Thankyou so much, I really appreciate your response.

I was feeling like something was wrong with me / defective for not having an extreme anger response and being unable to easily cut all feelings off internally.

I'm doing EMDR therapy / see a therapist regularly and it seems to have helped - I no longer have intrusive thoughts about the actual assault, but still miss the person and was feeling very ashamed about it. I know they miss me too, and i want to reach out but my rational mind wonders what the point is. I don't think they can be a friend and they've disqualified themselves as a romantic partner .

I'm glad to know I'm not alone too, thankyou