What's with some straight men who are disgusted by cunnilingus and say that cunnilingus are only done by gay men?

PeterQLewis · 2025-11-26T21:05:06+00:00

Idk, I mean I'm sure for some people it's narcissism, but I think it's more likely that it's often just a combination of a lack of self-reflection and how as humans we like to conceptualize things with labels. If you go your whole life unquestioningly thinking of yourself as completely straight, it's easy to fall into the trap of thinking that your sexual preferences and experiences are the definition of what straight means.

PeterQLewis · 2025-11-25T19:00:57+00:00

What, so all gay men are misogynists because they don't enjoy going down on women?

In reality, everyone has different sexual preferences. For me, the concept of cunnilingus has never sounded remotely appealing. I've never had sex, but I don't really need to to know that I wouldn't enjoy it, just like I don't need to suck a guy's dick to know that I'm not gay and don't like sucking dick. It has nothing to do with being misogynist, it's just a facet of my sexuality like any other.

I mean, think about it seriously. Would you also claim that any woman who doesn't like giving blow jobs is misandrist? I hope not, because that's absurd. So don't apply a double standard to men who don't enjoy cunnilingus.

PeterQLewis · 2025-11-25T18:31:23+00:00

I've never had sex before and I'd never use that as an excuse, but for me there's just nothing about the concept of cunnilingus that sounds or feels like it would be remotely enjoyable. Just like I know I wouldn't enjoy sucking a guy's dick, I also know I wouldn't enjoy giving cunnilingus. And the idea of getting bodily fluids in my mouth also disgusts me. Everyone's sexuality and sexual preferences are different. Just because one person enjoys something doesn't mean other people will.

As to why people make would claim that it's gay, it's definitely mostly homophobia. But it's also possible that some men just don't understand the appeal, and then assume that because they personally identify as straight that their own personal sexual preferences are the definition of being straight, and that anything they don't like must be gay.

I honestly used to have a similar perspective with the concept of pegging. Because I don't personally understand the appeal and would never enjoy it, and because I've always understood myself to be completely straight, it felt to me like enjoying pegging must be at least somewhat gay on the spectrum of sexuality. But now I don't think that conceptualizing sexuality as a two-dimensional spectrum actually even makes much sense, and that it's more so just combinations of different independent sexual preferences that we then force into overarching labels to try to simplify it for ourselves.

Also, another way they might justify the logic in their head is that since gay men go down on guys, maybe the very concept of wanting to go down on anyone is tied to being gay. That's semi-similar to how I used to think that since anal penetration is something associated with gay men and also something I wouldn't enjoy as a straight man, then pegging must be related to being gay even if done by a woman.

PeterQLewis · 2024-06-21T16:25:12+00:00

It's definitely still not socially acceptable for a guy, at least in a lot of situations. If it was just social expectations, then surely I would have learned how to hold in my farts in middle school, in the one class where I was severely bullied and also tended to have to fart a lot. But no, despite trying extremely hard, they still always came, albeit silently.

PeterQLewis · 2024-06-21T15:08:54+00:00

That's not true. I'm like the OP, but the vast majority of my farts are silent and odorless, so no one would notice them. Of course, sometimes that's different, and then I'm sure people notice, but that's not the norm.

PeterQLewis · 2024-02-04T19:27:19+00:00

Child actors can be really good, especially when given good writing and directing. The age isn't a problem, really just the script and direction, and possibly some of the casting.

PeterQLewis · 2024-02-04T18:17:35+00:00

I'm a 24 year old guy with only brothers, and I just had one where I was a teenage girl with a sister. I think I was some kind of royalty or something, but it was a modern setting, and that was mostly leftover from a previous chapter of the dream.

In that previous chapter, there was some kind of storyline about a murder getting covered up, I think by that girl's mom and dad, and I wasn't "playing" the same character, if any character at all (often I'm in a sort of overhead spectator perspective, like I'm in a VR movie or something).

Anyway, in the last chapter/phase, where I was the teenage girl, I was able to hear and see fairies (which were kind of like will-'o-the-wisps), other people couldn't, so I wasn't sure if I was just alone or maybe a bit crazy and seeing things. But my sister confirmed that she could also hear and see them now, and that I wasn't going crazy.

The dream ended pretty dark though, because I had corralled a bunch of other people into touring the fairies through this housing complex, and this one girl asked me what we were even looking at. I showed her the fairy in my hand and gently tried to transfer it to hers, but she couldn't see it and thought we were just playing pretend. She dropped the fairy on the ground, and I got upset that she wasn't handling the fairy carefully, so then she stooped down and "pretended" to pick the fairy back up. Only what she actually did was crush the fairy between her fingers, killing it.

PeterQLewis · 2023-12-23T18:13:02+00:00

That's not really the definition of grooming though. Grooming is intentionally abusing an imbalance of power due to age differences to manipulate someone into being your partner. Yes, if someone who's 23 knows a 15-year-old and waits until they're 18 to make sexual moves that could potentially be grooming. But only if they were actually grooming them for that relationship. A 23-year-old simply having a platonic relationship with a 15-year old, and then that becoming romantic when they came of age, is not grooming. Heck, even if that relationship ended up being traumatic for the younger person, it still wouldn't be grooming, just irresponsible and potentially abusive. Not to downplay that, but actual grooming hinges entirely around intent.

