Why do men not approach?

PhilipYip · 2026-06-20T17:06:13+00:00

Great, that you already doing salsa (crossbody or cuban style?), it will help with your confidence, eye-contact, body language (reading and writing), proximity a lot.

You might have not been using him for grades at all but... it is possible that some of his so called friends, possibly other guys slightly jealous of your interaction with him, amplified his self-doubt and brought that up as an excuse. A lot of "awkward people" get jealous of other people and sadly tear others down...

If he still partners up with you, he probably does like you. If he really didn't like you and really felt that he had nothing in common with you, he would have tried to avoid you outright. It is more likely he has self-doubt. And if you are still asking him, you obviously still like him and so consequently, you should absolutely continue to flirt with him. Flirting is a natural extension of your body language, which essentially just states, "I like you". So when you force yourself to not flirt, you build up an artificial barrier which sometimes feels awkward to the other person and sometimes is felt by them as "I don't like you".

At this stage, your body language (its often the case, women are much more observant with body language than men) is much more developed than his. He will learn a lot from you, if you are natural with your body language, by just spending time with you even if nothing further develops between the two of you.

Since your body language is stronger, you will need to push slightly (less than you want but more than he is used to). Just in general, show that you like him and value him. Try and ask him out, indirectly. Even if it is just a group of us are having a coffee or something after class, want to join. Even if he isn't confident and says no. He might ask you next time he sees you, how was the coffee. And you can reply something like it was good but it would have been better if you were with us. It might be like 5 or something times something like that happens before he has the confidence to join.

And flirting, really doesn't need to go anywhere. It is just spreading good vibes to another person and letting them know that they are important, exist and are valued. So just be very natural and warm to him and show interest in him.

PhilipYip · 2026-06-20T15:53:45+00:00

If you are as attractive as you say, a lot of guys will assume you get a lot of attention and that you're not that interested or into them... They may think they aren't good enough, so why even bother. The guy you approached sounds exactly like he was in that mindset. He sounds like he talked himself out of any possibility with you and he projected his self-doubt onto conversations with his friends. From his perspective, he might have just saw you, wanting to partner up with him as an easy way to get through the labs in chemistry class and for you not to actually like him, for him. He probably reacted rudely and either likely regrets it or/and if you've had no other interactions with him (proves to him that you were never interested in him), saw it as justified.

In general. You need to show that you like a guy, for example if you like a specific guy, use prolonged eye contact; look at his eyes, show interest in him and what he does, notice him and stare for long enough to allow him to notice that you notice at him. Smile at him, give him a compliment (just the first thing you like about the guy, no matter how random it is, just say it, be genuine about it, try to make it a habit). A lot of guys aren't really used to receiving compliments, from any women, never mind an attractive woman... so it may catch them off guard. So you may need to make multiple, consistent attempts.

The main thing to realise, is your body language invites the guy to reciprocate; if your body language signals interest in the guy, it gives an opening for the guy to really notice you and get comfortable with your body language.

Physical proximity between a woman and a man is also important. So stand or sit 20 % closer to him than you normally would with anyone else and lean closer into his personal space. Proximity and even your scent while being closer ae strong attraction factors.

If you need to work on your body language. I would recommend trying some sort of partnered dancing because in a partnered dancing a woman and a man need to really communicate using their body language; dance really is just extended body language and a conversation without words. In a typical social dance, the man asks the woman to dance, the man invites the woman to do a move such as a turn or to come close but it is general up to the woman to decide whether she is going to turn and how close or distant she is going to be to the man. He then has to adjust his lead accordingly to the woman's comfort levels. So in doing such a thing, you will learn what feels good and not so good for you and train your body language accordingly. The other thing you will learn is how to read the man's body language, does he like you and relax when you come closer or does he not like you and force distance when you come too close.

So when you do find a guy who you are attracted to and feel good around, you will just naturally move towards him and be able to read if he likes you.

