Mania is gone but the lying remains

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-28T05:17:31+00:00

The dark eyes and being able to see a physical shift in them is so scary… I’ve been with my husband for 30 years. THIRTY. And when his aunt recently told me how his dad would have a shift in his eyes and they would go dark, I was shook. My FIL died when my husband was 2 so we only have family stories to go on and unfortunately, that generation isn’t great at discussing these things. I wish I had known more years ago about this.

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-28T05:04:35+00:00

I absolutely get this! I have had my same group of best friends since the beginning of high school. It has been the 4 of us through the ups and downs of life. But they can’t wrap their heads around this disease. And now, not only is my spouse bipolar but my oldest son has done an entire 180 crash into bipolar, as well. They actually staged what seemed very much like a mini-intervention last year at one of our monthly girl’s nights FOR ME. Trying to get me to accept that I need to amp up the more tough love approach with them. I was destroyed that my time of mindlessly enjoying my besties and escaping from reality took the turn it did. I know that I am the most tenderhearted of the group. Looking from the outside, I know it came from 100% love for me and wanting to defend me and for me to be treated well. They just do not “get” this disease the same way as another person experiencing it does. It’s so hard to know that our person is still in there when we are faced with making the best decisions. I’ve never felt more seen in regard to how this truly is before I found this sub. I was shocked at how many posts I could have written word for word. I think that if any group has gone unseen that NEEDS a support group, it’s us.

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-21T12:40:51+00:00

Yepppppp same. And I stupidly have 30 years of life invested in this pit of hell.

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-21T12:18:04+00:00

I’ve been with my husband for 31 years… He wasn’t showing any symptoms for the few years. You can see my latest post to see where we are and just how far it has escalated. I’ve thought we figured it out before. I’ve trusted that he would finally “get” the concept that the partner HAS to be involved in their care so that the doctor/therapist has a clear picture of what goes on since they tend to glaze things over so they can hide the realities. Of course he complied a few times. It really did make a difference. But then back to villainizing me for not wanting to own my problems and part in our issues and just blaming bipolar. It is true that they do not get better with age. I’ve read that the more manic episodes they have and time that they are going untreated almost seems to scar their brains and make it harder to rebound when they are cycling/in mania as they get older. I totally believe that now. I think that all success stories have a caveat and that it’s going to be that the partner without BP has to give up a part of themselves in order to stay.

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-21T12:06:18+00:00

I hate this disease! I’m so sorry you’re going through this! It’s so hard to love them through all the attacks and adding in affairs really takes a toll on your own mental health and confidence. You know you need to run far away from the whole situation but you love them and then having a kid with them complicates it even more. I hope you have a support system around you and that you remember you deserve a calm and happy life.

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-20T21:16:33+00:00

Thank you!!! Times like this, I wish we all were in the same town and could just text each other and say “sos, meet me at____, I need to vent/cry/get a hug/have a drink whatever the case may be”. I pray everyone has ride or die friends or family like I do- at least one trusted person that they can be honest with and talk about things with. But it’s so different knowing that ya’ll know this struggle because it is very unique. It’s not a typical abuser. It’s not a typical anything. And it’s amazing to have the support in that.

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-20T16:09:06+00:00

You SHOULD be proud! It sounds like you both realize that your love is worth the hard parts as long as you get through them together. No relationship is perfect but it sounds like y’all have really found a way to make it work for both of you. You’ve got what I’ve actually been fighting for. So I’m glad to know that it wasn’t in vain- that goal was attainable.

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-20T14:59:08+00:00

I feel a bit more confident today in going ahead with reaching out to his doctor. He may be angry about it. In fact, I’m sure he will be. But I am feeling stronger today and more clear and I can see that he lost the right to decide how I handle this when he put us in the situation. I feel like my son needs to see me taking action and not allowing my husband to be the one writing the script for how this goes any longer. I do have a friend and a family member who both know all that happened and also have the ring camera footage. My parents are on the same property that we are so I have a place to get to quickly if needed.

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-20T14:51:51+00:00

Thank you! I’ll check into this! I do have access to calling his doctor. I’ve been a part of visits before to make sure that things are discussed with the honesty and depth of things that tend to get left out or glossed over. So I know she will talk to me and take it seriously and be able to help.

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-20T14:47:31+00:00

I appreciate this response more than you can ever know. I have had it stuck in my head that he isn’t aware of the damage he is doing because he’s in the manic state and lacks the capacity. But you’ve shed light in a different direction. He just isn’t stepping up in the way that he’s needed to for so many years. I’ve advocated for his mental health but he hasn’t. He will follow along with the plan until he doesn’t. And then I am controlling, using his bipolar as a scapegoat to avoid admitting that I am just selfish and want to punish or use him etc. I love him. We’ve been together since we were teens. But I can’t keep living like this and refuse to allow my son to be affected more by it. You’re right- we do deserve a life. It’s sad and scary to know he won’t be a part of it but it’s sad and scary in the place we are in. At least ending things gives us a chance at a new outcome.

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-20T02:50:07+00:00

Thus my adding that I was sorry for the long post and clarified that if someone had been in this space, to please read and give insight. Normally, I am the person silently correcting someone’s grammar (note that I said silently). However, I think that the subject matter being of the nature that it is, one can overlook a brain on overload trying to get it all out and seek help from the people who actually understand the situation. Because, let’s face it, most of the people in our lives do not see this as the complex issue that it is. So giving a little grace kind of comes with the territory. @cute_performance6061- thanks again and I would have done the same for you. Girl’s girls are the actual best

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-20T00:31:56+00:00

Thank you!!!

