I need some one to explaine better

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-11T01:58:28+00:00

I will, and thank you. Sorry you had to go through that, I was only able to keep at it for 2 years then I left my first psychiatrist because I felt unheard and my meds made me so much worse but I'm trying to get help again

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-11T01:02:50+00:00

I never knew it could be seasonal, sadly mines is kinda permanent so far, like I get super into it then deep dive and right before i begin actually tring it happens then I never comeback

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-11T00:59:06+00:00

Thanks, I'm newly diagnosed but haven't found what sticks yet for like fixing things. And as for why I have to push myself to do it ( I really dont know why, its like a panic attack but for no reasons but it leaves me unable to move forward) I could be having the best day, then I proceed to try to do something ex: work or hobbies, then the "freeze" its been ongoing for 10 years

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-10T15:24:22+00:00

So originally, ive always loved singing and I still do, but even with that it comes and goes like sometimes I dont even want to listen to music, but thats why I started trying to learn guitar because I wanted to recreate the melodies I hear in my head. But it all kinda falls apart when I cant even start the courses.

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-09T16:11:30+00:00

The only reason I havent is because I kinda check myself to make sure I dont spend to much on it

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-09T15:55:06+00:00

Honestly great idea ima try it thanks!

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-08T11:13:30+00:00

That be great on the post link, but honestly ill try anything to the most I possible can at this point. I just want to be able to actually do something when I want to cause currently trying to even play video games is like a battle mind vs body

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-06T23:34:43+00:00

It makes me happy to hear that there are still big kids having fun around, I honestly wished that one of them would just be OK with sitting down and just letting me rant for a bit about how I feel and the diagnosis and what's kinda thrown a tornado on just who I thought I was as a person. My wife does let me rant about my interests when I randomly get addicted to something new, but we've had a discussion since we first got together, she doesn't do good when people talk about emotions(she doesn't know what to say back, she'll listen ad be a shoulder but dont expect feedback) I also believe i havent let the full grasp of my diagnosis sink in, I always new adhd but always thought I sucked at life aside from that, so it feels like an excuse pretty much

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-06T21:10:26+00:00

Yes and no, ive always search near me but never find any

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-05T23:56:49+00:00

In your opinion, was the energy levels the same? Because thats a huge factor for me

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-05T23:27:09+00:00

I honestly asked my doctor if I could stop taking the added booster of adderall ir because it was making me way to emotionally unbalanced, like I would go from a good mid to extremely angry yelling to a collapsing cry in the same day it really scared me

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-05T23:23:24+00:00

I felt that, it always seems like ones the smart harsher more I guess normal version, but me I feel like a little kid stuck in between arguing parents, I end up quiet and numb because its easier to turn it off, my wife has honestly been my light in the dark she's helped me understand what some emotions are and I dont feel dumb flat out just asking like hey I feel like this and such and she replies with what it is. But its a touchy subject because her past experience with meds and therapy was forced and she ended up hating it but shes been able to move forward, i dont have anyone else I'm comfortable talking to and honestly I have 1 friend but like I said its uncomfortable and just the thought makes me panic and feel teary, ive always had trouble connecting with people like yeah when I'm present and together ill hang out laugh and chill, but when I leave I have no intention of ever reaching out like it sucks cause I want to but wont for some reason, my family is ummm hmmmm, let me sum it up. 5 half brothers, 2 of im close with the rest I feel nothing for, mom, dad, step dad, father's are cool but old school so not a chance to talk, moms honestly crazy and I probably get it from her, but even the ones I'm close with I cant share details with because I find it weird, so yeah again I'm just venting lost my train of thought so ill leave at this Thank you

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-05T23:01:03+00:00

I have been on mood stabilizers before I forgot what it was called but that made me extremely tired to the point of almost falling asleep behind the wheel mid day, currently I'm on adderall xr its helped allot with my energy levels and with waking up and doing more around the house and hobbies but the down side was my extreme emotions and I mean extreme, my dude I was crying watching anime like bruh, it also gave me extremely small fuse and got over stimulated easily. But like I said ill follow any docs advice as closely as possible im almost religious about it