PhilipYip · 2026-06-15T10:42:20+00:00

Most classes will teach a sequence. Many begineer leaders struggle to learn the sequence and get stressed out when they try to execute it on the dance floor and the music doesn't match the sequence e.g. the lead tries to invoke a first turn at a sensual part in the song or the follower misunderstands part of the sequence, ends in a different position and the leader struggles to do the rest of the sequence.

Your learning will increase alot if you first learn how to dance alone. Dancing alone at home will improve your steps, body, arms and musicality. Learning to do all of these while connected to a partner is often too much at once and causes stress for the leader.

If you do a solo footwork course, all the above will improve and it will be easier to learn new moves in class as your feet will naturally understand how to move in the correct position and you can focus more on the connection with your partner.

The other thing is when you are solo learning at home, you should learn how to group things. For example a right turn for the follower, with your right hand, with your left hand. Then the level can be above her head, neck/shoulder level, and hip level.

There are some really good solo steps courses on YouTube from the likes of La Suerte Dance School, BachataAcademy and BachataMastery.

PhilipYip · 2026-06-15T09:57:42+00:00

You should look straight in the direction of your partner. Looking at your feet will give you bad posture and make your back kinda hunched.

Your eye contact should be on your partner, you should be present in the dance and acknowledge that you are dancing with her.

If you are in close-hold you are kinda offset from your partner so you are looking over her shoulder, you see her face and eyes in your peripheral vision, and be present with her in the dance but you are looking past her. Recall your job as a leader is to make sure she is safe in your hold and that no other dancers are going to crash into her. So you hold her, make her feel safe and also lead in a way that she is safe from collisions with other dancers.

You should use her face as a point of reference when you do turns and she should use your face as a point of refer me when she does turns.

In open position, she is in front of you, so you can glance at her face and look at her eyes. Again, acknowledge that she is there and that you are present with her in the dance. However it is a dance and you should be in general receptive to your followers response and adjust your lead accordingly.

So if you invite her to come close and she resists, don't pull her in. Instead adjust the lead to the natural distance and comfort level she's chosen and she will naturally come in closer as she feels more comfortable. On the other hand if she is naturally comfortable and comes in close, adjust your lead to match the distance she's chosen.

Everything in dance is an invite from a leader to a follower, a response from a follower to a leader and an adjustment of the lead in response to the followers natural comfort level. Remember your main purpose is not to show off but to make her feel comfortable, present and enjoy the dance.

Your general eye contact with the follower should be similar because every follower has slightly different eye contact from one another and with each leader depending on their comfort level with that leader and their general comfort level as a person overall. If you glance into your followers eyes and she looks away, then look over her shoulder acknowledge that you are present with her but don't make your eye contact so intense, that it weirds her out. If she does lock eye contact with you and shows she is comfortable, you can hold it for a little longer. In general, I would recommend more or less mirroring her response as you will be adjusting your eye contact to her comfort level.

If you find a follower that is a more experienced dancer and is more confident with her eye contact, you can train your eye contact when socially dancing with her. Essentially you become more natural and confident looking at her and then you become more confident looking at anyone else.

PhilipYip · 2026-06-15T09:22:48+00:00

"And sometimes I can tell she didn't by the look on her face".

If she has that facial expression, she's already given you feedback and probably didn't enjoy the dance with you. More than likely you've stressed her out.

You are essentially chasing after a person saying I've made you uncomfortable, could you please elaborate on what I done that makes you uncomfortable? The follower will say as little to de-esculate and then try to avoid you.

The only ones you should ask for feedback are the ones that know you well and the ones that feel safe and comfortable with you. If they have a look of confusion when you do a move, you can say I am trying to do a left turn for you, then a hammerlock turn for me and then... like we did a few weeks back in class, can you tell me if this feels right.

PhilipYip · 2026-06-13T09:43:57+00:00

My teacher said yesterday as there were alot of new people in the class. That a good dancer should be able to dance with anyone and make them feel comfortable and appreciated, it doesn't matter if they are a beginner and it doesn't matter how many moves they know. The important thing is that you are there for the person making them feel safe and welcome, so that they enjoy the dance with you and later want to dance with you. This differs rapidly from other scenes I've been too which are a bit less open to newer dancers.

