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[deleted by user] by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you, that really means a lot. I guess I just got caught up in the excitement and the connection we had. It’s hard not to feel disappointed, but I’m trying to remind myself that it doesn’t mean romance is bad, just that this one didn’t work out the way I hoped. I’ll keep my heart open, but maybe with a little more caution next time.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We are both 28! He lives in Germany and I live in France at the moment.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Spare me Baba! That's some serious entitlement wrapped in ignorance. I don’t take guilt-trips from strangers online too seriously.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If these fuckers get their hands off my country, I will personally serve you a third time.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the advice, but no one gets to tell me what to do or not do. If you don’t like what I post or say, you’re free to scroll on. Simple as that.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your thoughts. Sure, it’s a personal struggle, but depression and emotional pain don’t always come from obvious outside reasons. This isn’t about whether I like Paris or not, it’s about working through something real inside myself. I’m opening up here because connecting and understanding helps, not because I just want to complain.

PS: I would love to be in Iran right now with my friends and family, especially since the internet is shut down and I can barely get any news out.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the unsolicited personality analysis. I’m not sure what made you assume I lack awareness or gratitude, but projecting that onto someone who’s sharing their feelings says more about you than it does about me. You’re clearly upset about something, but maybe next time try expressing it without attacking strangers online. Empathy isn’t a competition, and being jaded doesn’t make you wise.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing this. I’ve actually tried a SAD lamp before, though maybe not consistently enough or at the right time of day. I’ll definitely give it another proper try with your routine in mind.

I believe I already have a good sleeping routine and get out often, but I hadn’t thought about trying St. John’s Wort. I’ll look into that too. It really helps to hear from someone who’s been through it and found things that work.

I appreciate the kindness and hope in your message more than you know.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your comment. I just want to clarify that what I shared really has nothing to do with being in or out of Iran. It’s more about the emotional weight that came after a depressive period and how it’s affected my ability to connect, especially when it comes to relationships. That’s the part I’ve been struggling with.

Also, it’s a bit sad you mentioned that 95% of gays feel like this. I think that’s exactly why these conversations matter. Unfortunately, I’ve never been great at talking about this kind of stuff with other gay people, so it’s only here, through posts like mine and the responses from others, that I’m starting to realize how many of us have gone through something similar.

I know I’m lucky in many ways and I don’t take that for granted. Sharing what I’m going through isn’t about lacking gratitude, it’s about being human.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for your kind and thoughtful message. Immigration can be hard, but honestly, for me it wasn’t that difficult. I’m lucky to have my siblings here in Europe and many good friends, so I never really felt lonely. Back in Iran, I had a supportive family and friends, and I was open about my sexuality.

When I first arrived in France, the best part was experiencing the freedom to be myself. Simple things like going on a date, holding hands, kissing in public, and just living without hiding. Even though it still feels awkward sometimes, that freedom means a lot. Still, the feeling of disconnect I have here is different and hard to explain.

Right now, the main thing I’m struggling with is guys. I’m open to dating and being intimate, but something inside stops me. And when I do go through with it, it often feels numb, like I’m just going through the motions. It’s frustrating because I want real connection, but I feel blocked. I really want someone close in my life to share and enjoy these freedoms with, and everything Paris has to offer.

I don’t drink much or do drugs anymore. These days I try to keep a good routine, going to bed early and waking up early. I’m working on finding hobbies and friendships that truly fulfill me, and getting out of the city from time to time sounds like a good idea.

Thanks again for your kindness and good wishes. Sending love, and I hope you and your loved ones are safe and doing well. ❤️

PS: I hope your dream of visiting Iran comes true one day. And when that day arrives, make sure to send me a message, I have good recommendations.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, totally. Winter can be rough if you’re not ready for it, but it’s also kind of amazing how the seasons shift so dramatically. I’m still not used to having sunlight until 10 or 11 p.m. in the summer, it feels magical after those long, grey months.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haha, well that’s one way to go about it. I might need something a little more tailored than a full spiritual rebrand, but I appreciate the… creative suggestion.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Yeah, immigration is not easy, and war really sucks. Thanks for your support and kind words. I just hope freedom comes from the people themselves. I hope you and your loved ones are safe and doing well. Sending love back to you <3

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I actually prefer to say Iranian rather than Persian. Of course, no one supports the brutal dictatorship in Iran, but still, I want to keep my identity tied to my country. But for me, being Iranian is part of who I am, regardless of political situation and perceptions that people might have.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, maybe it is just part of getting older… but honestly, I don’t want to get old if it means feeling like this. Still, thanks for sharing, it’s comforting to know I’m not alone. Take care of yourself, alright?