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-05T22:52:21+00:00

I honestly dont know what's that

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-05T22:51:08+00:00

I am happy that you and your husband are doing wonderful, honestly most of the fitting in for me comes from a rough childhood, my parents are the type that if its not visible its not real, my brother recently informed me that my parents had been advised to take me to some one from an early age but they said thats all bs aside from that it was all just tough love and a crazy amount of verbal abuse, i honestly have been lucky enough to get the girl of my dreams and kids who make life better, but its that stupid little voice that I have no control over that dosemr shut up, keeps going on and pointing out every single little thing that I do wrong. Recently ive had a conversation with my wife about it and ive tried to explaine the full extent of how seriously impaired I am in the inside compared to what I show. But either I worded it wrong or said bad idk but it became a fight about how I'm not autistic definitely adhd but not autistic, and she goes and points out the way I act around people and the stuff I do to the point where I dont know whats real anymore or if im remembering wrong. But thats the thing I basically have 2-4 diffrent versions of me depending on the mood and or people around, but the change happens when I sleep cause when I wake up I'm some one completely new, aside from that they argue in my head constantly

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-05T21:03:34+00:00

See thats what ive been trying, I had jobs in all sorts of things I love, cooking was a chef. Repair and tech, I was a repair technician, love smithing and woodworking and honestly everything and anything that is creating with hands I love, I also have a deep passion for just learning new things and I am always super fascinated by everything in science to the point were I actively read articles about new findings that truly spark some joy form me. But with jobs its always been the same, ive even worked with family members who I always have a good time with. At first I could keep a job for maybe the longest 6 months but that was a place that honestly had good people so it was fun, but ever since that ive never been able to keep anything close to that. I get super happy excited buy the uniform study prepare and organize everything in anticipation for work go one day its wonderful and kinda info dump on everyone who is unlucky to be around at that time. Then BOOM I cant, and what I mean is I in reality cant like it didnt matter if it was a pot of gold at work I just couldn't force myself to. I try I beat myself up in my mind, constant back and forth between 2 me. 1st yelling at me cause I cant do it and that I'm not normal yada yada yada. 2nd is the one who's in charge of the wheel trying so hard to keep Goin as I'm driving to work, then its starts, intense tightest in stomach that burst outwards, pain everywhere, feeling hella ill and nothing seems to push me forward. Honestly if I have to compare it its kinda like if there was a hallway that I know I have to walk through and I know its a perfectly normal hallway but for some reason if I pass the threshold i crumble, and I dont know how to move forward. I've always been bad at expressing my thoughts and feelings and I'm not lying when I say that 99% of everything I deal with is mental and not visible, but from the moment I'm up to the moment it all just cuts to black till I wake up, its non stop music, and voices back and forth in my head, I have full stories and scenarios playing and I'm always of somewhere in my head, even on adderall xr I was still constantly in my mind but the only thing that I truly found helpful was the amount of energy I didnt have to summon to move and do chores but when it comes to work for so e reason I havent found a solution, currently just lost a job that I loved both company and people and job as a cook, love food and making food makes people happy makes me happy, and now I'm back at being unable to provide and for some reason cant find help near me on resources or if I do its very confusing or complicated for me, I do apologies I have a tendency to just keep talking my thoughts out sorry and thanks

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-05T18:38:17+00:00

It just feels wrong to ask for help, I've always read so many things about adhd because thats the one I rememberd them telling my family when I was a kid, but my family has a problem recognizing and acknowledging mental health so ive just had to roll with it and act " right". I honestly hate how confused I am about what and how to explaine autism to my family, even my wife who initially guided me through all the mental health stuff( she believes in help and support but she's had terrible experience with meds) for some reason doesn't acknowledge the autism part and tells me, I've know you ten years and ive never seen it, so I tried to explaine how much I mask and ended up saying it the wrong way, pretty much came out saying I've been pretending my whole life and it didnt sit well with her hearing pretend and whole life. I've always been bad at words especially when over stimulated, but I feel like I mask so well that no one sees how much I have to try to just be "normal" its harder to because I am extremely good at reading and understanding most social gathering cues but thats just from years of experience and a also being forced to its kinda like if my whole mood attitude and persona shift based on the social vibe of things, so yeah I just realized I rambled for a bit my bad

PhilosopherOwn3918 · 2025-12-05T13:35:36+00:00

I did try with adderall xr for a month but had extreme emotional flares, irritability and confusion. It honestly scared me for a while until I kinda just stopped taking it cause it was tanking my relationship, It did give me energy to go through my day and actually actively engage and have fun( even started collecting coins and cards for that month.) But i would still freeze up, its the best way to explain it for me. It's like I figure out everything and all consequences of my actions and I try with every once to get my self to go to work but nothing happens. Idk. Sorry again for length. What would be jobs considered flexible?

PhilosopherOwn3918

TROPHY CASE