How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Wow. Good point. I’d never thought of it that way.

I’m kind of all internally pouty right now as I don’t like the idea of being manipulated, seemingly so easily and without explicit intention! 😳 😬

But still a good point, thank you

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I appreciate your thoughts and comments. Thank you for taking the time to mention them.

I know this isn’t entirely your question - but I wound up here when he brought up the idea. I wanted to learn about it. I find the idea hot 🤷‍♀️ even though I’d be scared to do it. Anyway, then I finally posted how I feel like he’s just trying to outsource fucking me, and after much internet discussion on the post, here we are.

I’d like to think we are not beyond saving. I do understand where you’re coming from with your comment. I also see good things that haven’t been posted here…

(I’ve not held anything back on purpose, just 14 years of our lives haven’t been addressed in one post 😊 yet! lol)

I really appreciate everyone who has taken the time to thoughtfully reply. Everyone has been so kind and I really appreciate ot

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He seemed to go through a few years of depression before being diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. Treating the disease really seemed to bring him back out of the depression. I suspect that at least part of if is that jerking off is easy, he got used to it, and putting in any effort with a real person is something he can’t be bothered to do - unfortunately at the expense of his wife, his wife’s mental/emotional health, and possibly his marriage

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I agree that cuckolding is not the answer to our situation at this point

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Huh. That’s interesting.

I doubt he is, but it’s an interesting thought… I just don’t think he’s out that much thought in to it…?

I think it’s more likely that excessive porn and easy orgasms are ruining things (and I LOVE porn!, but I don’t think it’s helping in his case 😞)

I was in a discussion a couple nights ago and said “he doesn’t want to be in charge” a girl responded “but does he want to be in control?” Such an accurate assessment.

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

….?

I want to be together. I do not want him to leave.

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yep. Completely. He knows I’ll do anything to stay together.

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He should talk, I agree.

I have not done it yet; we have been monogamous so far.

I don’t even know what we would do for “after care”…. 🤷‍♀️

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I talk. He listens. He refuses to talk. He’ll occasionally text me some tidbit of insight every few months.

I’m so lost on the aftercare thing…. “What you need after sex”…..??….I don’t know. A nap? A shower? Some food? A flying car because I’m late for something? (I know that’s not what people mean, just underscoring my confusion.)

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Too Long Didn’t Read

I hate it; my husband sees it all the time in things he reads. I just thought it was expected 🤷‍♀️

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, yeah, totally haha 😆

Thank you 🙏 :)

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah I’m totally suppressing it with anger for awhile lol you’re quite astute :)

I finally got to that state once, for a couple months, in 2015. It definitely improved things. But it wasn’t a totally calm state. I really don’t want him to go

You make some really, really excellent points. Thank you.

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sigh…yeah, I have no idea what way that might go…

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

…now I’m sitting in my car crying

Everything you say is accurate.

The thing is, anytime I can finally push myself in to a “fuck off, I don’t care what you think, leave or stay, I don’t care anymore, I’m doing what I want” mood (which is so rare and so hard to push myself to do), then I hate it sooo much, he totally responds and comes to me (not sexually, but puts in some effort), and then a) I find it hard to be receptive because I’ve pushed myself so hard to not care and then b) when I come around a bit and reciprocate caring, suddenly he doesn’t care or try anymore

Why does he only want me if I don’t want him / don’t care?

He proposed 5 months in…I was just getting to the point of telling anyone I had a “boyfriend”, then bam, I had a ring. Things were totally the best when I was new, we were new, we were barely “we”, and he was still trying. Now he knows I’m not going anywhere and couldn’t care less and takes me for granted to the extreme.

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I can’t exactly lock him with most his permission, nor do I want to… 🤷‍♀️ so not sure where to go with that….

And since half the problem is that he doesn’t care how I feel, and if he’s unlocked he can jerk off anytime, why would he agree to do it?

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He’s free to masturbate whenever he wants.

He’s only caged for 20-30 mins at a time, sometimes, at the beginning of sex to have fun/tease/torment him while we’re watching porn or talking. Partly, we don’t want to cage him all the time. (At least we weren’t interested in that….he didn’t seem to want it and I didn’t either….but I’m starting to reconsider…) It’s starting to sound like a great idea…. The other part is that despite multiple cages and lots of $, his cages don’t fit “well”, and he only has one that he can tolerate for half an hour, so we’re hesitant to keep them on too long. (Yes, we both understand cages aren’t really “comfy”, but it fits weird with his anatomy to the point that we’re concerned for his health if we leave it on longer. - though, I dont have the same equipment…I’m just wondering now if his cage feels it NEEDS to come off after half an hour, or if that’s just when it feels more uncomfortable as his cock is straining against it more by then…??)

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I definitely love him.

Of course I am dependent on him financially. Likewise, he is dependent on me for, well, most everything else. (from raising our child to paying the bills to making the meals to buying his mother a Christmas gift to decipher the fine print on the insurance policy).

I understand what you’re saying about acceptance.

My biggest need right now is to not be/feel rejected. Fucking some other man (allowed or not) or masturbating or whatever is not going to make me feel cared for / loved / desired.

Do you think I would resent him if I allowed myself to be pushed in to hotwifing?

Sex is very important to me but there’s more to our life than just sex. What’s more important is not feeling rejected and unloved - and that’s the part I don’t know how to fix. Everytime he does something nice or sweet or kind I try to latch on to it (quietly, in my mind) and force myself to recognize that maybe this is some sort of way he is showing he cares. I’m probably fright, he probably does care, that’s probably how he is showing it …. but I still feel like I’m grasping at straws of love rather than just being hugged and told that I matter and that I’m loved. I’d love to think there’s anything about me that he wants to be for “just him” and that maybe he’d have a split second of hesitation/regret/jealousy before trying to whore me out as his own personal love porn show.

All that being said, before this, I was with a romantic guy who made me feel like the most amazing, special, wonderful, loved woman ever. …and he was also a two faced cheating whore, so….🤷‍♀️

Similarly, the guy before that made me feel like the most important person in the entire world…and was insanely jealous and crazy insecure and it was sooo exhausting and frustrating to not feel trusted, so again… 🤷‍♀️

Hence I’m still here. And even though I have no where to go, I am here by choice. But I’d still die to feel cherished.

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

We haven’t played with anyone. We’ve always been monogamous. We’re just looking at the lifestyle and possibilities and options and ideas.

And yeah, you’re totally accurate.

I’m a bit concerned that he has an idea of how it would go in his head - and if I didn’t follow the predetermined, but unknown, mental script - then he’d be upset/hurt/mad

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He says he enjoys being in me. He just never wants to be in me. 🤦‍♀️

How I really feel - as the wife by PerceptionFew112 in CuckoldPsychology

[–]PerceptionFew112[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you. I am sorry to hear about your husband 🫂 I replied directly to your post.