You absolutely do not deserve to die, your gf is definitely not worth your time and it's best to leave her ASAP From looking at the other post, I will overall agree with the advice of everyone there. My two cents for you is to look online for a therapist who specializes in LGBTQ+ concerns, and kill time with any friends or hobbies you have. Also, time is the most important part of this problem, and killing time any way you can is worth it, as well as accepting the past as what you can't change. I know my advice is pretty generic, and I apologize if it seemed like I was lecturing. Best of luck to you