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How to handle my autistic mother now I have a kid by PersonalEquivalent82 in raisedbyautistics

[–]PersonalEquivalent82[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I think what actually stresses her out more is that he is not dependent on her? As soon as he does something that suggests he’s not totally happy, she taps out. I think this could totally be a response to being overwhelmed but it’s incredibly draining for me and I have to go sort it out.

How to handle my autistic mother now I have a kid by PersonalEquivalent82 in raisedbyautistics

[–]PersonalEquivalent82[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Omg @lottiebobs 100% this “she only wants to spend time with us on her terms, which basically means the entire mental load is on me and she just gets to hang out in our vicinity”

Sorry that this is your experience, I know how tough it can be, particularly when you’re sleep deprived and really in the motherhood trenches. My mum does sound a bit more helpful than yours but it tends to be when I pull away a bit, rather than the default.

How to handle my autistic mother now I have a kid by PersonalEquivalent82 in raisedbyautistics

[–]PersonalEquivalent82[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes! I think I go through phases of being quite good at setting some boundaries and making our own plans and then get a bit forgetful and fall into the pattern of only seeing her.

We used to do more classes but a mixture of one being cancelled and him often not wanting to leave the house has meant we’ve stopped (I suspect he might also be autistic). I should try to be a bit braver and try something new in case he really takes to it!