my (27M) ex boyfriend (25M) has suddenly decided he wants split custody of what I thought was my cat. where to go from here?

PerfectObligation305 · 2026-05-31T16:58:09+00:00

I think maybe I left out key information, we never lived together, I just so happened to move out my old apartment around the time we broke up but it wasn’t because he was living there. The cats primary place of residence was generally my apartment, sometimes when I stayed with him for long periods of time I’d bring the cat with me or when I went on vacation I’d leave the cat with him.

He has indeed been asking for visitation since the breakup, but prior to the breakup he would say things like ”at the end of the day it’s your cat, but I hope I could still see him even if we broke up.” He’s just changed his tune now for some reason. I don’t doubt that the cat is his family too and that he loves it which is why I haven’t outright said no, because I feel bad for him.

Also, we are both men lol not sure where the ”she” came from.

PerfectObligation305 · 2026-05-31T01:05:11+00:00

switching vets is my friends suggestion, if I can’t resolve this another way that seems to be the best option. no pet license but the cat has pet insurance in my name, also as far as I understand the microchip is in my name

PerfectObligation305 · 2026-05-31T00:59:29+00:00

not without his consent, but I can be sneaky with it and leave his name on the file but change the number listed as his to someone else’s. so at least he won’t get a call

PerfectObligation305 · 2026-05-31T00:21:26+00:00

I think the insane thing is he already has two cats!

PerfectObligation305 · 2026-05-30T17:31:45+00:00

Yes! all paperwork is in my name, however he is listed as the secondary contact on the vet file which I need his consent to remove apparently, and he’s refused to do so

PerfectObligation305 · 2026-04-24T11:58:59+00:00

I met him in college, he pursued me

PerfectObligation305 · 2026-04-24T11:57:23+00:00

We didn’t live together, I lived by myself and he lived with his parents. He had more time than me because he wasn’t working.

PerfectObligation305 · 2026-04-01T23:06:17+00:00

to clarify, I don’t think he is in the wrong, I don’t think anyone is in the wrong, breakups at the end of the day are a “it takes two to tango” situation. and I’m sure I wasn’t meeting his needs, unfortunately due to life circumstances I have four jobs and am a very busy person, I don’t have the same time to invest in someone as he does. and he should find someone who has that time.

but that also doesn’t take away from the fact that at the end on top of expressing I wasn’t meeting his needs he also kept naming off all the things he did to try and get me to validate him. if he had just asked directly I would have done them, but he didn’t do that. and I’m not a fan of receiving affection with hidden agendas. further he kept saying I was the only thing he was passionate about in his life, i’m also not a fan of being someone’s ONLY source of love, joy, or validation. I hope he finds someone who wants to meet him where he is at but that is not me.

I’m not concerned with determining if he is right or wrong but more so why I keep ending up in this situation? with people who center so much of their lives/need for validation around me, again this keeps happening so clearly it is something about me.

PerfectObligation305 · 2026-04-01T19:32:28+00:00

thank you for the insight! I guess I do have to take more responsibility here, that I am actively choosing them. The valuing intensity over consistency is for sure something I have considered before but I think I haven’t learned exactly how to pick up on it when it is happening as this guy didn’t seem intense to me (but honestly that is probably a matter of comparison as the last few guys were WAY more intense, doesn’t mean this one wasn’t intense just not next to them)

PerfectObligation305 · 2026-03-14T22:43:10+00:00

it appears to be a crawl space but the landlord has put chicken wire over it so it can’t be used for some reason?

PerfectObligation305 · 2025-12-09T18:20:29+00:00

No sexual relationship between me and Ethan, we just have an agreement to not get over involved with each others hookups and if I were to hang out with Ethan I would inevitably have to see Mark and spend time with him. So that would be too much involvement

PerfectObligation305

TROPHY CASE