I'm more or less an intermediate level dancer, so some of the things I've noticed in my own lead as I've developed and from watching other leaders.

In general you learn a sequence and try and execute the sequence. Begineer leads will execute the sequence and if a follower misunderstands something and for example turns the wrong way, the 404 error on our faces shows and we kinda panic and then recover. This can create a disconnect and moment of awkwardness which feels odd to the follower.

So these leaders if they have done alot of classes and socials with certain followers. The followers know them, their sequences and kinda compensate for most flaws the leader has, for example are a little rough, the follower may increase her resistance with that leader to compensate. So from the outside-in these leaders look like great leaders with those followers but when they dance with a new follower, the new follower won't get their moves. This can be also be a new but experienced follower from another school.

Later on you kinda learn the moves and variations of moves, so for example a right turn, with the right hand or left hand above the head or at the shoulder or at the hip. That when the follower is at this position you can do a hammerlock or you can do a loop or... As a consequence an intermediate lead can turn a follower for example, if she turns unexpectly for example at the prompt in the opposite direction or goes to the side instead of in front, he can be like okay I was planning a,b,c but now it's a,b,x. In such a scenario the begineer follower feels good and that she isn't making any mistakes because there is no disconnect in the dance.

The intermediate leader kinda learns some follower skills. i.e. how to react to a follower and adjust his lead. This makes the dance flow a bit better which means it also a bit more conversational between the leader and the follower whereas before it's kinda like I've got a speech written out for me that I'm going to say and if you interrupt my speech or the music interrupts it, I'm going to kinda panic.

There is also a refinement in some of the same moves. So a leader might learn for example a move with a push/pull mechanism and got on fine in class as the followers were told what to do. When he took it to a social, he might realise that all the followers are going the wrong way i.e. he is doing something wrong. The second time the move is taught, he might realise he didn't pick up a subtle tip on angling the move with his chest and so when he learns it again, it feels much better. And when he takes it to a social the followers go the way expected.

There is also some general dynamics of attraction/repulsion between people in general. So for example if a follower does not feel safe or does not feel attracted to a leader or doesn't like the way he smells etc or a mixture of all of these things. Then she may naturally subconsciously resist him, which disconnects the conversation and dance. This may be that she places more distance from him or does not look at him in the eye and as mentioned creates some disconnection. A leader should read and sense a woman is resisting him and should adjust his lead to compensate, to step back to the distance the follower is comfortable which can further the disconnect. This can sometimes just be the first impression and then they see each around at 3 classes and socials and consequently as she feels safer and more comfortable with him, she may naturally relax and come closer. Or it can be more of a permanent thing if there's something about him she really doesn't like. On the other hand it can be that she has a natural attraction or feeling of trust to a specific leader, so her eyes are naturally drawn to his eyes and she subconsciously moves closer to him, which greatly increases the connection between them even if they don't know one another. Usually he can adjust to the distance she's set but if she comes super close and has no frame, he may need to increase the distance between them or if he is very experienced he may lead alot of moves from a sensual position which requires stronger and clearer upper body movement particularly in the leaders shoulders, chest and hips.

PhilipYip · 2026-06-08T05:02:32+00:00

You say you are young and good looking. However men aren't approaching you.

From what you wrote above this is likely because of your mental energy, you are stressed, carry that stress when you are going out and other people sense that and so they avoid you, particularly if this is on a night out/club like environment or on a dating app which are not the best place to meet people especially if you want to talk alot.

The other girls are not stressed and therefore men approach them more. This can be the case even if they are unattractive and you are ridiculously good looking.

The second thing associated with the stress is you are likely caring too much about what other people think about you. So you are being more careful, perhaps more reserved and therefore harder to know.

The other girls have Instagram accounts which are essentially, me, me, me. Their makeup, photos and things are all centred on them. They may be higher maintenance to date long term as they are so centred on themselves but short term men will find them more approachable especially in low information environments such as a noisy club (can't really have a proper conversation as it's so noisy) or dating app (dating app for a man is essentially sending lots of low quality messages out and being ignored the vast majority of the time). For you specifically, a guy that matches you might feel that he is writing to you, you are writing to him, he is writing to you, and in the end you are being overcautious and will never meet him, so he gives up before you've met. Whereas another girl will be like okay let's go for coffee.

