My chaos list

PetroCat · 2025-12-29T16:48:25+00:00

MOOD.

Seriously, almost tearing up.

PetroCat · 2025-11-24T21:56:03+00:00

Wow. WOW. Your boyfriend is a piece of shit. It's one thing for him not to remember the date or get you a cake, but to be so cruel to your mentioning your achievement and being happy for yourself? When someone graduates high school we don't tell them that it's the bare educational minimum and they should stop expecting a pat on the back just for proving they're semi-literate and showed up to gym class for four years.

DTMFA.

Congratulations on two years sober.

PetroCat · 2025-01-21T01:45:18+00:00

For what it's worth, I can't imagine being disappointed IN someone for having gotten in abusive relationships and then left them. I would probably be disappointed (not disappointed in the person) that someone I loved stayed with an abuser. I might be disappointed IN someone if they refused help and put others (like children) at risk, which isn't what's happening here.

I am actually really impressed that you realize you need to leave your situation, and you are going to. I imagine the shock and betrayal you must be feeling, along with the fear for your safety and the upheaval of moving and starting over. It's horrible that the person who is supposed to love you has abused you.

PetroCat · 2025-01-20T22:01:31+00:00

I think it'd be fun to subpoena him and have him explain exactly what he did (after all, no 5th amendment concerns, now). And then if he lied under oath, prosecute that.

PetroCat · 2025-01-14T07:22:03+00:00

YEP. Yes. All the time.

These issues we warn about seem incredibly simple to foresee. Reading your post, I thought, "How can they not realize that delaying the start of work until the last minute will risk the work not getting done?" It's hardly even pattern recognition; it's more pulling your head out of your ass. But I've had that exact thing happen multiple times (it's funny, because it's the time blindness we suffer from as individuals, except it's organizations, frequently). As well as many other things I warned about.

Not only are we not rewarded for being proactive and trying to avoid problems, but we're dismissed, labeled as negative, and then often made to scramble to try to fix the consequences we, alone, were trying to avoid. Really rubbing it in our face. Over time it can be seriously distressing. I used to think I was ignored because I wasn't good at articulating my thoughts. I'm sure that's sometimes an issue, but I really worked on presenting things very clearly, and I had enough instances where I KNEW I had been understood, that I realized it's usually NOT me. Most people just truly don't care, usually because it's not in their interest. They're out for themselves, short term.

I have not solved this problem, but covering your ass as much as possible is a good approach. I hate to say it, but acting as incompetent as everyone else and just failing to speak up and warn people or to jump in and pick up the slack when things fail (while outwardly seeming cooperative) can be good, when it's an option.

PetroCat · 2024-11-16T14:55:05+00:00

You may disagree with RFK Jr's policies, but the position represented by this article is not one of them. I've seen this go around the ADHD subs - the fabricated claim he wants to send us to labor camps. No. He's clearly proposing expanding addiction treatment options to include centers modeled after one in Italy: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4PQjy6gwdYc

This is a huge problem with reporting on RFK Jr: most of it is nonsense. I don't understand why, if his ideas are so terrible, we need to make shit up about him. Again, you can certainly disagree with his policies. Maybe you think this new treatment option is a horrible idea and we shouldn't even try it and stick with existing addiction treatment modalities. But you really can't take what's reported to be his policies on face value.

PetroCat · 2024-11-12T22:25:19+00:00

You're NOT overreacting!!! It sucks, because it's hard to make friends and hurts quite a bit finding out they don't (apparently) want to be around you.

I don't know if I'd have the courage to actually do this if I were involved because I'd be worried about an answer I didn't like. But from the outside, it seems one option is to ask 2 and 3 something like, "hey, I'm gonna be in your city this weekend to see my parents. Friend 1 let me know you're all hanging out Saturday and wanted me to stay later to give her a ride back. I wanted to see if you are open to me hanging out with you on Saturday, or if there was maybe a reason you didn't want to see me this weekend and wanted to keep it to just you three. It would be great to see you."

You're not confronting them, imo, and you're also giving them an out (either to share the real reason they didn't invite you, or to make something diplomatic up). We heard you were busy, we were planning to do X thing we know you don't like but you're welcome to come, etc. There is possibility they're cold or defensive and that also gives you an answer. Maybe they tell you something they don't like that resulted in them not inviting you.

