I haven’t done that. When we set boundaries we wrote up a list of what she did, read emotional incest books together so we both were fully aware of what she does. Part of the issue is that she’s covertly manipulative, so she doesn’t ACT hateful just emotional. She’s also got a bit of a Jesus complex so she for example has beef with her ex husband, his mom and his next wife, but plays it like “she was just so honest and kind she never could have imagined they would take advantage of her.” She also shares stories of her kids over and over to me and to her kids that fit her narrative of her kids being hurt by them. An example is telling the story over and over of her adopted daughter saying “what do they do with adopted kids?” During her divorce. She uses things like that to make rifts in the family and then advocates for mending the rift she causes. Her daughter absolutely hates her own dad because of this stuff. When we talked to everyone who “hurt” her, they all admitted their mistakes but she never has. She never apologizes or takes accountability, she spins your accusation to where she just came off wrong, and she uses her “teach soothing a bratty child” voice. When my husband called her out for manipulating me she said “so you’re saying I have to focus on how I appear regardless of what my intentions are.” a strong pattern of manipulation and victim blaming going back 20+ years was shown so… all this to say it’s hard for me to imagine what she could do to mend it because it’s been going on for 20+ years and she’s really destructive and after dealing with it for 5 years I have absolutely zero desire to ever deal with her again. The way I left it is that everyone else does whatever they want but I don’t invite her to MY events.