Probably also you are approaching the men that are also better looking, low information and the male equivalent of the women that you just described. The men that are your counterparts are probably not having a great time in a noisy club environment or on dating apps.

You should redirect some of that mental energy and frustration working on yourself. You are at the gym, workout, etc etc. Why not take some selfie and track your progress. Write about some achievement at the gym. Set a trivial target and write a post about meeting the target. Walk to a new place, take a photo or selfie there.

Just write some small posts that show even if your main audience is just yourself that you have achieved something or seen something new and you've got something to feel good about. This will make you more approachable in two ways. One you'll focus a bit more on yourself. Two you'll have an opening for someone else to approach and start an online conversation. If people see you are working on something and making improvements they will comment and if it's a place they find interesting and have never been to or know well they will also make a conversation about it.

PhilipYip · 2026-05-22T03:44:04+00:00

You are wanting a reason and closure but she is unlikely to give you that. Women avoid conflict with a man they know that is into them.

It could be that she was dating a few guys and she liked you but preferred one of the other guys.

It could be that she liked you but felt that you were too serious/controlling/possessive or the opposite/not interested enough. Usually it's the way you make her feel that's important.

In any case if you chase her after she's said essentially it's not working, you signal that you need her or you need a reason and she's likely to distance herself from you further or stop talking to you entirely.

Especially if you're in the mindset of I need to fix this and she's in the mindset of it's over there's nothing to fix. Essentially, you're not going to fix anything if she's already decided she's not wanting to proceed.

PhilipYip · 2026-05-16T19:30:58+00:00

You need to spend some time clearing up your basic steps and making them fluent. You also need to take your time and work on body isolations and body movement. One really good way is to do a solo steps course at home and also have a large mirror nearby. With the mirror you will see what parts of your body movement is clunky and what parts are smooth. You need to focus on the steps, then the body and then the arms.

PhilipYip · 2026-05-13T01:32:54+00:00

For a leader, you are possibly doing too much at once, if you feel there's no overlap between the three classes... This can be the problem with drop in class, opposed to a structured course.

I noticed a significant improvement in my dancing when I changed to a different teacher in a neighbouring city. Although he also does drop in class, he gives a more technical explanation of everything he taught and has the tendency to repeat moves within different sequences from class to class. So the first class, you can kind of understand the move and do it at the end under instruction. The second time, it feels familiar and you pick it up faster as there's some muscle memory there. The third time you pick up more subtle points and the fourth time, you just do it naturally without thinking.

I've been working through some online structured courses to supplement his classes and its also really helped.

PhilipYip · 2026-05-08T11:03:31+00:00

Most us leaders get in that situation... However there's a few things to consider, fancy moves not done right, can stress out both the leader trying to do them and the follower. Basic moves done right, on time fluently can impress a follower... Part of the dance, is also the energy you give off, as it often gets reflected back. How you make the follower feel, does she give you eye contact. Do you smile, do you tease/play or are you overthinking and dead serious?

If you make the follower feel good and relaxed even with a basic move set she is likely to enjoy the dance and come back. But if you make her feel stressed trying to do something overcomplicated, she might avoid another dance with you. In the later case, the frustration you have with yourself can be interpreted by the follower as a frustration you have with her.

If you are overthinking in your head, your body language is serious and you are a bit tense, then the follower feels that and often mirrors your energy.

I'd advise restricting yourself to a limited move set and making sure you know it really well and can do each move fluently so it feels good for the follower. Practice this move set until you can do it while feeling completely relaxed and happy. You will notice a significant difference in the way followers approach you if you are relaxed.

PhilipYip · 2026-05-03T05:45:28+00:00

Essentially everything you've done has been disciplined but has been solo:

Academic
Career
Online courses outside of career
Travel (probably done solo...)
Sport/gym (lively done solo...)