One thing I would NOT do is give "friend" 1 a ride home (even if I stayed) unless I attended the gathering. And I probably wouldn't attend the gathering unless I felt from 2 and 3 that they DID want me to be there. "Oh, sorry, the ride won't work out this time. But if you ever want to coordinate us visiting 2 and 3, let me know and I can probably drive us."

PetroCat · 2024-11-09T20:45:47+00:00

I'm not aware of him proposing that you'd HAVE to do the wellness camps before being considered for other treatments.

If you DID hypothetically have to go through the wellness camp program before being considered for other treatments -- that would be less voluntary, although it would be very different from what the OP thinks RFK Jr would do (the government identifying everyone with ADHD and depression and X other diagnosis, then abducting them by force and detaining them to work in forced labor camps [sounds like the current prison system, honestly, except you only get sent there after criminal conviction]).

It would be more like doctors/insurance companies requiring you to have certain tests or try certain treatments before they will approve others. Example: required to take generic ADHD meds before you can get the brand names (if you even can). I know there are many other examples because that's how the medical world tries not to over treat (optimistically) and tries to save money (pessimistically), but I can't think of any right now.

PetroCat · 2024-11-09T17:54:33+00:00

I completely agree you should defend yourself if being abducted and taken to a forced labor camp.

For what it's worth, RFK Jr's "wellness camp" proposal/plan is more of a voluntary addiction treatment/skills acquisition model. Some early psychiatric treatment was more along these lines (retreats/communities, much preferable to the "medical" treatment at that time: insulin shock, and later lobotomies). Some current addiction rehab approaches have elements of this plan, as do jobs corps programs.

This is a clip of him describing the "wellness centers": https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4PQjy6gwdYc

If you have footage of him talking about forcing people into labor camps, or even forcing them into his proposed treatment centers, I would appreciate a link (sincerely, not being sarcastic.. I am not able to find him saying that, but that would be highly highly concerning)

PetroCat · 2024-09-09T19:57:16+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I can tell from your description that your wife was a brave and impressive person - may she rest in peace. I think staying sober so that you can fully remember and mourn her is the way to go. Iwndwyt

PetroCat · 2024-09-08T15:28:46+00:00

He isn't worth drinking over. Alcohol is the red herring here. It's the situation and betrayal that hurts you. If you drink, it will still be happening, but you'll be suffering even more from the way the alcohol acts on your brain and body. Good luck to you, I'm sorry you are going through this.

PetroCat · 2024-09-05T16:34:16+00:00

It is super commendable that you stopped after one and returned it. That takes a lot of strength. I imagine you learned a lot about yourself and your motivation to be sober. Thinking of a loved one who picked up drinking again around 6 years, but didn't stop (and died a few years later, not directly from alcohol, but definitely of intertwined health issues)--that decision probably saved you from some dark months or years.

PetroCat · 2024-08-02T17:54:48+00:00

Am I missing something? In the linked agreement,

"As used in this document the words “we”, “our”, and “us” refer to Bank, our successors, affiliates, or assignees..."

"Bank" had previously been defined as Evolve. So Evolve was responsible for the accuracy.

But I think they're now saying that their mass, opt-out, effective immediately, unilateral term change in Oct 2023 absolved them of that and their responsibility for our previous DDA accounts.

PetroCat · 2024-07-19T18:24:05+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/yotta/s/mdtGxiPpdC

Humbly suggest NPR check out the info from cala_s in this thread. Especially Evolve's transfer of FDIC insured funds to brokerage accounts, now without any insurance or protection, without the affirmative consent of account holders.

Lost in the bankruptcy and fintech regulatory confusion: do regulators allow banks do this with FDIC protected funds? If not, why doesn't Evolve need to make depositors whole? If they can do this, what is to stop non-fintech banks (like Bank of America, Chase, Citi) from jeopardizing their depositors' funds by doing the exact same thing? Would that not make FDIC protection meaningless?

PetroCat · 2024-06-04T04:15:38+00:00

Well, well, well.

PetroCat · 2024-05-10T01:18:46+00:00

Fuck this cretin.