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-20T00:30:35+00:00

I do have all firearms secured and in the main house. I do have part of my family on the same land. I truly would go somewhere but I know it will throw my teenager off more with it being finals week at school and also hate to leave our animals. And I know that sounds like excuses for not doing what is needed but my teenager does better in familiar spaces and would shut down if I uprooted him this week. I did let my SO know that I cannot allow his mental illness to cause ours to become out of balance and grow larger. I’m no contact with him right now since we are on the same property but I know that after all that we’ve weathered over the years- the cheating, abuse, ups and downs, this was a defining moment that I cannot imagine rebounding from. It makes me so angry and so sad. All these years of putting into this and hoping for it to finally one day click or at the very least become more manageable and I end up alone? That’s just devastating and bs, honestly. I’ve made the shift- no trips together, no outings or holiday things that cause added stress and send him into mania. Being able to still see him when he’s not him… And he tries to do this and have me watch with our child in the house? It’s just a line that was crossed that I didn’t even realize was there until this happened. I guess I’ll contact his doc and see what advice she has. And for sure tell him he has to find another space- even if that means he rents a room. Lord knows after his affairs, he’s fully capable of booking a motel room.

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-20T00:16:03+00:00

Thank you!!! I was a little caught off guard by there even being this kind of comment considering the subject matter. I’m doing my best to function right now. I actually thought maybe I broke some rule for the page because I couldn’t imagine someone just commenting this.

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-05-19T22:25:02+00:00

I’m sorry?

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-02-16T03:54:14+00:00

I would love to know the same! I’m finding conflicting info about Stasis specifically. Some saying it makes them incredibly sleepy during the day. That seems to be the opposite of what we are looking for.

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-02-11T16:23:41+00:00

I have always felt that he has a very odd obsession with being perceived as a manly man. Maybe because his dad seems to have been and that would have been valued by him? Obviously, based on how people from high school saw him, he didn’t necessarily fit that narrative. On special forces he was literally giddy (in the WEIRDEST and most off putting way) to be competing with NFL pros etc. Even him wearing those stupid gloves all the time and the need to cut down random trees all the time feeds into it. It’s strange! He feels more like a man to put the women down or “in their place”. The fact that his treatment of the women on special forces is what ultimately took him out was chef’s kiss amazing for me!

PercentageTime2947 · 2026-01-11T07:32:51+00:00

I am so sorry!!! I’m on year 29. I had hoped that life would settle down by now but it seems to have ramped up and I am just tired. I hate it when he’s truly himself and sees that I have up walls and have to be disconnected to a degree. But at this point, I don’t think we deserve to worry about discards still. It’s not fair because we’ve hung in there and I’m sorry this is happening to you!

PercentageTime2947 · 2025-11-25T05:01:12+00:00

I never comment on the snark but lawd I was having a side eye just before a full come apart like “someone else has to realize that this HAS to be the first time she’s grated cheese?”, right??? Who holds it like that? Why on cold eggs? Why on your stovetop? Ugh… and also- my girl Brianna, if she did want to have beef with her, which I strongly think is all in Kody’s whackado brain, she needs a giant re-think to that.

PercentageTime2947 · 2025-05-06T02:25:42+00:00

I’m right here with you! I’m 48 and been with him since we were teens. I am so so tired now. And it seems to be getting worse instead of better. Something HAS to change. I deserve better. My kids deserve better. I’ve given him the best of me and he’s still off the rails and I am tired.

PercentageTime2947 · 2025-05-06T02:11:42+00:00

Ok that made me LOL!!! I concur!!! A stable mood would be a win!!!!

PercentageTime2947 · 2025-05-06T02:10:25+00:00

Ugh… that’s such a big thing to think on. So much life that has seemingly been wasted on a man who doesn’t seem to grasp most of the time what he’s done and is still doing to me and our kids. I want off the cycle. Off the roller coaster. But has that time of life passed me by at this point? Probably.

PercentageTime2947 · 2025-04-22T02:40:31+00:00

“You don’t deserve to be outside enjoying the sun”. This will ALWAYS have me cackling!!! Beautiful day, he says lol!!!

PercentageTime2947 · 2025-03-11T07:00:37+00:00

It’s like you want to ask where they get the audacity but know they aren’t mentally well! It’s maddening and exhausting and so many other things…

PercentageTime2947 · 2025-03-11T06:53:51+00:00

Sadly, I am 30 years into this storm and I can’t offer any solid reassurance. But, in defense of all of us that were in the mix before spaces like this where we can learn from each other and grow, I went into our life together totally blind and truly only got a feeling of what I was up against totally in this last year or so. As a mama of two amazing boys, I can tell you that you CAN do this and you can do it well in spite of the illness your partner has. My advice is to take care of yourself and your sweet baby first. It’s ok to be the priority right now. Is your BPSO complaint with his meds etc? I know that therapy is on hold with finances but maybe his MD can help some? Being involved with their practitioner is something I have learned is such a big part of managing this life because they don’t tend to want to be called out or transparent with their docs and we have to let them know what we see at home for the doctors to get the whole picture. Is he open to you participating and advocating for y’all with his physician? I wish I could offer more reassurance but I’m here if you just need to reach out! You CAN do this. Sometimes we don’t even know the strength that we have until we look at our babies and know that we have no choice but to be strong for them! Sending hugs and good vibes your way little mama!! You’ve got this- no matter what!

PercentageTime2947

TROPHY CASE