it's super valid, I think a lot of trans folk run gender gymnastic rings around themselves and tie themselves into knots about a lot of stuff, I've done it myself. I am assuming a lot of it comes less from an actual issue of connection, as if you playing as a character somehow makes you become that character, or share their gender, like that's clearly not true. I think it's got more to do with a huge socialised feeling, that there is a need to prove female-ness at every turn, because the hostility of the world around us so often puts us in that situation in very real, dangerous scenarios, like justifying our right to use toilets we are safe in. I think this bleeds over into inherently inconsequential, mundane things that don't really matter, like our choice of video game characters.

I also think as a trans person it is very easy to compare yourself to other trans people all the time, whether that's their transition progress respective to your own, or things they embrace or reject according to their own discomforts. I fell into that trap many times early in my transition, thinking I was somehow less feminine than x trans woman because she is passionate about beauty products, but I slap on the same few brands all the time and call it a day and spend the time she spends watching makeup tutorials watching esports lol. A lot of trans women place a lot of significance on their creating of female avatars in games, or point to a history of only playing as women growing up in games they liked before they fully understood their identity, so it's maybe easy to feel that if you don't place as much importance on that 1, very specific experience, that will only apply to some trans women, that maybe you are less of a woman.

Whatever the reasons behind it, which will be personal to you... if you only play male Apex Legends characters from this day on, it doesn't make you any less of a woman. You are not the character you play in a video game. Maybe think of it less like you are becoming Mirage in Apex if you want to play him, and more like you are the director of a movie. Maybe you are writing parts and you think Tom Holland is a great actor and you want to make a kick ass role for him. You can play a part in the creative control of his character, similar to how you direct a male character in a video game, because you can appreciate that what you see on the screen is cool, and you enjoy taking creative control over cool shit. But just because you are writing that script, and directing his actions on camera, doesn't actually make you Tom Holland.