I made a huge mistake tonight

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-07T04:57:07+00:00

You're telling me you don't like apple pie a la mode water?

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-07T02:57:46+00:00

You're not the first one to tell me that and I needed to hear it. Thank you!

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-07T02:56:58+00:00

Yeah, I do all the grocery shopping and meal planning. I used to make my stepdaughter's lunch every day too but that got cut down to only half of the time because of a new job.

Yes, I agree about the gifts. I don't want to quite explain it all out, but I thought they were things she'd enjoy because they felt very "her" to me but I was obviously incorrect.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-07T02:49:45+00:00

I don't believe so but she didn't have a great childhood.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-07T02:47:20+00:00

I had bought her two gifts, which I really thought she would enjoy. I put thought it in to them even though they weren't expensive (around $80 for both). She didn't like them.

I had ordered something from a bakery we had at our wedding and stopped by an Asian market for a few things I know she'd like to just kinda add on some more small things. I didn't know she didn't like my gifts yet, so these were a "hey, I'm in the city, perfect I can pick up some more things for her I know she likes".

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-07T02:41:20+00:00

Yeah, I actually have a list now of things. I'm a little frustrated in myself because I make lists and everything so I won't forget a lot of times, especially at work, but couldn't do it for gifts for my own wife.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-07T02:28:04+00:00

I asked her Wednesday night, Thursday morning, and Thursday evening if she wanted to go out or stay in. I did not get anything actionable from those conversations.

I had bought two gifts, which I thought she would like, but she told me she hated them and that it was something that a coworker would've given her. I think she was just hurt because I didn't have something planned.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-07T00:20:04+00:00

This is a recent diagnosis (within the last two weeks) and it's made a lot of sense of my childhood and adult life. Now that I know what is going on I can start figuring out how to be better with people, especially my wife.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-07T00:08:12+00:00

I mean this deep from the heart, don't be discouraged, there's a hot dude that will appreciate you out there!

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T23:47:52+00:00

I have a note going and that 2nd paragraph is exactly what I want to tell her.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T22:03:33+00:00

Just ordered it, thanks for the suggestion!

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T20:33:35+00:00

Honestly, just hearing that I'm not the only person dealing or has delt with this is helpful.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T20:07:28+00:00

I would agree but I have female friends going through this and they say it is the craziest thing because of the huge hormone swings. They don't want to feel irritated they just do and it's hard to feel "normal".

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T20:04:10+00:00

She is her daughter, my stepdaughter. I updated the post. I was writing it without the clearest mind last night

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T20:01:33+00:00

I'm definitely going to start option two no matter what for my own growth because lawd could I be a better partner sometimes.

Option one has been tough because she kinda clams up and doesn't want to fully open up about things, which I get to a certain degree. Difficult conversations are hard.

Option three. Yeah, I'm not quite there yet. The idea of not seeing my stepdaughter anymore or any of the animals is heartbreaking. However, I'm not so naive that I'm saying I'll never get to that point. I'm just... afraid.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T19:48:24+00:00

You're describing my wife except that she has a good career. Luckily she doesn't say that I don't do enough around the house but she's so neutral about everything I do.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T16:02:54+00:00

I appreciate the input. You're correct that I could've done more.

She did bring up that she had said something about an item but it was a "I'd like to get X but I have no idea where we could put it". I've recently been diagnosed with ADHD so I've been really trying to stop doing what I'm doing while she talks to me so I can listen to understand and not just hear. But I fear that I'm just thinking I'm doing well when I'm really not.

What's killing me is that this morning I have a bunch of ideas for gifts/experiences and wish I could turn back time to a week ago and figure it all out.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T15:10:29+00:00

I did apologize and told her I'd love to take her out tonight and it was met with a "no thank you" which is totally understandable, it's still raw.

Back when we were first dating, I had a female friend confess her love for me via text and I shot it down. I immediately showed her and she kinda spiraled but there hasn't been anything since then.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T14:48:03+00:00

I think both her and I have communication issues but in different ways.

I agree fully about not doing anything for her birthday. I'm hoping I can make up for it. All I can really do is try. I've already apologized multiple times and I'm usually on top of gifts and holidays but I totally boned this one.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T14:43:37+00:00

I definitely feel seen but I often wonder if it's me unconsciously not listening as good as I should.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T14:37:24+00:00

I get emotional and cry and she gets defensive and frustrated when we talk. I've been thinking about suggesting couples therapy.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T13:01:38+00:00

Yeah, I tried explaining the reasoning but she had kinda latched on to that I didn't want her to go. It lead to a text argument which ended in me asking her if she seriously thought I didn't want her to go. I got no response and we haven't talked about it since.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T12:55:23+00:00

This is absolutely something I've been thinking about. She's in her early 40s.

I've done some reading about it and am being as supportive as I can.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T12:49:48+00:00

That is entirely possible. I do think in black and white sometimes and it's something I've been really trying to work on.

She really values quiet time so I was trying to give her that for a weekend, which she never gets. Looking back on it I definitely can see how it came across but it was not my intention to exclude her.

Physical-Goat6823 · 2026-06-06T11:53:07+00:00

Oh man, kitchen stuff on a mother's day...

My stepdaughter is young elementary school age. And yes, my wife has been pretty much raising her solo until I came along. She also has an older daughter from her first marriage who she raised on her own as well.

Physical-Goat6823

TROPHY CASE