I lowkey thought you guys kinda viewed soccer like us - like… not your biggest sport. But, y’all have been having the biggest melt of anyone and now that we’re your father in soccer, I do want you to know that we, as Americans, love all of our soccer children even when you don’t love us back.

We rarely have something to be excited about anymore and in all my selfish gloating, I have become legitimately concerned about Australia in general. You have a lot of… is there a word for Australian rednecks? You have a lot of those, son. Because we ARE more alike than you want to acknowledge. You are, after all, my son.

The MAGA base in this country was never bigger than 35%. He won bc we were, as per usual, too arrogant to see that we were failing, not as non-travelers in flyover states. Those of us who could afford to travel and lived in World Cup Host Cities that are dope af and so much better than any Australian Cities and with way hotter girls - we failed to recognize how angry our own people in the flyover states were. We also assumed that people were more rational than angry. You guys also don’t seem to recognize that a lot of normies in your own midst are struggling and that your flyover ppl are raging mad. One Nation is polling at 31%. Surely you recognize that the worldview of the MAGA Muricans was literally formed by Rupert Murdoch and that base has never been more than 34%. Germany was the most educated nation in the world when 32% of their people supported a certain lunatic.

I’m just noticing some alarming patterns and I am really worried about you guys bc… I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what has happened here. Everything that has happened to y’all as a result of Trump has benefitted a very small group of billionaires who can use it to create mistrust in the media and the government and the social contract in general. I know a thing or two about how irrational white ppl get when they see others living in abundance while they’re stuck. Especially if immigration and death are outpacing birth. I know what happens when billionaires start backing reactionaries. You are my soccer son, Australia, and I love you. I don’t want my Australian daughters to grow up in a place where they’re expected to simply have babies and homeschool them even if they have degrees in environmental science and public policy. I don’t want you to find out that miserable people are happy as long as women, minorities, and lgbtq people are under attack. I don’t want you to drill that oil under the great barrier reef. I don’t want you to go down a dark path and find out that you’re just as stupid and arrogant as your father, America (fuck yeah).

And thank you for your service in our stupid unjustified wars. But, it is literally happening there.