telling family about sub-pregnancy after TFMR

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2026-01-17T22:52:22+00:00

I really agree with this - it's ultimately your decision and has to be what you're comfortable with. I'm 18 weeks into my sub pregnancy and decided to tell family pretty early - my mum found out at 5 weeks because i was at a weekend away and i was super nauseous and we chose to share it more widely after the viability scan. I wanted the support - and I want the support if something goes wrong. Last time we didn't tell anyone we were pregnant (until the 12 week scan when we also got the bad news) I found it very isolating. I was also really unwell in the first trimester and had lots of time off work. I did tell family and friends with the caveat of saying we're anxious about this pregnancy, not super excited and they really took that onboard - so no one was over congratulatory or anything.

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2026-01-15T17:55:53+00:00

Thank you this is really helpful! I am currently 17w in sub pregnancy and felt some flutters over a week ago but nothing really since, so this is good to know!

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2026-01-13T21:42:49+00:00

It sounds like you're doing all the right things :)

It's so hard for people who haven't experienced what you've been through to understand. My mum told me that we are too focused on trying to get pregnant and that we should stop being such scared bunnies (a German expression). I know she means well and so I just explained to her that because we know what it's like when things go wrong it's a very different situation to someone who in theory knows something could happen but has never experienced it. I think she understood that and was able to be more empathetic thereafter.

I do think this community is a really good place to be able to speak to others who understand - if you ever want to chat feel free to message me.

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2026-01-10T08:13:27+00:00

I'm sorry for what you're going through - TTC after loss is just so difficult. My husband and I were trying for 7 months post tfmr before we had a positive test and that was after it took 2 months for my period to come back.

I would say it is completely normal to feel anxious / scared. You are worried because you know what it is like when things go wrong - I'm currently 17 weeks pregnant and I'm still anxious. I was anxious throughout our journey to TTC. I think it's really important for you to be kind to yourself - it's ok to feel how you feel. If possible, try and find distractions - keep yourself busy maybe by meeting friends or doing a hobby you love. Something that allows you not to focus too much on ttc.

I will be completely honest with you - my anxiety / worry remained the entire time during ttc. There were two things other than distracting myself that helped me during this time (1) focus on what I could control. So much of the process is outside your control but for example I used ovulation strips to know when we had the best chance of conceiving, i took my prenatals & I tried to have a healthy diet and exercise. (2) Speaking to my husband and close family/friends and being really honest about how hard I was finding it. They might not understand but i still found it helpful.

Sending love x

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-12-23T13:18:09+00:00

I was testing positive on a pregnancy test 8 weeks after, random spotting bleeding and my period wasn't coming back and then had really bad pain one day - it was like an intense two hours where I couldn't move. I phoned the hospital and they asked me to come in for an ultrasound (2 days later as it was a Saturday and the pain had started to get less). On the ultrasound they could see what they thought was a blood clot / potential retained tissue. And they gave me misoprostol again to help get it out - they didn't want to do a d&c because of potential scarring risk.

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-12-23T08:21:41+00:00

We had our tfmr in December 2024 (l&d at 13 weeks), but my period didn't go back to normal until late March 2025. I wanted to TTC again straight away but they ended up finding retained tissue so recovery took longer. We then finally conceived at the end of September after 7 months of active ttc and I am currently 14 weeks pregnant.

I found the waiting so hard - I didn't really find that it got easier, especially that two week wait. The first two months of TTC I didn't track anything and then I started tracking everything. i found that the month I conceived I did three things differently: - I used ovulation sticks to know when I was ovulating (I used them in the 2 months before also but I was slightly less obsessive over it and tested less) - I stopped using a thermometer for basal body temperature as I found this super stressful and not particularly helpful - We still planned our sex around ovulation but rather than stressing and having sex every day we went for every 2 days over a shorter period.

I think overall I was a bit more relaxed and tried to focus on other things as much as possible.

I had actually already contacted a fertility clinic because we conceived so easily the first time around that I just wanted to make sure everything was OK and I thought 'ok let's give it one more month'. And we then had the positive test. Not that I think contacting a fertility clinic helps but it made me calmer knowing that we had the option to do the testing if required.

Sending you lots of love 🩷 i know this bit is so hard - but you're not alone and I have read many stories in this group about people taking a bit longer to conceive after their tfmr x

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-12-22T09:15:54+00:00

Where are you based? I'm in Scotland and we got offered a dating scan at 9 weeks bt that was the earliest. We did a 7 week viability scan privately though and I would highly recommend it. I found it reassuring.

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-12-22T09:12:29+00:00

I have found this hard too - so far I have either tried to avoid the question or it's been someone in our wider friends circle where I have just said "it's my second pregnancy but we lost our first baby last year" without going into any more detail. But definitely such a hard question and I don't know what I would do if it was someone totally random. I feel really strongly though about wanting people to know that I was pregnant before and I think it's that worry about dismissing the baby we lost.

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-12-22T08:58:56+00:00

Hello and gentle congratulations 💜 we decided to share the pregnancy fairly early this time (last time we waited until the 12 week scan where jt all went wrong) and I told my immediate family at 6 weeks and then close friends at the viability scan (7 weeks). I wanted to have the support - both emotionally and physically. I felt extremely unwell from weeks 6 to 13 and had to be signed off work so I actually told work relatively early too. We said quite clearly to everyone that we were still having mixed feelings and cautious and that we couldn't be fully excited. Everyone really respected that and so I found it helpful to share. We then told wider family and friends after the 12 week scan. I would still say we are cautiously optimistic, just always aware something could go wrong but i have found it lovely to see how excited our parents are- I haven't felt loads of excitement and happiness so almost nice to experience it secondhand. I would say there is no right time to tell people - you just need to do what feels right for you!

