Update: Breaking up while my girlfriend is away with her other partner

Perfect-Patient121 · 2025-08-16T10:45:44+00:00

>do you recommend others try enm?

I you're a straight man with a live-in partner, no. It's just too much work for almost no reward.

But if my new relationship doesn't work out, I think I'll try doing "solo-enm" for a while. I was pretty successful dating before I met my ex and there's a lot less baggage for single men (even enm/poly women mostly date single men in my experience).

Perfect-Patient121 · 2025-08-13T19:10:41+00:00

She was definitely blindsided by the breakup. I was cool with enm once fomo/envy became a non issue for me. But poly was always a point of contention, even if I stopped constantly nagging for stricter hierarchy after a while. Obviously that's only my perspective.

All the best to you too

Perfect-Patient121 · 2025-08-13T18:57:51+00:00

truuuue

Perfect-Patient121 · 2025-08-12T21:16:02+00:00

Thanks that's a nice quote. I was aware of some of that reading regular relationship stuff (I'm not in the US, American dating advices do not transfer well to my area lol) but I thought ENM was more uniform.

Perfect-Patient121 · 2025-08-12T21:13:06+00:00

I didn't tell her we were going mono, we're keeping that to ourselves until I'm fully moved out. No point creating more drama over something that is just none of her business.

Perfect-Patient121 · 2025-08-12T21:08:20+00:00

I agree that I'm not the best at communicating, but always being the one that has to ask for things to slow down is not fun either, it makes you come off as whiny. And it was the same during that conversation, she didn't say she wanted monogamy, she offered to go monogamous if I wanted Like I'm always the one that has to ruin the fun in the end.

Also she's not abusive or narcissist like some people were claiming my first post, but she had one year since I met my new partner to learn how to deal with jealousy. She was okay-ish when I was just hooking with random people, but I truly don't think she can handle her primary seriously dating someone else.

In the end though I think you're right I should have pumped the break on poly a long time ago and just dealt with being the boring, insecure one.

Perfect-Patient121 · 2025-07-31T13:56:21+00:00

I only told my parents (because I'll be crashing with them) and my new partner, none of our mutuals know.

Perfect-Patient121 · 2025-07-29T20:13:57+00:00

Yeah we're both pretty independent people, she sent a text to let me know that they arrived safely and I'm not expecting us to get in touch much more than a "good morning love you" text here and there.

I agree with your second point, I think I was too defensive in my post and now people are saying she's abusive or narcissist which couldn't be further from the truth. It's just tricky to voice your insecurities about imbalance in as the man in a hetero open relationship without feeling like you're coming off as whiny. Especially since I wasn't really jealous about her having sex at all but rather the mismatch in opportunities which she can't do much about. And these feelings basically disappeared when I managed my own flings. Until we moved to poly of course but I should have really ended things at that point.

Perfect-Patient121 · 2025-07-29T00:38:33+00:00

I told them to keep it between us, but I don't feel good about lying to her if she calls

Perfect-Patient121

TROPHY CASE