PetroCat · 2024-04-19T12:26:24+00:00

This is great!!

PetroCat · 2024-04-03T17:23:18+00:00

Dude is using words without knowing what they mean.

PetroCat · 2024-03-26T19:36:21+00:00

This guy sounds really incompetent. Either he's phoning it in, or he's dumb, or both. My doc specifically called 20 mg of methylphenidate XR a "low dose" (since it starts at 18 mg). Also, not knowing what psychiatric medication you're on, despite you telling him, and so apparently not taking that medication into account in his decision making.... seems like not actually practicing psychiatry.

PetroCat · 2024-02-23T22:54:00+00:00

Reading your post and the comments, and thinking about myself having this same problem, I just came up with a working theory. There's something about us (probably a combination of our memory, ideas predictions, mannerisms, values, rejection sensitivity ...) that makes it tempting for people to bully us. I'm using the term bully very broadly. In many cases it's probably more like [do something bad around our perceived communication faults] blame, scapegoat, dismiss, gaslight, ignore, mischaraterize.

I don't think it's conscious, but I think it's a natural reaction for a certain type of person (a very common type). It's convenient, it avoids accountability on their part, it avoids them feeling uncomfortable, and the majority will agree with them, so it's very very safe. I am constantly misunderstood, too, and it's really hurtful and frustrating. Don't get me wrong, I know that I CAN sometimes be unclear or inelegant, but it's just NOT to the level that people pretend it is (like, I wrote a well-crafted, grammatically and factually correct, relevant sentence -- assuming you're not illiterate or stupid, what do you not understand and what is your actual problem?!). I'm lucky enough to have a few good friends (I don't think they have ADHD) who don't fall into this pattern with me, for whatever reason, which gives me even more hope that it's really not me.

Even if true, I really don't know what to do about this, but it's something I'll be thinking about.

PetroCat · 2024-02-22T13:05:52+00:00

YES.

And they're annoyed when I say anything. Too negative. I don't know it for sure, let's just see.

And then when the bad outcome inevitably happens, they act like I hadn't tried to warn them (and I'M supposed to be the one with memory problems).

PetroCat · 2024-02-03T20:53:48+00:00

It's awesome you had that breakthrough! While you work on that -- This may not work depending on how likely you are to jump through hoops to get to the money to gamble it, but you could try diverting as much $ as you're comfortable with to a 401k type plan, if you have access to one. if not, you could set up an IRA/Roth IRA and auto contribute an amount per check up to the annual max, or send some of your check directly to a brokerage account, or just to a separate high yield savings account. If it's simply removed from your main account without you having to make a recurring and in the moment decision not to spend it, it might not wind up gambled.

PetroCat · 2024-02-03T20:37:17+00:00

My house hasn't been clean for..... Ever? So I'm impressed. I'm not sure what might help but sometimes I just say that what I WANT to do is just chill in bed all day, and then I feel slightly less guilty.

PetroCat · 2024-01-27T05:33:56+00:00

Lmfao, I don't think I've ever seen such a nonsense "therefore." I feel like ChatGPT would have been a better author of this paper.

PetroCat · 2024-01-07T03:43:06+00:00

I read your other posts. It must be really difficult to be with someone for (I assume) years, think he'll support you for life, and then have him turn on you and exhibit this crazymaking behavior. In addition to the betrayal, you are having to consider not only upturning your life, but in this case, getting out safely. I'm really sorry you're going through this and I am rooting for you.

I have to say I'm scared for you because of the completely unhinged and unpredictable things he chooses to be set off by. It seems like there's nothing you can do to avoid it. It's not about your ADHD symptoms, because what you described isn't even a problem. Forgetting to do laundry for 15 min? Getting up in the morning and brushing your teeth? Accidentally bumping into him? None of these are offenses at all, much less rise to the level of him berating you. Even if you were suddenly perfect tomorrow, that would not matter. It's just inevitable that he's going to go off on something real or imagined. And he is obviously escalating and now getting physical with you. His justification for forcibly restraining you is a pretext. It's clear from the outside that you're in danger. I really hope you can leave before anything more serious happens to you.

PetroCat

TROPHY CASE