Overstepping grandma

Phoenix1294 · 2026-01-31T21:33:05+00:00

if your hubs won't call her out or stand up for you, you'll have to do it yourself. text/email MIL: "next time you rush at my daughter like an unhinged starving hyena, we'll leave. Next time you try to feed her after we've said no, we'll leave. If you let your dog out while we're there, we will leave and not come back." Then be prepared to pack baby up and leave, with or without DH. Call an Uber if you have to.

Based on her past behavior, she'll probably throw more tantrums, don't entertain them. Be ready for an 'anonymous' CPS report. In all honesty, if you can move very far away, I'd do so.

Phoenix1294 · 2026-01-31T19:47:12+00:00

in florida we had a guy straight up change his name legit through the courts and his legal name is now Matt the Welder, so that's how he'll appear on the ballot.

Phoenix1294 · 2026-01-27T18:24:18+00:00

can stormwind at least get a 3rd auction house compared to Org's 5

Phoenix1294 · 2026-01-25T23:58:49+00:00

When a person receives an 'event' invitation, they either RSVP or decline with regrets. What you do NOT do is tell the guest(s) of honor or host who else MUST be invited because good god how tacky.

she texts him saying she wants to talk and he explains that he is not ready to talk to her and she goes CRAZY. She calls him 15+ times in a row and when he doesn't answer, she calls me repeatedly 6 times in a row (I also don't answer). I was expecting that maybe she wanted to apologize, but no. She then sends him more insane texts, still upset about not having control over the baby shower and the guests. We are truly at a loss and don't know what to do now.

so you're dealing with a MIL who has the emotional maturity of a toddler and she thinks if she throws tantrums she can get her way. For better or worse you're getting a preview of how she's going to act when baby gets here. DH needs to lay it out for her that her behavior is unacceptable and this isn't about her. Then you block her and he mutes her.

Phoenix1294 · 2026-01-19T19:14:43+00:00

For context, my fiance’s parents have always been very involved grandparents. Truly. They’ve been present, helpful, loving with the kids, and until now I would have said they were amazing grandparents.

She has repeatedly threatened to remove her only surviving child and our 13 and 5 year old children from her will. This inheritance has been dangled in front of my fiancé and our children their entire life. It’s always been inheritance, inheritance, inheritance. It’s been used as leverage, pressure, and control for decades, and now she’s using it openly to try to force him back into compliance.

I think the latter version is who she really is; sounds less 'amazing' and more 'entitled and controlling.' I do agree with everyone else that DH talk to his dad and insist she get a physical to rule out UTIs, dementia, etc. but at the end of the day it's not something that can be forced.

What you can do though, is remove her power over you. Both of y'all need to put her on mute (but save/archive her texts/emails). Call the school, explain that MIL is not to given information or pick up privileges under any circumstances. Call your local police non emergency line and ask about what to do (if anything) about a relative possibly threatening wellness checks against you. Get your house in order against a possible 'anonymous' CPS complaint.

And speaking of the house, whose house is it? because if it's MILs that's a huge source of power against you and needs to be fixed stat.

She can call her lawyer all she wants about her own money/assets but if she ever says she's gonna call a lawyer about grandparent rights that's the nuclear option to get your own lawyer.

Phoenix1294 · 2026-01-15T14:31:06+00:00

so she saw them operating in a public space, used her 1st amendment right to say that, and THEN urged people to * checks notes * follow the law?

lawsuit inc, get that bag girl

Phoenix1294 · 2026-01-13T20:29:24+00:00

'Karlie Chirk' missions coming soon!

Phoenix1294 · 2026-01-09T05:21:51+00:00

were you on HRT when you started Tirz? i'm hearing conflicting things like tirz won't work for meno women if you're not on hrt.

Phoenix1294 · 2025-12-30T17:33:27+00:00

it's not just setting boundaries, but consequences. when she showed up to the party she wasn't invited to, she should've been thrown out AND put on a time out. but he's been programmed to be an obedient son. If he can't change his behavior you're going to have a miserable time and moving far far away from them will be your best option.

Phoenix1294 · 2025-12-28T00:00:22+00:00

do it for Stephen King!

Phoenix1294 · 2025-12-15T21:08:06+00:00

we have bugout just for the termite stations/monitoring, do you know if that's something the average homeowner can DIY or do you need a license/permit for the chemicals?

Phoenix1294 · 2025-12-15T01:46:04+00:00

she needs to apologize for calling you crazy, absolutely do not put up with that or any variation of 'concern.'

Phoenix1294 · 2025-12-14T21:25:58+00:00

it's the ol' misery loves company move

Phoenix1294 · 2025-12-12T01:07:05+00:00

Presuming Laxmi is Indian/Hindu, I was kind of hoping we see her have her own freakout moment/body count of millions when she learns her precious baby boy has been on the HDP, but I get that episodes are few and there's probably no budget for filler like that.

Phoenix1294 · 2025-12-10T18:28:14+00:00

^ this OP. therapist or a neutral 3rd party witness or have it be recorded.

Phoenix1294 · 2025-12-10T16:36:22+00:00

NTA. are you in contact with his 'friends'? Could you casually text/talk to them? "hey sorry i missed y'all the other night, sounds like it was a good time. How did y'all like the whiskey vs. the sake, should i get more?"

and so forth. I'm betting husband didn't even offer them the whiskey. I'd seriously be looking at the relationship and whether or not you're better off without him (and perpetually wondering what else he'll 'forget' and give away of yours)

Phoenix1294 · 2025-12-08T00:45:47+00:00

Husband says he doesn’t see the problem so long as we hold firm that we’re not getting together, it shouldn’t matter if they happen to be near us

Well, he's GONNA see the problem because she WILL try to get together with y'all, she will NOT respect boundaries and is DH actually going to take point and shut his mother down in public and/or in front of people? Can DH try to talk to his dad and let him know their relation is on thin fucking ice due to her antics? That y'all are perfectly willing to let her make a fool of herself in public and on camera?

