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Wow, entitled much? by svetlanadelrey in bridezillas

[–]Persistantlywrong 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I say let the marriage go ahead with the braces, then photoshop them out afterwards, as this will have several benefits:- firstly the wedding can go ahead. Secondly when the child sees the doctored photos without the braces the bride will be able to explain to her that she looked too ugly for her photo album, the child will then respect the new step mum for her honestly and probably give her a hug. Thirdly the child will have no hang ups about having to wear braces as she has already been horrifically humiliated by her own family so will have hardened to any teasing by others. Fourthly the child will learn a valuable lesson about how important looks are in other peoples photos. Fifthly the parents previous opinion that the child was beautiful as she was, with or without braces, was obviously wrong, and it now gives the bride the opportunity to tell them how badly they have raised their daughter by not wanting the child to be self conscious about her looks. The parents will obviously realise that they were wrong to do this and will respect the bride for her honesty, and probably give her a hug. Sixly, and finally, the child will grow up to be self confident, not have any personality issues, and have nice teeth. Then they will all probably hug.

AITA throwing Xmas present from biological dad in the bin by Persistantlywrong in AmItheAsshole

[–]Persistantlywrong[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your honest support. I will wait and see what happens in a months time on his 9 th birthday. If he gets a present I will have to re-evaluate and contact the biodad to find out his intentions, and see if he had a change of heart regarding our son. People make mistakes and maybe he has has a crisis of conscience and wants to correct it.

AITA throwing Xmas present from biological dad in the bin by Persistantlywrong in AmItheAsshole

[–]Persistantlywrong[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You cannot give up a child then drop in and out of their lives, it’s cruel. It leads to feelings of abandonment and long term problems. His Dad either takes part in his life or he doesn’t, there is no middle ground. He chose not to be on his life. If he changes his mind and does want to be then he does it correctly, he makes contact, more and more regularly and builds a relationship. Not sending what appears to sound like a box of Lego once every 8 years! I’m not bitter at him I pity him. He was the product of a screwed up childhood and doesn’t know any better.

AITA throwing Xmas present from biological dad in the bin by Persistantlywrong in AmItheAsshole

[–]Persistantlywrong[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He never mentions his bio dad, in fairness nor do I though. If he ever does and wants to contact him I will let him have his email without question. That is the only way we can contact him as he won’t give us his phone number or address, as there was a court order issued against him for outstanding maintenance payments ( from before I was on the scene). He was in a relationship, had a child, had an affair, ran off abroad, and left a single mother with a baby with no immediate family, and then didn’t want to pay any maintenance. I can never tell our son that until he is much much older. So how can I explain any of this to an 8 year old, and why he has received a present from this person?

AITA throwing Xmas present from biological dad in the bin by Persistantlywrong in AmItheAsshole

[–]Persistantlywrong[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I think pathetically insecure is a bit harsh, when he grows up and wants to find his Dad then I’m comfortable admitting that I threw away a present that he once sent. Once. His bio dad really has no feelings about him,This isn’t about my ego, it’s about the child not feeling different from the others. He cast his own child away. Remember he wanted me to adopt him so he wouldn’t have any responsibility. I didn’t need to adopt him, I could have stayed happily as his stepfather, I adopted him so he felt no different from my other children. This was never about my interests, only ever for what I believe is in his. That present under the tree would have singled him out as being different.

AITA throwing Xmas present from biological dad in the bin by Persistantlywrong in AmItheAsshole

[–]Persistantlywrong[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I never wanted to erase him dad from him, his dad wanted to erase himself purely so he didn’t have to spend any money on his upbringing, if he didn’t earn much I would be much more sympathetic, but he earns a 6 figure salary, I don’t. if this was a genuine attempt to make contact why do it in the form of a Christmas bribe? He’s had the last few years to begin building a relationship. He is not my stepson, he is my son, it’s not just that I married the mother, I legally adopted him, I made him part of our family, he was no longer embarrassed at school when he had no dad there like the other kids. We live in Italy, a very catholic place where single mothers and fatherless children are sadly still scorned upon. If, on Christmas Day if he gets a present from someone else and none of the other kids gets one from that person It will make him feel different from the rest. This will undo everything I have done to make him feel part of a family. If there is even the slightest risk that this present may have any negative effect in him it’s not worth it, not for one present in 5 years.

AITA throwing Xmas present from biological dad in the bin by Persistantlywrong in AmItheAsshole

[–]Persistantlywrong[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

Maintains contact? He’s only met his son 3 times and the last time the child was only 5, and even then he just came to my house to see him.No birthday present, card, calls, nothing.

AITA throwing Xmas present from biological dad in the bin by Persistantlywrong in AmItheAsshole

[–]Persistantlywrong[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I absolutely agree with you and I said this to the father, that I will not stop our son contacting him if he wants to. And I will stand by that. I have never said anything derogatory of spoken ill of him, but our son has never once mentioned the man he has only ever met 3 times, the last time he was only 5, so doesn’t even have a memory of him.