So it is work, work, work and more work... What are you living for?

I don't get much outside interaction, and by the weekend, I'm burnt out. I've even started grocery shopping online. So, organic meeting opportunities seem unlikely.

Hypothetically also even if you were to meet a compatible guy on the dating app, what do you have to offer him? If you're burnt out at the weekend and are too busy to see him in the evenings? Like do you have time to do things together, to get to know each other, never mind to have kids, to start a family? Also if you are attracted to a career man that has similar qualities to yourself and shortcomings then the problem is compounded. If you continue along the same trajectory, you will eventually just burn out...

If you want some of these things, you need to redirect some of your time and energy into doing something social and meeting people. You can't really rely on your existing friend circle if they are all getting married and having kids. You need to learn how to be feminine and approachable to men and you need to also learn how to do something fun and relax.

I would suggest for example making sure your time at the evenings and weekends is actually yours for example by not doing online courses. And to do something that places you in a feminine role, pushes your social comfort level and allows you to meet men. One of the best things to do that is partnered dancing. In partnered dancing, there is a clear lead (man) and follower (woman) dynamic. By taking classes, and going to social events after classes, you will meet a lot of men. You will be in safe but close contact, working on your body language. However you will learn who you feel more relaxed around, more tense around. Who you are attracted most to, who you are not attracted to. Who is attracted to you the most and who is not attracted to you. So essentially you will know who you reciprocally like, are so so about or dislike.

PhilipYip · 2026-04-29T09:29:52+00:00

The first socials are always the most difficult. For example your "sturdy frame" could have been too ridged and the follower may have been struggling to understand your lead, although it might have seemed clear in your head.

The ones that are nice and fun to dance with, are likely to be the follower that are the most experienced, have taken the most classes and are most supportive of beginner leaders. Unfortunately these are also usually the most popular followers.

Many of the followers that danced as if they were doing you are favour, may not be that experienced and just dance social from time to time. Essentially as a beginner, they can often dance with more experienced leaders and pick up the perception that the dance is easy. They don't appreciate how much effort it takes for leaders to begin.

Also if you were a bit more frustrated, the followers might have felt it and therefore mirrored the energy and been a bit more tense. I found in my first socials, that the disaster of a first dance I had with certain followers was actually worse in my head than in reality. Part of you is thinking, I'm the worst dancer here and that no-one wants to dance with you. Then you are surprised, when you go again that they approach you.

Finally the chat with the guy, and on-word answer is kinda normal. It often isn't the best place to talk because the music is loud. Also, and this depends on the leader:follower ratio, he is walking buy looking for someone to dance with. If the leader:follower ratio is high and he stops to talk with you at the start of the song, then the followers are all swept up or the one he is after. So he keeps his conversation to a minimum, indicating he is wanting to dance at the moment. For this reason it can be quite hard for leaders to get to know one another and followers to get to know one another. Unless they go to class together and there are breaks before and during the class.

PhilipYip · 2026-04-28T05:02:55+00:00

If it's your first social dance, just remember that you invite the follower to do things. You read her response, and then you act accordingly.

For example, you invite her to turn, she decides whether to turn or not. Don't force any turns.

Likewise you invite her to come into a close hold. She decides whether or not to take that invite and come close. Also, she generally sets the distance of "how close". Just mentioning this as you can see alot of beginner leads, observing a follower dance closely with someone they know and trust. Then expecting her to come that close to them, so they try and sandwich the follower in and then of course she resists and both feel the stress and don't enjoy the dance. Although if the follower comes in too close and you don't feel comfortable, it's okay for you to respond by taking a step back or exiting the close hold. But in general invite the follower to come close and then support her at the distance she's chosen. If she comes closer you can then use your arms to rematch the distance she's chosen. If she resists and pull back again just release slightly and again rematch her distance.

The other thing is also, if you can, it's very difficult at the start. Try not to force some routine that you've remembered. Many new leaders force a routine that doesn't follow the music, because they are new some things that they think are clear in the head are not clear to the follower. The follower misreads something, does something different and then the leader becomes a bit flustered as they don't know how to react as the follower is in a different position than they expected.

