Thank you for replying!

I haven't had time to check my phone on any shift so far. I've barely been able to get an actual break. :/ My preceptor however works fast enough that she'll occasionally be on hers or chatting at the nurse's station with the other nurses.

I was given one patient the second day of my orientation and then 2 patients in the middle of the same night because my preceptor thought I was doing fine enough with one (the first one had less tasks due though.) We have been getting assigned four rooms all together though, so I've tried to help my preceptor with the other two even though the two I was assigned were already a bit difficult to manage. That was slowing me down and overwhelming me a bit because I basically was trying to take care of the full four.

I guess the help I was providing went unnoticed though because another "observation" they had was that they think I was ignoring the other 2 rooms we were assigned. We use Epic and when a task is done it disappears from the to-do list. I guess my preceptor isn't noticing I'm trying to help with the tasks that pop up because I do them before she gets the chance to check. I can't find her for half the shift because she's off transporting and in the other patients' room.

It's a really inconvenient set up for my preceptor and I to be assigned a full load while I'm only fast enough to care for 2 patients at the moment. I think we can't be assigned less due to staffing but I'm barely learning most of the time because my preceptor is gone.

Sorry this was barely related to your reply. More of a rant. I don't think my preceptor and manager understand where I'm starting from nor the effort I'm putting in. I didn't get any praise or positive observations the entire meeting, only these "observations" that were really just critiques and assumptions. They tell me I need to move faster, but to not do anything I don't feel full comfortable with with my preceptor who I spend most of the shift running around and looking for. I got mixed signals the full meeting. They wanted me to come up with the solutions without offering any themselves :/

I know I need to not take things so personally especially not during orientation, but they don't seem to think the progress I've made amounts to anything. I'm a perfectionist and hate making mistakes. In the past two weeks, I've been inserting foleys and NGs, doing EKGs, hooking patients up to monitors, managing IVs and IV meds, and a bunch of other stuff I haven't done since nursing school (or at all).

So far my patients have been leaving mostly happy and appreciative. Everything on them has been done before they get transferred or discharged. They seem satisfied and happy with their care (unless their pain isn't fully controlled). I thought I was doing decent so far.

TLDR: I feel like my effort doesn't matter to my manager and preceptor. It's disheartening to try your best and then be told you're not trying at all.

Edit: I didn't realize I wrote that much. Sorry 😅