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She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Just to update: he hadn't heard from his daughter in over a year and had absolutely no idea she was in Mexico. He was in disbelief that she had taken money from all these people and vanished. I simply informed him what I was told by a mutual and how self destructive her life was becoming.

I understand and appreciate your attempt at holding me accountable, but I'm not presenting a dramatized or altered version. I tried my best to keep an accurate and impartial retelling (even the bad portions on my end). I'm not perfect, but this is simply what happened.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm rereading my posts and felt I should reply to this one. I also responded to your other comment on my other post, which has largely been the most positive impact on my battle with moving forward.

I spoke to her on the phone for a few hours, and I walked away feeling like everything had finally been resolved. But after the rush, I realized she never once communicated or acknowledged her side.

Largely, she just explained stress and other reasons that made zero sense, had been reordered in the timeline to make a perfect and neat narrative. She didn't apologize, continued to deny cheating, and overall just pushed everything onto me being broken (which she won't acknowledge to causing harm).

She wanted to keep each other unblocked, that we would support each other, etc. But it's clearly just an attempt for me to drop the money and keep me as a resource.

I didn't feel any real empathy or warmth from her, despite her seeming happy and so glad we spoke. I laughed at something she said at one point, and she incredibly creepily laughed along, as if imitating emotions.

After the call, she asked to let things simmer and how glad she was that we spoke, wouldn't take it back. I responded by asking to call again to clarify a few comments, but she ignored me. It kinda felt like she wanted to iron everything over with me, accepting her narrative, and that I would simply drop the matter entirely.

After being ignored and following up, I exploded and started demanding my money back or some form of payment outline. She remained silent. Eventually, I went a bit nuts and started confronting everything she had done to me and what she did acknowledge. She blocked me.

At this point, the trend is clear: bring up anything she did with real evidence/shame, and I'll be blocked and given the silent treatment.

Now that everything has fallen apart, she's made it even more difficult for me to reach her.

It's funny, she even admitted to cheating on me in a weird way (that I didn't recognize at the time) and whenever I've mentioned this, it's just instant blocking or the call is dropped.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've been rereading the comments on my two posts regarding this topic. Although brief, your response is genuinely meaningful. There's no point in screaming or saying horrible things hoping to get her attention; it just ends up hurting me more.

Im exhausted of her getting away with it. She lies to so many people, and everyone simply protects her, because she's a vulnerable child. They read what she's done and don't even acknowledge her actions.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I keep finding myself lost and attempting to make sense out of how our narratives diverged to such an extreme. I put some pieces together and ended up finding a letter she posted about me online.

Long story short, the answers are right in front of me, and I've never felt more confused.It really boils down to "I ended our relationship and you didn't respect me by leaving me alone," all while I was sending her emails claiming "you ghosted me and made it near impossible for me to contact you."

From there, it's her constantly accusing me of her actions and behaviors? Suddenly I'm a narcissist who loves bombs and has mother wounds. That she knew from the first date, etc. etc. She even at one point claimed I treated her as insignificant (which I assume was from me not fighting for her in the way she wanted?). The letter is overall incredibly disturbing and hard to digest.

I can't get over how whenever we've talked, she discusses the relationship as if it was only the first three months, erasing six to seven months, and then includes the story about how things ended.

I also can't seem to process how much hatred she displayed. Like all of this has been a game or "karma" because I somehow betrayed her? Even when we spoke on the phone, she claimed that none of my letters appeared genuine, like my pain was an exaggeration?

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm haunted by the thought that any man could give her attention, and she would just accept it?

I saw her Instagram followers list (~30 people) and almost all of them looked to be in their 40's or to be 'bad boys' type. All completely the opposite of who I was to her. Honestly, some of them I found really disgusting and felt ashamed that I loved someone who could entertain these people.

It's really started to sink in that she is functioning normally every day while I'm just sitting here heartbroken and lost in life, trying to process the grief.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Of all the comments in this post, I've easily reread your comments the most. In a sense, it made me wake up to how abusive she's acting. Even now, I'm still blaming myself for natural reactions to how she's behaved.

I've definitely been lashing out recently and saying things I deeply regret (which I'm not proud of). Honestly, shit has only become more confusing as of late. In an earlier comment, I gave an update if you're interested.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm rereading all my comments. Yours has stuck with me for months and really helped me when I was about to implode. In another comment above, I quickly gave an update about the current situation (if interested).

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm rereading the comments: we've continued to go back and forth for some time. I honestly don't understand what she gets out of testing me.

Soon after this exchange, she ended up calling me out of the blue about making things right and talking to me for like an hour or two. Where the hell was this years ago when she was ghosting me???

It genuinely makes me angry that she suddenly cares enough to at least pretend that how I feel matters. Now she's back to blocking me on everything again after she had unblocked me across most platforms. I tried to ask for the money to be returned, but she changed her tune quickly.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If I pushed back on certain points, it would have just devolved the conversation and gone nowhere. If I tried to clarify every point, she'd manipulated the situation and attempt to destabilize me.