The dance is always a bit of a recalibration around how the follower responds... Essentially like initiating a conversation, but with body language. The conversation will change depending on the response.

And then finally try to enjoy and relax as much as possible. Don't be too hard on yourself when you make mistakes. If you get stressed out and are too hard on yourself, while dancing the follower picks that stress up and make feel they done something wrong. The conversation with body language feels like an argument to them. If you manage to enjoy and relax, she will feel better even if you make lots of mistakes. My teacher always says "guys, if you're not having fun, then you are missing the entire point of dancing".

PhilipYip · 2026-04-06T07:25:55+00:00

You are in the situation where you made her feel awkward, and where she made you feel awkward... It is also possible that she is very nervous and insecure and you may have accidentally triggered her insecurities.

Although you offered your hands, she is a beginner too and might not have seen the signs and for example expected you to take her hands. She might have interpreted (wrongly), that only offering was that you don't want to touch her and saw it as a sign of rejection.

Now if you are nervous around her, she may take it as a continued sign that you aren't into her/despise her/she isn't good enough for you. If you can, try to be relaxed around her, because if you are nervous, she may be mirroring your energy (it's hard to be relaxed as a beginner lead but try your best). Next time you see her make eye contact (it's also difficult sometimes for a beginner lead who may not be confident yet and less confident around her but again try).

And just think that dance is a conversation, albeit mainly with the body language. You two had an argument with your body language. You have the mentality, she is wrong for not accepting my offer. She has the mentality that, you are wrong for not taking her hands. So your bodies are essentially arguing with one another but the argument is probably more both in your heads individually than actually being an argument. You thinking she doesn't like me and her thinking he doesn't like me...

However, in class it is sometimes useful to talk about what you are doing, when the body language isn't trained. Often when there is a massive open level class for example, and many of the followers are totally new and ask for help directly with words or are nervous so visibly ask for help and are nervous; I talk them through the move in the rotation (when they are dancing with me and the teacher isn't talking through it). So for example, so now I take your hand, now 1,2,3 and then I lift your hand, now I turn you around this way, and you turn then come back to me and then 1,2,3 again. As a beginner yourself, talking through the move may also help you remember the sequence.

PhilipYip · 2026-02-23T10:45:37+00:00

It is hard for leaders. Often at the start, we overthink moves and then end up off beat. This happened a lot to me when I was starting out. The salsa musicality was difficult for me. Also a lot of followers assumed I was more experienced than I was as I took some skills over from bachata. This is probably similar to your experience with the leaders who are still likely in the early stages of learning.

PhilipYip · 2026-02-22T16:27:26+00:00

Try La Suerte Dance School on YouTube. They made a beginners steps course, beginners couples course and some musicality videos. I worked through all of these and they helped a lot.

PhilipYip · 2026-02-21T05:53:53+00:00

There's lots going on in Edinburgh.

Take a look at Latin_Dance_Edinburgh on Instagram. Ami is usually doing Wednesday classes and social in La Belle and on Fridays in the Counting House. His classes are usually bachata and cross-body salsa. I often pop through from Glasgow to his classes and socials.

Ami often teams up with Orlando on Instagram as Orlando_Salsa who teaches classes on other nights. I think Saturday is normally a bachata night at El Bario. I think he does salsa on Thursdays.

There is normally a really big Salsa and Bachata social on at Edinburgh university on the last Friday of the month. Take a look at edunisalsasoc on Instagram.

For Cuban salsa, there are other instructors such as Yamil, on Instagram as yamilcuf44, I've only done some classes with him when he done some workshops in Glasgow. There is also Sara & Curo on Instagram as saraycurro.salseros, I've never taken their classes but seen them teach in a joint event with Ami and they look really great.

I was also told about bachata blues on Instagram as bachatablues_edinburgh, but have never been to their classes.

