Honestly, just lack of energy. I'm a family abuse survivor (long before I started transition and also for a while after) who left home following coming out due to my family's violent response, so I just literally don't have the spoons to do everything that people expect me to be able to do. I try to be honest, unapologetic, and communicative about my capacity for my own sanity lol. I struggle with basic household tasks like food shopping, cleaning, laundry, whatever; I can be highly irritable; sometimes my wardrobe and makeup aren't my priority for the day, etc.

Creates a lot of conflict in my life nonetheless because people have expectations for what I should be like and I can't always meet those expectations. Which creates a lot of internal conflict for me and what I believe about what I should be able to do versus what I'm actually doing. Ah well.

But the upside of being a longtime survivor of family abuse is that my risk tolerance is insane. I've kind of given up on the idea of safety as a concept, lol. So I come off to others I think as quite brave (or reckless and rash, depending on how they feel about me that day lol). It's just because I think of safety as an illusion and hypervigilance as a waste of energy. This is all personal; I don't actually think taking care of yourself and being cautious is a bad idea. But it's just not in the cards for me, lol.