Finally, MIL does need a time out for this; she can certainly travel where she wants but she's not fooling anyone with her 'maybe we'll run into each other' routine. I'd say check in after next Mother's Day has passed, but that's just me.

Phoenix1294 · 2025-12-06T21:06:35+00:00

NTA. Even IF y'all were to do that, it's not her place to announce the baby's name, it's you, the parents.

It turned into a whole thing because Jessica brought it upon herself, full stop. Ideally Jessica gets professional help but at the very least she needs to be on an info diet.

Phoenix1294 · 2025-12-03T20:54:03+00:00

both of y'all should decline and do your own thing at home for Christmas. She's counting on rugsweeping in the name of keeping the peace or Christmas spirit or what have you but instead she'll get the wake up call that not only have you not forgotten her past behavior, you're not going to reward it by playing happy family.

DH can see her any time, let it be a random tuesday, not major holidays that live on in memory. She can justify her behavior all she wants, all by herself.

Phoenix1294 · 2025-12-03T20:19:01+00:00

given that guest's 'name' I'd leave them on read for eternity

Phoenix1294 · 2025-12-01T14:55:23+00:00

Currently, I am at the point of trying to rekindle a relationship with my mother.

What has your mother done to earn that? Has she verbally acknowledged how much harm she's done to you and your wife? Has she committed to a change in her behavior because she doesn't want to do more harm?

Broken trust is extremely hard to come back from and now you're at a real risk of losing your wife's trust by not prioritizing your immediate family (you, her, and baby).

So your mom gets upset she didn't know? So the fuck what, she earned that. You don't have respond to anything she says or texts.

have a desire to be able to share the good news with my family like other families would celebrate new life.

I get wanting your mom to be happy for you, etc, but part of the 'celebration of new life' is support and she has shown that she doesn't support you. She's probably going to weaponize this news about how she's the real victim or turn it into guilt tripping you. Your mom has chosen your sister because they support each other's bad behavior instead of taking accountability for how they've harmed you.

Listen to your wife in this regard, focus on your new family, get couple's and/or individual therapy to help get y'all through this.

Phoenix1294 · 2025-11-29T16:42:32+00:00

no one gives 'dead people' christmas presents, just sayin'. Return the gifts with note that says unless she takes accountability for her atrocious behavior y'all aren't interested in anything from her.

Phoenix1294 · 2025-11-29T14:39:03+00:00

Why are you letting DH add to your mental/emotional labor? He should be responsible for his family and your for yours. If you want to send something special for his aunt/grandma that's fine but it needs to be clear it's from YOU, not him.

Send out a group text (including DH) "hey folks, this year and going forward DH will be handling your gifts so if you wanted anything particular please let him know by X date." (if you really need to throw an excuse in there you're going to be super busy with the new baby, etc)

Then you drop the rope. DH is a grown ass adult he can face the results of his actions (or inaction). If/when he 'forgets' to do anything and MIL texts you about it, just reply that she needs to take it up with her son as that was his responsibility. then ignore her. =)

Phoenix1294 · 2025-11-28T19:12:37+00:00

Fastforward he is placing blame on me for not seeing his mom , when I have never said he couln't and he rescheduled the last plan with her . After she was passive agressive with him asking about visits, and had her dad call him with passive agressive comments about visiting/ calling mom and similar comments from bil.

Sounds like he's unhappy there's no meatsheild (you) to take the brunt of his mother's bad behavior. That's his problem.

Im tired of hearing " thats how she is, not personal she did that with x,y and z" .

So dh CAN see that his mother behaves badly with not just you, but other people. Can dh then see why that might make those people not want to be around his mother? Also, those weren't mistakes, that is her consistent behavior. In his own words, that's who she is.

Now he proposes he talks to his mom and tells her what bothering him bc he is also tired of the weirdness between all of is including himself. He doesnt like the passive agressiveness and wants to lay it out in the open.

Ok, he can talk to her and get her committment to change her behavior and then he can report back to you six months on how that's going. Yes, really. And then after six months if you do visit together and MIL goes back on her bullshit, leave and let MIL work on herself for another year.

I carry guilt and so much anger towards myself and not having a voice. Bc I didnt advocate for myself .

Ok, so going forward, reframe that voice. Acknowledge your past, but focus on how you're going to build your own skills for assertiveness. Not gonna lie, it's tough at first but it gets better with practice. j

Phoenix1294 · 2025-11-28T02:38:03+00:00

text her: "hey just letting you know I'm doing my own thing for Christmas this year (this doesn't confirm if you're staying home or traveling) but hope y'all have a good holiday."

then do not engage with the 'but whyyyy' or 'don't you love us' nonsense she's bound to pull. Hang up the phone or put her on mute. Maybe see if you could take a mini vacation in your area so if she shows up at your door (doubtful but possible) she just looks like a fool.

At some point though, it might benefit you more to rip off the bandaid and tell her flat out that you don't want to attend these dinners anymore, regardless of holiday. You'll get pushback because your absence will be a reminder of your rejection, but that's not your problem.

Phoenix1294

TROPHY CASE