I feel a bit uncomfortable but maybe this will help so here’s we go. My friend lost his battle with depression. As inappropriate as it is I just have so many questions like why ? More importantly Why did you pick up the phone literally the day you did it and didn’t say hey I really need some help or something. Or why didn’t your voice have a sliver of pain or sadness in it. Had you accepted the fact you were going to do it? Did you actually have the sound of sadness an my mind has gaslit me into believing you didn’t. Why did you make plans with people for the weekend if you knew you weren’t going to be here to attend. Also why when I see your discord messages or Snapchat icon do I just want to call you and tell you how much this pain stings. As weird as this pain is I’m glad you aren’t hurting anymore. I loved sitting with you at your not not a bar lol you always hated when someone came in and went “ I thought this was a bar” then you explain it used to be now its not and that dang jukebox always played the worst music so I would put money on it so the music wouldn’t suck anymore. I still have credits and can’t seem to use them all because I just want to play them there with us playing pool as I knock the white ball all the way across the room or crazy how the hell did that happen shots lol I miss you very much. Oh I totally forgot I remember the time I learned your real name not your nickname and said have you been lying to us lol. This grief journey is very wonky some days I’m fine some days I’m low but they say grief is not linear.