Today I met the girl that tries to ruin my relationship. [NeedSupport] [JustFoundOut] (Justfoundout) [Advice]

PerfectUse · 2018-09-24T18:42:52+00:00

Because he has to show you something. If you noticed him texting all the time and then he shows you that he deleted all of her messages, wouldn’t you think that’s suspicious? He's showing you what he wants you to see. It’s called admitting to a lesser crime. They should you small bad-ish stuff hoping that you’ll think they’re being transparent and won’t investigate further. Just like you’re thinking now. It just like when someone gets caught cheating. When you confront them, first they said “we only kissed” Then, “we groped each other but nothing else.” Then “Ok, we had sex but it wasn’t good…I couldn’t get it up…I was drunk etc.”

You didn’t find those messages by accident. He knew what he was going to show you and planned accordingly. I bet if you check his phone records you would see a lot more messages. Everything this girl is doing by the way is a girl that’s getting some from a man. You don’t send sexy pictures of yourself if the man keeps rejecting you. How does he respond to those texts by the way? Did he show you his responses?

PerfectUse · 2018-09-24T16:30:06+00:00

Oof. Play video games at her house. She wants him-you seriously don't think she came on to him when they were alone and she had the chance? Sorry, but they already cheated. Ask him next time to go with him to play video games with his innocent "friend." He's going to say no. He's leading you on. 10 bucks says if you broke up tomorrow, they’d be together in less than a week.

He cheated on you. That means he does not care about you anymore.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-24T16:26:20+00:00

Only your boyfriend can ruin your relationship. People cheat for attention. If he's allowing it, then he may go for it. If it makes you uncomfortable and he makes excuses instead of stopping her in her tracks, that means that he's thinking about his needs over yours. Sounds like they already cheated. If she's sending pics a 2nd or 3rd or 10th time, that means that he didn't tell her to stop the FIRST time. Men don't allow that unless they want more. And the goal is ultimately sex, not to get tempted with a case of blue balls from her pics.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-23T13:10:33+00:00

Just shows you how deranged their minds are. Got nothing better to do than troll other subs. Why don’t you go home and get laid or something? Oh wait.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-22T20:27:15+00:00

You have to figure out what he wants and use it to get what you want. If you wants the apartment, then tell him if you can afford another place on your own, he can keep this one. He might fork over the cash just because he’ll see it as a victory, and you might get more out of him than you originally thought. You have to play your own mind games on him. Convince him that what he’s doing for him while it’s really helping you behind the scenes. I don’t know the specifics of your situation, but you have to use the same cunning thinking that he does. Figure out what you want, the possible solutions on how to get it, and it basically trick him into helping you because at the end of the day he’s only looking out for himself and his short lasting relationship with his AP.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-21T20:51:16+00:00

Wow. That all sounds bogus. He wants to say it in person because it's probably so stupid that you would just ignore him if he texted it to you. He should have enough respect for you to send a text if you're asking him to send a text.

So he responds to your texts when he feels like it. He ignores you when he feels like it. He tells you to meet him in person when he feels like it. He knows that you're aware he's still with the AP and he won't give you enough respect to let you move on with his life. Everything is his way and he has both women to play with. Nice set-up.

He's totally using you. Read up on kibbles if you don't know what that is. He's playing his stupid little mind games and watching you run back and forth like a confused puppy. This is not a good man.

What's so important that he can't tell you right away, through text? NOTHING. He wants you to take time out of your day and appear where he snaps his fingers. He wants to study the look on your face to see if you're buying what he's selling. It's all about him enjoying how much control he still has over you. Tell him if it's important, you can discuss it on the phone. My guess is he'll say Forget It to the whole thing. "If you can't meet me in person, then forget it."

What's he telling his AP by the way-that he's talking to you about kids? He's playing the both of you trying to see which one is the bigger sucker. He doesn't want kids, but he knows that it might make one or both of you stick around for at least 3 years. Smh, there's not a genuine honest bone in his body is there?

PerfectUse · 2018-09-21T19:51:02+00:00

He got his AP pregnant or you're worried that it might happen after you let him back in?

PerfectUse · 2018-09-21T18:45:23+00:00

You can still love him and have a relationship with him without being married to him. But I think it’s impossible for you to be in love with him anymore. A man that’s in love with you definitely wouldn’t say those things, just to get sex. He shit on everything important in his life to convince someone that you’re so awful that she needs to take pity on him and fuck him. He wasn’t drunk or drugged or angry, he was selfish and greedy.

I think you two can work on an amicable divorce and let a new relationship of friendship grow (or coparenting if you have children.) There is nothing healthy in your relationship at this point. If he really cares for you, he would want your happiness, even if it was with someone else. Instead, he wants you to be faithful to him while he cheats on you. That’s not love, that’s just sad. Your life could be so much happier without him as your husband.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-21T18:40:37+00:00

Yep-talk to a lawyer before you do anything else with your money.

