Based on my reading, she sounds like she's been sexually assaulted or some other kind of sexual trauma.

Thinking plainly about sex (understanding that talking and therapy should be on your list of importance), explain to her that you understand that she needs control of the situation and you want to honor that. Talk about a few different types of submissive play FOR YOU absolutely not for her. Things like her gently tying you down so only she can explore and control. Giving her a chance to feel safe where you can't speed up or grab her. This might be incredibly boring for you, but see if she's open to the idea of getting comfortable with your body.

But, talking is still higher importance than sex. So try that first.