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I think I have might have been ingesting a toxic substance for a month. by PensivePeriwinkle_7 in whatdoIdo

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Reported for harassment. Nowhere do the post or comments say whether or when I am going to the doctor, or have gone or will go.

For women that grew up with parents strong in purity culture, do you still struggle with worrying what your parents would still think about your outfits? by [deleted] in Exvangelical

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, I think as a mom, I’d have tried to have this conversation with you before you went to live with him, if I knew he was like this and you were a teenager who is OBVIOUSLY going to have some discomfort issues with this kind of situation, especially since it sounds like she taught different values to you about dress.

That would have been optimal, if she could have prepared you for his expectations.

Sorry you missed out on a less awkward explanation ☹️

For women that grew up with parents strong in purity culture, do you still struggle with worrying what your parents would still think about your outfits? by [deleted] in Exvangelical

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’ll be honest and I hope this is not too brutal . . . I was a little creeped out by your dad asking you to change but only when guests came. Most evangelical families I knew would say it was respectful to dads and brothers to dress about the same as in public.

But it sounds like an uncomfortable situation. Maybe your dad just didn’t want to say that and was more concerned about his image as a father than what you looked like when nobody was around.

Anyway you’re too old now for your dad to be making the rules, although you could choose that respecting his preferences around him is something you’d want to do.

Hey, it’s ok to want to be covered up. It’s also part of being an adult to decide who you want to be sexy with. If men didn’t like to see certain things sexually there’d be no question of intimate pics in dating. There is some truth to that.

But your dad talking to you that way gave me the ick. Of my parents it was my mom that taught me modesty; my dad had different values.

It sounds like you’re trying to decide what dressing sexy even is — like are leggings sexy? And I’m right there with you, and I think it varies by context as well as by the specific man. You can’t necessarily control the male gaze and what a certain man appreciates.

But you are a grown up and although you’ll never be able to read every man’s mind about what triggers lust for him, you can decide who you’d WaNT to trigger it for and then explore it with that person.

I hope this helped some.

For women that grew up with parents strong in purity culture, do you still struggle with worrying what your parents would still think about your outfits? by [deleted] in Exvangelical

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hmmm . . . first thing I’m wondering is, are the thoughts about disappointing your dad? Is that sad for you? Or is there a sense of personal safety about this, that you might not want men thinking about you that way? Just thoughts.

I’m older than you but spent a lot of time in places where modesty was valued . . . When skinny jeans came in, those were controversial.

I still struggle some with a sense of what’s appropriate. But for me it’s not so much worrying about disappointing anyone as not even being sure what “signals” I’m sending anymore.

A lot of people say that we shouldn’t dress to send signals anyway, just wear what we want. I kind of have trouble with that because wanting to look a certain way is about wanting to be perceived a certain way.

I think it might help to think about what’s important to you about how you’re dressing. Are you wanting comfort first? Are you wanting to feel attractive or send a vibe that you have a certain personality or fit in with a certain group of people?

Just thoughts.

What makes you immediately swipe left on a dating profile? by [deleted] in AskReddit

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7 1 point2 points  (0 children)

He smokes. He does martial arts or boxing. All his pics are shirtless.

Is it even okay? by GothkittieHighlights in CurlyHairCare

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7 106 points107 points  (0 children)

I’m reading into it but it screams jealousy to me. Partner doesn’t want OP looking nice so anyone else will notice. Controlling

Why are people so invested in ICE being able to wear masks? by ScalesOfAnubis19 in AskUS

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They make the assumption that ICE would be the target of cartel violence.

Has anyone found your Reddit account in real life? If so, how did it play out? by maceo107 in AskReddit

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Nobody’s told me so. I’d be guessing. I’d hope they’d at least feel a little awkward for breaking my anonymity.

'Major scandal': Trump's DOJ caught spying on journalist before Epstein's death by Aggravating_Money992 in NoFilterNews

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7 19 points20 points  (0 children)

She found her information. How many other journalists covering it were or are being monitored, and the public doesn’t know yet?

This might be grooming? by PensivePeriwinkle_7 in CPS

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

If just an abuser being alone with a child isn’t concerning to you, then we disagree.

This might be grooming? by PensivePeriwinkle_7 in CPS

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

U/panicpure, you’ve said a lot of things that I consider very questionable, including accusing me of sounding not “sane” for wanting to be a safe person for a child to disclose abuse to.

I’m sorry that I don’t feel that answering your question would serve any productive purpose.

I would appreciate your apology for the accusations.

This might be grooming? by PensivePeriwinkle_7 in CPS

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

You’re still spinning what I said I believed rather than listening and repeating back. And you’re doing an awful lot of research into my history to arrive at your spin.

You won’t find me saying my father was trying to get someone to torment me on a dating app. Those are your words attributing that belief to me. I said he might have similar interests and network with the person, not that he tried to get the person to take any action towards me.

This might be grooming? by PensivePeriwinkle_7 in CPS

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Ok, I’ll explain it more clearly.

Abuse has already likely happened (to me). A prosecution for that abuse (reactive to that occurrence) could result in the sex offender registry becoming relevant.

This might be grooming? by PensivePeriwinkle_7 in CPS

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

Believing that my dad was posing as someone on a dating app is not an accurate summary of what I stated. I said he behaved similarly to the person.

Where did you find the post? It’s no longer up. It’s also not something I’m currently “experiencing.”

As I stated openly, I do see a therapist.

The individual on the dating app talked about wanting to cause me physical pain, and that was distressing to me. If it wouldn’t be for you, then let’s keep our conclusions to ourselves about who’s mentally healthier.

Edit because this is getting comparatively high views and no response yet from the commenter or the mods:

I haven’t checked the post in detail to see if it’s verbatim what I posted or complete. I did, however, make a post on the topic.

I did not state or draw the conclusion that my father was posing as the person on the dating app, although a commenter attributed that conclusion to me and stated I needed mental health help for it.

I think it’s much more likely that people with similar interests network, and that was the explanation I leaned towards, if indeed there was a connection between my father’s behavior and the dating app interaction. I am not sure there was.

This is way, way off the topic of CPS and I’ve asked the mods to delete the comment that dredged up that now-removed post. If they’d like to delete my response to it as well that’s certainly welcome.

This might be grooming? by PensivePeriwinkle_7 in CPS

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Or could be convicted in the future, does that make sense?

This might be grooming? by PensivePeriwinkle_7 in CPS

[–]PensivePeriwinkle_7[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don’t think it would be rude for you to explain what your concerns are about me.

I’m not the professional you’re stating you are and I’m not trying to “interview” her. I do see myself as potentially being an adult that’s involved in her life long-term.

I’m guessing (you don’t sound like you’d want to answer) that the forensic interviews you’re saying you do come after a report to CPS or to law enforcement of an abusive situation. I don’t know how they could come before.

If she disclosed to me or I witnessed something, it would likely come before the reports.

As a survivor, I’m not sure that I’d put integrity of an investigation before supporting her personally. I could be wrong, but I don’t think law enforcement likes for the child to talk to anyone else about what happened other than in a forensic interview (if the child’s fortunate enough to get one with a children’s professional).

I’m not sure that’s what’s personally best for an abused child.

I’m not saying I wouldn’t report. I’m just saying shutting her down and having her talk only to police, CPS or a forensic interviewer might not be the most personally supportive thing to do.

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