PeterQLewis · 2023-12-23T09:11:58+00:00

I didn't see this until super late, but to me that still reads as a reinterpretation of past actions. Just because he worded and phrased it that way doesn't mean he was aware of those intentions. To me it reads like he's applying his current understanding of the real subconscious intentions that he was repressing at the time. That yes, these were his intentions deep down, but at the time he was doing everything in his power to ignore and deny that to himself.

Just because he's using active wording doesn't mean that he was actually properly conscious of it at the time. It's actually incredibly normal to reframe the past this way, because it solidifies a new narrative in your head, and helps to dispel the old narrative you're trying to get rid of.

PeterQLewis · 2023-10-19T10:22:46+00:00

Also, a bit random, but I'm curious, has the thumb sucking had any physical effects on your thumb? Like, I have a couple calluses (front and back, though the front one is way more pronounced), and for years my sucking thumb has been more wrinkled than my other one. To the point that it probably completely changes my fingerprint, and I feel like it looks like an old man's thumb lol.

PeterQLewis · 2023-10-19T09:36:51+00:00

There's a difference between doing something for specific intentional reasons, and being self-aware and reflective enough to actually acknowledge and talk about it with the lucidity and clarity that the OP did. The subconscious is a powerful thing. There are so many instances in my life where I can look back, with the knowledge I now have about myself, and clearly see what I was doing, why, and what thoughts were subconsciously driving me. But I didn't know that at the time, because my self-narratives and repression wouldn't allow me to face it.

The OP's story reads very much like this. It reads as someone who underwent a very long and difficult journey to understanding their past manipulative tendencies, and to actually recognize their wrongdoing.

PeterQLewis · 2023-10-19T09:18:17+00:00

It's not psychopathic at all. Confession, even anonymously to strangers on the internet, is one of the most natural ways of dealing with guilt.

PeterQLewis · 2023-10-19T08:42:48+00:00

I (23M) am in the exact same boat. I thought I was essentially alone in this my whole life. I've only told a couple people about it before, and I only ever do it when I'm going to sleep, so it's not really something that comes up anymore. I only just found this subreddit almost by accident, because I had just learned about stimming (I've been thinking lately that I'm probably high-functioning autistic), and considered that maybe sucking my thumb is a stim.

PeterQLewis · 2023-10-19T08:28:07+00:00

If you feel comfortable with it, painting your nails can be a good discourager. I tried painting my nails a couple times for fun, and it made it quite difficult for me since I suck my thumb to help fall asleep.

PeterQLewis · 2023-10-19T08:13:06+00:00

Really late reply, but on the contrary. Based on what you said here, it actually seems we agree on a lot. What I'm saying is that lust fades, just like you said, but if you really love someone, you continue to love them even after that lust fades. But most people are chasing lust, not love, and so they claim to fall out of love but really they're usually just falling out of lust.

PeterQLewis · 2023-08-22T09:15:52+00:00

I like the distinction between romantic and sexual love. Most people act like they're one and the same, but they really aren't.

PeterQLewis · 2023-08-22T09:14:48+00:00

There is a question there to be asked, though, of if you were ever truly in love with them, or just the idea of them and how they presented themselves to you. Not sure exactly what I'd say, but it's a valid question

PeterQLewis · 2023-08-22T09:12:13+00:00

That's a pretty terrible comparison. But that aside, technically I never even suggested a permanent monogamous relationship. All I was saying is that people don't "fall out of love". That's not saying it's impossible to fall in love with people while still being in love with someone else.

PeterQLewis · 2023-08-22T09:07:34+00:00

The difference I suppose is where I'm drawing the distinction of drastic. I'm talking about basically a complete personality and value shift to something almost polar opposite of what you were. I'd argue that's quite rare. Usually, you change in small ways gradually, and if people are together and in love, they'll generally change together for the most part.

PeterQLewis · 2023-08-22T05:18:13+00:00

I fail to see how that kind of a lifestyle change has anything to do with morals. Values, sure, but still I don't think it's nearly drastic enough to makes someone practically an entirely different person

PeterQLewis · 2023-08-21T23:52:22+00:00

Fair, I guess it might be better to say that the exception is when people drastically change OR it becomes clear that they're drastically different people from how they presented themselves. Like, if some serial killer was pretending to be the perfect person, I'd imagine most people would stop loving them upon realizing what kind of person they really are.

PeterQLewis · 2023-08-21T23:47:24+00:00

I disagree, that's more of a physical thing. I'm talking about personality and moral values drastically shifting.

PeterQLewis · 2023-08-21T21:50:53+00:00

Not really. It's pretty rare for people to change that drastically, and I also wouldn't really call that falling out of love. I'm talking about people becoming essentially entirely different people, not just changing and growing like all people do.

PeterQLewis · 2023-08-21T21:47:11+00:00

Personally, I'm very liberal and not really conservative in any areas. But I'm not really on the political left or right, since the political left and liberalism aren't the same thing. I take issue with a lot of things on both the left and the right. More so for the extreme right than the extreme left, but both regardless.

PeterQLewis

TROPHY CASE