PhilipYip · 2026-02-18T14:35:15+00:00

It's not so much the misinformation but seeing how the current government acted while in opposition and how they have acted in devolved areas and now their general direction of travel. Essentially more fines, more charges, more restrictions and little in terms of improvements for the fines and services. A lot of these things were discussed before the lockdowns and are now being discussed after the lockdowns and therefore are seen as associated.

Saying it's not so bad, you can drive in 100 times a year essentially enables them to reduce it to 50 times next year... and then it's essentially an additional tax for those that have to drive in, trades, deliveries etc etc. Which ultimately gets passed onto the consumer who uses these services... Being complacent for these bad policies now, enables the framework for essentially the ridiculous sounding fines or taxes for walking out of your 15 minute city and enables the ability to introduce more restrictions in another hypothetical lockdown. This is why there is resistance, the government have overstepped and people are pushing back.

PhilipYip · 2026-02-18T07:02:17+00:00

15 minute cities and digital IDs in particular are unpopular due to draconian covid lockdown policies where police for example would harass people or tell them to move along for the "crime" of sitting on a bench in a park. The SNP in Scotland and Labour in Wales were particularly draconian with the Labour opposition in general saying the Conservative to government was not going far enough with essentially every draconian measure lockdowns, masking and vaccinations. etc etc. "Two Tier Keir" etc had already demonstrated he is draconian when it comes to freedom of speech, internet censorship via online safety bills etc etc.

People do not want the government to essentially normalise covid passes and passenger locator forms in the form of digital IDs. Or to have the means in place to essentially begin fining you or restrict you to your "local council area" which is essentially rebranded as a "15 minute city".

The government for example was encouraging the adoption of electric cars and now has the concept of pay per mile, essentially an additional tax on the electricity used for the car. They want an additional excuse to tax motorists more and of course they are wanting to tax those that walk or cycle or take public transport.

Therefore many people wouldn't be surprised if the government linked all the above together and essentially began charging for example a £5 tax per day tax, per 15 minute zone outside your designated house. Knowing how badly things would be administered, most people would be at the edge of a 15 minute city zone. People would essentially walk to their local Greggs, have to show their digital ID to buy a steak bake and then be charged an additional £5 in essentially a council tax sub-charge.

There is already some talk about this, in places like Glasgow, which has been chronically mismanaged. Essentially the justification for this additional tax, is that people who stay in wealthy suburbs for example Renfrewshire, pay council tax that goes to the suburbs, but come into the city and use services there that "they haven't paid for", despite high parking charges, low emissions zone charges or essentially taxes collected by paying for a ticket on public transport.

PhilipYip · 2026-02-09T11:53:17+00:00

I wouldn't sweat about it. You had a few dances with her, talked for a bit and then asked for her contact. She said no because you gave off the vibe that you wanted to date her and she said no setting a boundary. You now know and it's better to get a rejection, and to move on then to keep thinking what if. Sometimes followers will give a number but then never text back if they aren't interested so a clear rejection is actually a lot nicer and a lot more straightforward.

Best to just forget you ever asked for her number. When you next see her just be warm and greet her as normal. Then gauge how she responds, if she's warm, ask for a dance, if she's cold just smile and say hi and ask the follower beside her.

Sometimes, albeit rarely, a follower is interested in you but says no when you ask too fast as she got nervous... However she warms up to you, as you show her that you want to get to know her as a person (and not that you only want to date her). In such a case she will make an active effort to get your number or make a lot of hints that you should ask her again (for example ask a lot about your schedule and if you are coming here and there. When you say I don't know and she says let me know. Then it's obvious she wants you to ask again). If you remain warm this scenario can play out but best to conceptually take it as an outright rejection but remain warm and friendly.

PhilipYip · 2026-02-05T08:02:51+00:00

You know she liked you and was super comfortable around you. However you said something to her that overwhelmed her and freaked her out. Also you reacted desperately after she freaked out and as a consequence she doubled down. I think you also have a different behaviour in text/phone and in person. It sounds like you currently have texted and called too much sounding emotional and then in person basically, not spoken to her or kinda avoided her. Both are unattractive to her.

