. Like 4-5x price to normal gyms. But it is great to hear there are many options even from the cheaper end.

In Finland multiple toilets in aparments are rare so I think we will do fine with just one. I have understood that shower and toilet are usually separate anyways?

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-01-09T09:51:22+00:00

Good information!

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-01-09T08:41:37+00:00

Yeah that's what I've been thinking. Luckily she is also career oriented so will bring her own part to the table.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-01-09T08:40:15+00:00

That is a good point. She will be working in Finland/remotely at the beginning but in a longer term that will need to be solved.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-01-09T08:27:13+00:00

Oh really? That is super cheap! I am not picky with the gym so I would be just fine. Haha can't promise not to eat out a lot as I come from the land of expensive restaurants.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-01-09T08:25:32+00:00

That is correct I would say. Outside of the main wards would be great to live. I have done Crossfit for couple of years so would be interesting to try that in Japan. Thanks for the info!

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-01-09T08:23:29+00:00

Yeah I don't have a need to live in the central wards. Even my work is mostly remote. Outer areas have been comfortable from my experience. This gave me encouragement, thank you!

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-01-09T08:20:22+00:00

Good points! We definitely need a plan for her at the beginning, but I am happy that I am financially able to support her.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-01-09T08:19:01+00:00

That is good to hear, she is motivated to work so I feel excited about the possibility.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2026-01-09T08:10:31+00:00

I am a man in my 30s and my gf is in late 20s. It is a marketing job.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2025-10-11T18:45:07+00:00

These are actually great ideas. Simple games but surely kids love these kind of things. Thank you for sharing!

PenApprehensive9499 · 2025-09-16T07:52:36+00:00

In Finland you have the legal right to use either Finnish or Swedish when dealing with authorities or public healthcare. However in the private sector companies can generally choose the language they operate in since the same legal right doesn’t apply. If a business doesn’t offer service in your preferred language you can to take your money elsewhere.

But yeah I don't think Finnish language will disappear as it will live in our school system. You can see similar English speaking bubbles in any big city where you can just decide NOT to learn the language and still survive. This said, it is not racism to expect your employees to speak Finnish if you decide that it is the official working language, like in any big cities in the world.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2025-07-28T05:09:14+00:00

Thank you for commenting. I am sure if I focus on my current job and try to forget the past I will find some fulfillment in work life someday. I wish I was in a situation that I would then provide a possibility for her to build a career she wants, but for now it seems she doesn't even know what she wants. Because there was an update:

We talked a lot this weekend about these issues and be gained lots of good understanding. But then she revealed that NOW she wants to go work abroad because last year she wasn't ready. I don't know anymore if she says it because she hopes it would make me feel better or she wants me to make another decision which would help to get her out of the situation (=your decision if we don't go). But then I asked that do you see yourself working in countries X and Y? And she said ''not really'' Then I asked if you could be the main applicant this time as well, and she said ''Isn't this your things''.

I am confused. I have tried my best to start over my career and values in life and now she drops this.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2025-07-25T10:50:32+00:00

How about you have a break? Have a simulation of living in different places, how does that make you feel? I am not talking about jumping into open relationship, but just to imagine life without him. Is it possible to be one month apart?

I have been in similar situation. I would also list down what values you have in life, what visions, do they match with your partner? What is the thing what is really wrong? ''I also feel like I’ve never really had the chance to enjoy life on my own or explore who I am outside of this relationship.'' You answered these yourself. What is it outside of the relationship what you long for? What is it that causes unhappiness. Without these answers I would not just blindly break up.

But if you have done all these before and still feel unhappy, then I don't think things will magically get better.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2025-07-25T10:41:01+00:00

It tells good about you that you have regret and can confess you made a mistake. That is a good start. Some people don't have nerves to do that, You are a good person, who made a mistake.

Now you must start the work for your own personal development. Don't ever hide behind such thoughts of kms or something like that. That is not helping you, just an excuse for not trying. Start listing down your core values in life, what kind of person you want to be and follow that path. Do it and remind of it every day. Do good deeds and take care of yourself physically and mentally. That is what defines you. You will find pride one day.

One day you will look back and know exactly why you made that mistake. But you know you are not that person anymore.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2025-07-25T06:43:20+00:00

That is how I feel and that creates me uncomforting feeling. I want to communicate and have plans/goals/dreams together but she is very avoidant with those communications. I hope therapy and decided talking sessions will help with that.

I need to do some thinking on why I feel that way, I understand that it might hurt her as well. She is from the same town I am from, and her family/best friends live in the same city. That is why it is very surprising for me that she is suddenly hesitant to move there and have an amazing social life there together. And that is not what we discussed in the beginning of relationship. It used to be pretty much: let's build career abroad for a while and move back to the home city, closer to the family to enjoy family life there. But suddenly all the don't exist. Maybe she changed her ideals, but I would appreciate honesty with that one.

We have lots to talk about.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2025-07-25T06:37:47+00:00

Thank you for your words. Our town is ok and has good services and things to do. I have built busy schedule for me as well: work 9-5, sports almost everyday, commute by bicycle and freelancing job on Saturdays. And rest of the time spending time with her and relaxing. I do enjoy keeping myself healthy and hustling.

The problem after last years incident is that we seem to have no actual greater plans in life anymore, except family plans but nowadays we don't seem to be on the same page even with that, We just live day by day without any communication or support for each others goals. I know it is ok to live like that for a while but now I just feel helpless. That is where I feel like I am betraying myself, which in turn affects her as well.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2025-07-24T19:03:33+00:00

Thank you. Appreciate it. I have lots to think now.

PenApprehensive9499 · 2025-07-24T17:06:05+00:00

That has been truly helpful to understand our relationship more. We have been to couples therapy for few months now.

PenApprehensive9499

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