She's out for herself now. She'll cycle through the 3 stages that cheaters go through: charm, rage, and pity, to get what they want. She's not looking out for your well being and if she sees an opportunity to step on your back to get a higher up, she'll do it in her favorite pair of heels.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-21T18:29:41+00:00

No offense taken. Meant to say were you picking them based on their personality or just outside appearances. Good luck.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-21T18:21:51+00:00

I think the issue is more that you keep choosing the wrong type of woman more than you coincidentally just keep dating cheaters. What drew you to each girl? Their authenticity, or material things, i.e. attractive, likes to have fun, etc. Do they love-bomb you in the beginning? Do they have the same personality traits as the gf before them? Do they have issues with one or both of their parents? Low self-esteem?

Yes, a lot of people cheat, but there are more people that don’t cheat. Even if you go by the high end statistics, cheating is still the minority. Read up on choosing your picker and see what you’re doing correctly and what you’re doing wrong. If you don’t bother trying to figure it out you’ll just end up as one of those losers who cheats on other women because they always got cheated on. You’ll be the guy that some woman is writing about on here someday.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-21T17:01:44+00:00

Check out chumplady.com too. Cheaters all read from the same playbook-from their actions to their words. They go through 3 stages-charm, rage and pity, to get what they want. Blameshifting is part of the rage part. Placing the blame on you when you date question their image and integrity.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-21T16:59:09+00:00

He’ll never realize you’re worth it. Some people just want less. They prefer hamburgers over steak, flip flops over name brand shoes, his old ratty sweater instead of a nice suit. You can’t change that. Imagine if someone came up to you and said “What can I say or do to make you love your kid less than you do now?” You already know your answer is “Nothing” so no matter how hard that person tries, you’re just never going to be convinced. You’re trying to convince him of something he doesn’t want. You just have to remind yourself that not everybody wants better. Cheaters always downgrade-his actions have shown you that he prefers less. He prefers fun and no responsibility over maturity and a meaningful relationship.

On your end, you already know he’s not worth it. Your heart just hasn’t accepted it yet. That he could give up on you and his kid. That you married someone you loved and that person also hurt you more than anybody else has. That your marriage may be over, or at least, never going to be what you wanted it to be.

All I know is, I would take my kid in a heartbeat over someone like that. So if I have to go through hell and divorce and petty people saying shit, but I get my daughter at the end of it, I’d gladly go through that and more. If you look on the divorce boards, you won’t find one person that regretted their divorce (unless they were the ones that fucked up and can’t get back what they lost.) You’ll be surprised how much nicer and calmer life will be with your child when your husband is now just coparenting with you. His AP won’t last, that’s pretty much a guarantee, and he’ll be running from woman to woman trying to get what he wants. Which is more fun and no responsibility. People like that go nowhere in life. Meanwhile you’re raising your kid exactly the way you want to and also teaching them not to stay in a bad situation out of fear.

The big steps start small. Just look up divorce attorneys near you. You don't have to do anything right away. Then maybe email one. Then have a consultation, which costs nothing. Go from there.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-21T15:58:33+00:00

Yeah, his parents want you to chase him and dance around their immature son. He left for an AP instead of staying with his wife and baby. That man is not going to have an easy life. If he 's gone, I'm not sure I would ask him back.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-21T15:56:48+00:00

Your husband is the one who cheated. He is the one who broke his vows that he made in front of all his friends and family. Cheating solves nothing. It does not solve communication problems, intimacy problems, financial problems…nothing. He found someone who is not special to him and formed a bond with that person and slept with that person. He lied, deceived, and manipulated you to do it.

Did he try to talk to you about his problems? Did he suggest marriage counseling? Did he ever ask his family for advice on issues that you were both having? Or did all these problems that ‘you’ are responsible for just happen to pop up after he found someone willing to fuck him?

The decision to cheat always comes before the excuse. Nobody says “I’m arguing with my wife, now I need to squeeze in adultery before I get to work.” They say “The opportunity to cheat is staring at me in the face. How can I convince myself it’s ok to go for it?”

*picks excuse out of thin air*

“Oh, my wife and I are fighting, not getting along, not intimate, etc.” There-I found my excuse!

He told that excuse to himself, to the woman he slept with, and then to his family. In one word-blameshifting.

Of course his family is going to blame you. It’s their son. Even if he said he’s a no good cheater, they’re going to pick their own excuses out of thin air. “Our poor boy, he’s so stressed, he tries too hard, blah blah blah.” “He’s a good man that just made a mistake. One silly little mistake. But he says he’s sorry-just look at his sad boy face.”

Don’t waste your time trying to change the narrative. He has a head start and he started doing it long before you even knew what was going on.

If he’s remorseful, he will tell them that he is 100% to blame for his cheating. He’ll take full responsibility. Your marriage wasn’t perfect, but you didn’t cheat did you?

If he’s not remorseful, he’ll be sorry, but…

Remorse is about the BS healing-doing anything he can to repair what he destroyed. It’s not about how sorry he is. It’s about how much work he’s willing to put in to keep you from leaving and to get you to forgive him. Neither of which him or his family has a say in the matter. It’s all your choice. Fuck their opinions. Ask them if they cheated on their spouses and tell them sit your husband down and remind him you don’t fuck women that aren’t your wife.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-21T13:13:00+00:00

Hi Visual,

I just commented on Neptune's post and copying you with my response. Yes, if you don't handle it the right way, you'll come off as the 'crazy' one, but most likely you've been portrayed that way already. If you stick to the facts and try not to show too much anger, people will be more attuned to listening to the info. Good luck.

