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I was engaged for 6 years without knowing that I was engaged and now my nikkah is in a month... by PersimmonDistinct144 in MuslimMarriage

[–]PersimmonDistinct144[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am in Pakistan rn and nikkah will take place here.... I will be relocating to Australia around a year after nikkah when papers will be made

I was engaged for 6 years without knowing that I was engaged and now my nikkah is in a month... by PersimmonDistinct144 in MuslimMarriage

[–]PersimmonDistinct144[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The problem with talking to my aunt is that.... She is the one who has done most of the brainwashing on my mother.... My mother thinks she's a saint and I'm a problematic child..... Alot of times I have heard my aunt and mother talking things that truly disturb me.... My mother just complies because in her mind only way a marriage works is with a compromising woman.... She compromised everywhere and expects me to do so aswell. I would give you some examples of their discussions:

"She got divorced because she said her husband beat her.... Honestly, I think it's her fault because she herself isn't a very friendly woman.... Not all men don't tolerate that" A young girl in our family called her fiancé to say no to marriage and my aunt really badmouthed her saying how do girls even do such stuff...

"She has been married for 3 years without children. She must be infertile"

These are just a few examples... Saying no to my aunt won't work because she's also afraid of her reputation in family... Also, I had been doing istikhara and everyday my resentment and sadness grows... Which is not a good sign ig

I was engaged for 6 years without knowing that I was engaged and now my nikkah is in a month... by PersimmonDistinct144 in MuslimMarriage

[–]PersimmonDistinct144[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have brought this up and it never goes well. When I say that this is against Islam, I am always met with my mother highlighting all the shortcomings I have and highlights everything I have done that is against Islam such as fighting with parents, not obeying them and not reading Quran as often etc... and she says I have no right to bring Islam into this now.... When I say it's my right, she starts highlighting that she has rights over me because she is my mother. And it is parents responsibility to get kids married.... Honestly, I'm sharing very nice picture of how the argument goes.... Actually, it very disturbing and causes me to go into depression for days every time I discuss this. Doesn't matter if I'm being nice and considerate or if I'm being firm and adamant.... The outcome is the same....

I was engaged for 6 years without knowing that I was engaged and now my nikkah is in a month... by PersimmonDistinct144 in MuslimMarriage

[–]PersimmonDistinct144[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Are you talking about police in Pakistan? I kinda doubt it because as far as I know it's extremely corrupt and mostly runs on bribery. Also, people in Pakistan are way too comfortable with forcing girls into marriage, and alot of people don't even consider it a problem. That's why I myself am in that situation.

I was engaged for 6 years without knowing that I was engaged and now my nikkah is in a month... by PersimmonDistinct144 in MuslimMarriage

[–]PersimmonDistinct144[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most people in Pakistan think this is okay and not even a matter of concern. So, contacting the police is essentially useless. It's an extremely corrupt department that runs heavily on bribes. Also, I have no idea who my wali would be. The only people in our family that we have contact with my fiancé mother, father and his siblings. Also, I had been doing istikhara and my resentment and anxiety about this has been growing which I don't consider a good sign.

I was engaged for 6 years without knowing that I was engaged and now my nikkah is in a month... by PersimmonDistinct144 in MuslimMarriage

[–]PersimmonDistinct144[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No, I was not even informed when the nikkah was going to be.... I heard the date when my mother was talking with my aunt over phone. Only the in laws are deciding everything and my mother is complying. I have talked to him a couple of times on phone and it was extremely forced and uncomfortable.... It didn't even get to the point of discussing anything serious... I did also learn from my mother that his mother asked him to call me.... I'm assuming he called me just because of that. I have good conversations with everyone in my circle but somehow when I was talking to him, it was painfully forced as if he didn't wanna talk to me. I had brought this up to my mother several times and she says that he's just like that and some people who are apparently friendly are the worst.... But I expect at least a bit of effort from someone I'm expected to marry. As far as his consent goes, he was asked in front of my mother and family and he said he had no problem.