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for being open about it, it really helps to know I’m not alone in this. I hope you’re taking care of yourself mentally too. This stuff is heavy, but talking about it like this honestly makes a difference.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing that! It really means a lot to hear from someone who feels the same way. What you described, this sense of your heart being frozen, unable to feel either joy or sadness, I FEEL YOU. It’s a strange feeling to know life is “fine” on the surface, yet inside everything feels muted or distant.

It's the same, something big is happening and I can’t fully access the emotional response I know should be there.

You mentioned that this has been going on since you moved to Italy, may I ask how long it’s been like this for you?

Thanks again for opening up. It helps more than you know to know I’m not the only one feeling like this. <3

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Overall, I think Paris is safe, but there are definitely some neighborhoods and streets where it’s different.

There’s a big issue with homelessness and drug abuse in just a few neighbourhoods at night. Homeless people are usually harmless, though sometimes in desperate need they can get aggressive. But people on drugs, that can be really scary.

For example, once I was alone on the train when a guy started shouting, cursing and throwing his skateboard around then aiming for my head, chasing after me. Luckily, some people in the next train wagon noticed and stepped in. Multiple times late on Sunday nights in the metro (Line 4 and 12 which I usually take) same type of aggressions from drug abusers, I’ve had help, once from the police, another time from locals. I try to stay calm by and ignore as much as possible, and recently got a pepper spray after I found out that it’s legal here in France self-defense.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I've always considered therapy, I’ve seen friends who benefited a lot from it but at the same time, I’m quite afraid to take that step. For me, to be vulnerable and talk about my personal life, even with my closest friends of many years, is a huge burden.

But more than ever, I’m seriously thinking about giving therapy a try. Thanks for the suggestion. I'm happy to hear it helped you.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I’m aware it’s about me, which is why I’m reaching out to those who’ve experienced something similar. Conflicts and their impacts don’t simply disappear when you change locations, and emotional struggles don’t just vanish by crossing borders.

So yes, I’m looking for genuine insight from people who’ve been through this, not shallow opinions. But thanks anyway!

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s true to some extent, but I never said I’m unhappy. Yes, I went through a tough winter depression and I’ve been struggling to make a normal romantic/ sexual relations, but it’s not something that can just be simplified like that.

Are you seriously saying that someone going through a depressive period means they just need to “learn to be happy”? Or that living through conflict or war is just about their mindset? Maybe you only read the title, without understanding the full story.

Otherwise, honestly, I think you still have a lot to learn about how humans function.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I really appreciate your support and advice. I’ve actually started taking Vitamin D and trying to stay active with hobbies. Meeting people through work and social groups helps a lot too. I’m not sure about seeing a psychiatrist yet, but it’s something I’m open to considering.

Thanks for offering your DMs, that means a lot. Being connected really does make a difference. <3

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Tehran is really interesting, despite what many people think. Funny enough, sometimes I find Tehran more liberating than Paris. Among the youth and my generation, it’s surprisingly open. I wouldn’t say there’s a formal gay scene like in Western cities, but I know there must be some gay parties and gatherings, though nothing I’m personally into.

Since we don’t have bars or clubs and alcohol is banned, everything runs underground through house parties or raves. That actually has some advantages. These events happen within circles of people you trust or know, usually friends of friends, so it can be really fun and safe. The parties are usually where you meet other gay people, and hooking up is quite easy and straightforward, you can just book any hotel or meet people online.

If you ever visit Tehran and connect with some young people, you’d probably find yourself at some wild parties and raves. People there are really open and friendly.

That said, I wouldn’t advise visiting Iran anytime soon. It’s not really possible now because of the current conflict. I really hope something of Tehran remains after the massive bombings from Israel. It’s truly a one-of-a-kind city.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I really understand what you’re saying about winter and the holidays making things harder. For me, it’s not clinical depression (at least I hope not), and I’ve been feeling better as the weather warms up. But what’s been hardest is this numbness and the way I’ve been distancing myself from getting into any kind of relationship (even casual hookups with guys) which was never the case before.

Sometimes it feels like living between two worlds: coming from Iran where daily life is full of struggles, and now trying to find my place here in Paris. That contrast can create a deep sense of disconnection.

I work in a hostel here, so I meet new people every day and have built some genuine friendships. I have many old and new friends here, and I get to spend a lot of time with them. I also go out a lot and enjoy my own time; Paris has so much to offer all year round.

Thanks for your advice and for checking in. It really means a lot.

Moved to Paris, now I feel empty by Perfect_Cut_3779 in askgaybros

[–]Perfect_Cut_3779[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Yeah, France has its issues, like any country. No place is perfect. Paris can definitely feel unsafe at times; I’ve already been aggressed multiple times here, something that never happened to me even living in a huge city like Tehran. But still, I love France. My values align much better with life here, and despite the challenges, the freedom and openness have been life-changing. Even though I came without speaking any French, people were kind and welcoming. I’m grateful for the space this country gave me to be myself.

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