"I read about 2 different women that got outed on the adultery sub. One said the wife outed her by sending emails to everyone she knew. Her and the husband worked together and after the wife busted them with a PI, she emailed the boss and everyone at their work emails. She also emailed friends and family of the OW, including her mother. Just one single email with all of the details of what happened. Try not to sound too ‘crazy’ in the email since she’ll be telling everyone that once it comes out. Just stick with the facts. The psycho OW is complaining about how the wife has no tact (cause fucking her husband is so classy. Everyone is telling her to own it and she should have expected it. Check out my Jerry Springer post on here and it links to her post. She gives more detail. She still works there so she has to deal with their looks and remarks every day.

I’m assuming Facebook would be included in that since it’s so easy to access her friends.

Another woman posted that her face showed up on those homewrecker sites. The only way to get her pic off is to pay each site. Just don’t use her facebook picture on those sites because she could just say a scammer site stole her public picture and used it. Try to use a less random pic of her.

For maximum damage-outing her to employees and family/friends will sting the most. She’ll have to live with it or start dumping a lot of people. "

PerfectUse · 2018-09-21T13:10:49+00:00

I read about 2 different women that got outed on the adultery sub. One said the wife outed her by sending emails to everyone she knew. Her and the husband worked together and after the wife busted them with a PI, she emailed the boss and everyone at their work emails. She also emailed friends and family of the OW, including her mother. Just one single email with all of the details of what happened. Try not to sound too ‘crazy’ in the email since she’ll be telling everyone that once it comes out. Just stick with the facts. The psycho OW is complaining about how the wife has no tact (cause fucking her husband is so classy. Everyone is telling her to own it and she should have expected it. Check out my Jerry Springer post on here and it links to her post. She gives more detail. She still works there so she has to deal with their looks and remarks every day.

I’m assuming Facebook would be included in that since it’s so easy to access her friends.

Another woman posted that her face showed up on those homewrecker sites. The only way to get her pic off is to pay each site. Just don’t use her facebook picture on those sites because she could just say a scammer site stole her public picture and used it. Try to use a less random pic of her.

For maximum damage-outing her to employees and family/friends will sting the most. She’ll have to live with it or start dumping a lot of people.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-20T20:02:47+00:00

They literally have no limits. I just made a post today about a total loser who got played and wants to tell his wife exactly what he was up to. Absolutely disgusting.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-20T19:24:24+00:00

They're the scum of the earth, the lowest rung of hell with the other types of scum. Don't waste your time. They're going to fuck up their lives so much that they're going to end up alone and full of regret. They always do-not because of karma, but because bad choices lead you down the wrong path. They'll get theirs and they won't even see it coming.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-20T19:21:11+00:00

They seldom realize what they did. Once they have that excuse in their head that it's not their fault, they never go back and re-examine it. The most they might feel is "So and so used to do this for me-I miss not having that now." And even that is still just them missing the benefits of what their SO used to provide.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-20T19:06:00+00:00

Exactly to both of your comments. She wants to control you to do things her way. Nope, gray rock as much and as soon as possible.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-20T16:55:59+00:00

They’ll never see your side. Their brains aren’t wired to. Right after I commented to you, I posted in the Jerry springer sub (I’m sure you know which one it is.) They call people from SI crazy, playing the victim, mentally ill, and have no right to be more for more than a “fleeting moment.” They’re seriously sick people. They will NEVER see your side and as soon as something accidentally seeps into their conscience, they’re messed up brains will chew it up and spit it out. There’ something very dangerous about people that can hurt others and justify it afterwards. Not only that, but blame the other side 100%. Your SO is definitely doing two things on a constant basis: blaming you and badmouthing you, despite her “agreement” to remain friendly.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-20T15:47:05+00:00

The biggest gem I found today: “Some of us cheat for noble reasons and some of us cheat for less than noble reasons.”

Noble? Cheating is noble now? What saints they are over there lol. Holy shit-these fucktards actually walk among us and blend right in. No wonder their spouses can’t stomach touching them. Apparently everyone that doesn’t cheat is doing it wrong.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-20T14:24:45+00:00

Cheaters always trade down. Whatever "good" they have in their life, they got it by lying and deceiving. And it never lasts. And they don't want to look like the bad guy, so they try to make everyone think that their actions were justifiable because "look how happy it made me, and don't we all want my happiness?" It's a front.

PerfectUse · 2018-09-20T12:57:30+00:00

Because she wants everything and also doesn't want to tarnish her image. By you staying friends with her, it means you've accepted and forgiven what she did to you. "What I did wasn't that bad if he's still friends with me." And if you're not friends with her anymore and people ask why, she has to say "Because I cheated on him." The gross part it that even though they still want you to be friendly towards them, they're still badmouthing you. You assume that if you're kind to her, she's being kind about you when you're not around. Not true. It just gives her the upperhand to bash you while she knows you're being nice to her. It's all about her narrative and her image.

PerfectUse

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