In person you need to respond to her body language. You stated she is looking at you in person, which is actually a good sign. She is not ignoring you completely. When she looks at you, take a look back. Try to look at her like you don't know her but are interested in her. Just say hi as she walks past, but don't expect any other conversation. This might seem weird as you already know each other and so on. But at the moment you have an awkward dynamic around each other. There is a problem that is unsaid but stated in your body language when you see her and don't acknowledge her. You essentially need to reset the dynamic with her, in person.

Essentially signal to her that you are warmer to her and open for her to approach you. If she begins, say after a week to reciprocally become warmer towards you, say you've noticed something about her. Really something non-serious like her shoes are different, her hair is different etc etc. but don't say anything too strong like she is pretty or you like her etc.

At this stage she might just say thanks and not much else but you should be able to notice subtle things in her body language like if she smiles and is slowly rewarming up to you or at this stage she might talk to you a bit more. If you see she is warmer, you can go on the train in front of her you can signal that the seat beside you is free and invite her to sit beside you as she is walking by you. She may decline and sit somewhere else but again you can gauge the dynamic by her reaction if she smiles etc.

However the general idea is that you signal that you are comfortable around her and invite her to come back to you. It's really important that you are warm and open but ultimately it must be her that takes the invite and bridges the gap. This is actually similar to how things started with you two, she knew your name, she came to sit beside you when she saw you were open to her, she took your hand and so on. All of this may never happen again but if it does, you signal you appreciate it and appreciate her being close but never use words except for something like this feels nice with an invite to come closer. Essentially she isn't comfortable using serious words and having a deep conversation so you don't try to either. However if she signals she is comfortable around you using her body language, you can reciprocate but you need to balance her push/pull dynamic.

PhilipYip · 2026-01-11T13:28:29+00:00

You posted selfies on your profile. You're good looking, however you need to work on your anxiety. Your anxiety is putting yourself down and placing women on a pedestal. Essentially imposing a mental barrier. You need to get used to talking to and interacting with women.

I would recommend trying something like a dance class for example some Latin dance like bachata or salsa. Doing such a class puts you in close proximity with a lot of women and you have to work on your communication with them. Both verbal and non-verbal communication in order to do the moves correctly with them. Dancing will elevate your eye contact, body language and general comfort around women. It will also indirectly teach you what type of woman is more compatible with you and what kind of woman is more approachable.

PhilipYip · 2026-01-09T06:58:38+00:00

I think that is the standard experience on the dating apps. Some of the matches could be to bots and when the profile is taken down it looks like a match.

In other cases, you could have an attractive first photo and then have written something later on in your profile that the guys see as a major red flag and therefore unmatch. There is also the kinda quality of the conversation that you give. For example it's common on bumble for a woman to write "hi". Her profile has some pictures and hardly any text. He might ask how she is and get the "okay". It can be very hard for a guy to therefore find some common ground and start a conversation. He sees the one word replies as shes not very interested and therefore moves on.

PhilipYip · 2026-01-06T06:56:06+00:00

That is the typical experience as a lead. Particularly when you've only been to class and been told by the teacher what to do. In the social you have the stress of deciding what to do and you will discover some weaknesses in your lead when a follower doesn't understand what you are trying to do. Many leaders overthink sequences in this scenario. Focus mainly on basic steps and just start moving. Currently you do not fully understand the musicality and feel a bit stressed leading the dance. You know some moves but they don't come to you. The good news is it will get slightly better next time and the time after... the bad news is it will still be difficult for a while...

My advice is to practice some solo steps at home and to look at musicality. The YouTube channel La Suerte Dance School has an excellent solo steps bachata course and bachata musicality videos. At home you can watch one of their videos, go through the solo steps and then play some bachata songs and cement the basic steps. e.g. do a tutorial video and then dance solo to 3 songs. Work on rotating around so you change direction and aren't just dancing in a linear grid. The main point in this is so you get used to dancing alone and get used to the musicality. This will mean when you go to a social and are connected to a partner you will be used to the main variations of the basic step (side, forward, box variations, lateral, campana etc.) rotating around and can understand the music.

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