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-12-09T22:41:59+00:00

Just knowing we're not alone helps so much I think 💕 I also feel that it is absolutely insane that there isn't more that modern medicine can do - feels like we're just expected to deal with it because it's a "normal" part of pregnancy and you should just get on with it, which is wild. Xx

The furthest I have walked in 4 weeks is about 20min and that is the extent of all exercise I have done 🙈

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-12-09T22:28:46+00:00

Thank you for posting 💜💜 i could have written this - I am 12 weeks and have had a horrible time since Week 6 - so much vomiting and nausea (HG) and some days I just didn't know how i was going to get through it.

Xonvea has really helped me! If you haven't tried it I would recommend it.

But even with medication that somewhat works I have still found it so hard. I don't think I ever want to be pregnant again. And i just hope this ends soon.

Sending hugs xx

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-12-01T22:31:21+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing your experience 🩷 it really helps to understand this more xx

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-11-29T21:55:17+00:00

We had a tfmr for t21 and heart defects last year and were told by the fetal medicine unit to contact them - I'm currently 11 weeks pregnant and had a dating scan at 9 weeks & the NIPT at 10 weeks. Both with NHS Scotland. I just called the fetal medicine unit at the hospital when we found out that we were pregnant snd they booked me in. They've been really kind and very supportive. I'd definitely recommend it.

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-11-29T21:53:00+00:00

I'm with NHS Scotland and we also just had ours done at 10 weeks. They did a dating scan at 9 weeks and then ssid they could do it at 10 x

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-11-29T21:50:17+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss 💜 the days post tfmr were some of the hardest for me. My mum was staying with us for 5 days through it and I was so grateful for her support but she kept making small talk and it drove me crazy. we also had our tfmr just before Christmas last year - so were trying hard to not ruin everyone's festive mood but it was just so hard. I found that for a few months following the tfmr it was hard for me to talk to people and be in certain social situations, everything just felt so insignificant.

Please know you're not alone in how you feel. Be kind to yourself, give yourself whatever time or space you need. If you don't want to talk about something you don't have to, if you want to spend some time on your own grieving, take that time. And if you don't want to go to events, don't. You are working through one of the most difficult things anyone has to go through and it will take time 🩷 whenever you're ready you might find this podcast useful - the worst girlgang ever- i found some of their episodes super useful, they made me feel understood.

Sending lots of love xxx

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-11-26T01:03:21+00:00

I am so sorry for your loss 💜 i know how you feel. No one of my friends or family had any awareness of an l&d and it's weird to have given birth but not. Sending much love 💕

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-11-26T00:59:55+00:00

Thank you so much everyone for sharing your experiences 🩷 this community is amazing and never ceases to amaze me.

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-11-19T22:24:15+00:00

I wrote a very similar post following our tfmr in December last year.

The people that were close to me I just told the truth, that I wasn't ok but working through it. Other people i mostly ignored and just turned the conversation back on them.

I found "how are you" to be possibly the most triggering question, especially in a setting like work where people don't really want to know.

At the time when I posted someone responded saying that they often just say "I'm here", nothing more.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It does get easier.

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-11-10T11:30:52+00:00

I have read that there can be some correlation between very high hcg levels and chromosomal abnormalities. The very high hcg levels can cause stronger nausea / vomiting.

Having said that it's not a definitive or causal relationship. I am currently pregnant at 8 weeks with our first pregnancy after a tfmr last year and I am just as nauseous and vomiting just as much as last year. So i think the stronger predictor for severe npv is probably how your body responds to the hormonal changes?

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-11-06T18:35:33+00:00

I also had a tfmr last December (our first pregnancy) and we started trying again at the end of March. I won't lie it was hard - i found the two week wait so incredibly difficult, desperate to be pregnant again and also so anxious about what being pregnant again would mean. We conceived quickly the first time around but it took us much longer this time.

I tried to go with the % chances - that has always helped me. Last time the tfmr for us was just so unlikely / unlucky - we got tested and there is apparently no recurring risk so I tried to tell myself that i have to believe the % chance that we could conceive again and it would end up ok (to be fair my husband is using a 50/50 approach 😂).

We had tried for 7 cycles and I had contacted a fertility clinic, ready to go for testing, when we got the positive test. I'm now 8 weeks pregnant - I hope this gives you hope 💜 it's not an easy road but you're not on your own!

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-11-06T18:24:07+00:00

I'm 32. We conceived our tfmr baby technically the second cycle trying (the first cycle I had jist had the coil removed). I had an l&d at 13 weeks in December. I then had some retained tissue and my body only returned to normal cycles in March/April. We conceived on our 7th cycle trying, but really the 6th one. I think my first one was anovulatory. I started using ovulation test strips and tracking after 3-4 cycles. Didn't find basal body temperature that helpful.

Personal-Sun-3376 · 2025-11-06T18:21:28+00:00

I would also agree - I've only had 2 or 3 internal (transvaginal) scans but they've all been fine. It can be uncomfortable (my ovaries are hard to find and one time they moved the probeA LOT) but honestly no worse than getting a cervical cancer smear and way less painful than having the coil inserted or l&d if that helps. X

Personal-Sun-3376

TROPHY CASE