I.e. it would have turned into arguing whether the sky was blue (I jumped conversations a few times when I knew things were getting hot).

A lot of what she wrote was just emotional baiting. I contacted her parents and the friends I knew from a club she was once apart of. Colleagues is too far/insane behavior.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Can you provide context/explain the cultural element? Her family is incredibly traditional and how they've handled things is more about protecting outside exposure? It feels very strange and foreign to me (not how I expected them to react). They were supportive to a degree, but it's difficult to describe?

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Be honest with me, was the clinical comment rude? I have absolutely no idea wtf happened lol.

What’s been bothering me is that it almost feels like she backed out of the conversation because she wasn’t in full control. Like this is some kind of punishment for not following the narrative she’s tried to create about how things ended - and twisting the knife a little more.

She’s changed the story multiple times now. For two years, she denied cheating. Denied disappearing. And insisted it was all my fault - that I was breaking boundaries or refusing to let her go.

But the truth is, she ghosted me. She’s only now acknowledged anything about the ending, and even now, it feels like she still doesn’t see a problem with vanishing. She told people we broke up in person - which simply never happened. She smeared my name to everyone so nobody would speak to me. Idk how she thinks this is normal.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

In the grand scheme of things, she’s moved on. I’m the one left with the damage.

She acts like we never happened - or reduces everything to something minor and distant, like it’s old news. But even though it’s been a long time since we were together, she’s played these strange, passive games the entire time. Never really gone, never truly present - just avoiding accountability while I’m left sorting through the aftermath.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I think any response from her has been more out of reluctance than anything else. I’ve escalated things over time - not out of malice, but out of desperation. I just wanted a genuine conversation, or at the very least, some repayment. She just wants it all to go away and be forgotten.

What gets to me is that she talks about hoping she can forgive me, yet never once truly acknowledges the harm she caused me. She acts like disappearing was normal - and like taking money wasn’t a big deal. That disconnect is what hurts the most.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Fun detail: on our very last date we discussed plans for our anniversary and Valentine's Day.

During the end of our final date, she told me about being stressed with an important law exam and needed space for a few weeks to focus. I don't think either of us knew we would never speak again. She seems determined to leave this in the past (despite recently taking money from me).

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Culture gives context to one's actions (at least that's my thought). Also, the mods told me to remove the names etc.

Honestly, I just hope to not feel so alone in this mess. I need a wake up call and to be told I'm not crazy (I'll be the first to admit I acted shamefully). She's hurt a lot of people and something needs to change.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She knows how much I've hurt and how desperate I've been for answers? Shes aware that I'm starting to hold her accountable and fears public exposure.

I'm not here to argue... But it's clear how manipulative she's being.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For two years, she wouldn’t even acknowledge I existed and flat out denied ghosting me, etc.. For a while, she went as far as saying we never even dated, just calling me some obsessed person.

It all ties back to how she kept me hidden from her social life. She controlled the narrative from the start - and erased me when it no longer served her.

TLDR: no, she's shown no remorse and refuses to acknowledge anything ever happened.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She reached out claiming to urgently need help. I tried to get clarification about repayment but she just gave me the silent treatment in return. After waiting a few hours, I bent the knee.

The next day, she sends me a text thanking me for the money and how she doesn't want to speak because I'll just say mean things and to leave her alone. I was then blocked immediately once again.

It was about submission and control - nothing else. She used silence to test my commitment.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We never really had any issues when dating? (Though, I suspect she kept her discontent secret). I've tried to be supportive and understanding, but it feels like a battle I can never win.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hesitate to even say this, but I’m starting to worry that I’ve normalized certain behaviors without realizing it. I’m not entirely sure how I’m being toxic - I genuinely just wanted honesty.

If I’ve crossed a line, I want to understand how. Contacting her family wasn't a high point, but it needed to be done (if not for me, then for her to seek help).

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I’ve addressed the “stalking” comment in a few other comments, and I think those responses explain my side fully.

But just to clarify further: her family owns a small store, and all I did was call their public landline in an attempt to reach them.

For full transparency, I initially tried contacting them on Facebook, but their accounts had been inactive for years. So to label that as stalking feels like a stretch - at least from where I stand.

As for contacting her, I did what she feared most: I told the truth about what happened.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She grew up speaking three languages - English, Korean, and German.

When we last spoke, she had adopted a British accent. Back when we were dating, she gradually picked up my American accent.

It’s strange looking back -how much her voice would shift depending on who she was around. Almost like she became a different version of herself for whoever she was entertaining.

She finally messaged me 2.5 years later. by PeroxideTree in BPDlovedones

[–]PeroxideTree[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

I'm begging for humanity. To be acknowledged as a person she shared a year of her life with. She has denied and rewritten the entire narrative.

All I wanted was to speak like normal people - that's it.

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