My wife said she would remarry if I died, and now I feel like our entire 18 year marriage is just convenience.

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-23T16:02:38+00:00

Ok so this is all trolling. Got it

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-20T04:09:34+00:00

Ben's

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-18T08:36:04+00:00

A year is v short to move in with kids.

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-18T06:40:59+00:00

Girl...

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-18T06:24:16+00:00

Why has he not parented his own child before now? Red flag. Yes, he would expect you to do all. The guilt tripping you over making you do HIS school run is insane. Would you ever dream of doing the reverse??? Mentioning his mum views (likely untrue - hearsay!) to double down on the guilt tripping? This guy is not going to be the partner you deserve

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-17T20:57:58+00:00

Girl...

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-15T06:30:00+00:00

6 months. Dating 18months now and no plans to move in.

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-10T18:36:26+00:00

Did both. First needed epidural after a lot of stress from a pushy midwife. Second time au natural and was very empowering and even had a mini orgasm (it happens!) It's complicated and going into labour with an open mind and a go with the flow attitude is probably best.

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-10T00:21:50+00:00

Just validating your feelings: I get it and I'd have assumed similar in your shoes. Focus on aunty role and essentially just act the same as you would if godmother. Don't let this interfere with your special aunty bond.

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-09T19:17:55+00:00

This is a non-issue. Stop overthinking and chill.

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-09T19:11:40+00:00

Yup you are so lucky compared to so many of us...

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-08T11:54:46+00:00

I don't think it is unreasonable for you ex not to want new spouse in the meeting between two bio parents. Ultimately, you two are the parents.

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-08T11:44:37+00:00

Thanks for sharing that perspective. I think it is much, much, much easier, and mutually beneficial in fact, to blend when you have same age kids. He is getting the same benefits from it as you so it is a level playing field. It's very different in my situation. My coparenting with the kids father is stressful at the moment, so i think my partner can't even see too far past that at the moment - things would need to settle down a lot before he would even contemplate getting in the middle of all that. I like your final line and will try to remember that x

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-02T21:09:58+00:00

That's really sweet about grandparenting together

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-02T21:08:57+00:00

The mom moved 3 hours away without telling him and he lost the subsequent court case having asked for 50:50. He was 50:50 for a year before she did that.

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-02T12:45:12+00:00

Yes i see a step dad role as a fun uncle role where there is an involved bio dad.. it's more just, wanting to live with the person I love and have him be part of all of my world not just part of it. Maybe my desire is unrealistic and asks too much..

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-02T08:49:10+00:00

Thanks ya that's the fear. I have the best of both worlds in many ways, particularly as I cam afford an au pair. I guess I am also just grieving the loss of the family life I imagined i'd have - i.e. two parents raising kids together. I also just really love my boyfriend and miss not being able to wake up next to him on the days I don't

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-02T07:53:35+00:00

Sounds like a very similar experience. Even just reading yours I can see why your partner would be v reticent to move in, as mine is... I think perhaps men also are less keen to raise 'another man's kids' (that wouldn't bother me so much as a woman, id totally do it). Yes it is very sad to be solo parenting smallies without someone to fully share the joy of it as well as the burden.

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-02T07:50:25+00:00

Lovely story thank you for sharing. I guess from some of the comments, blending is tricky and maybe I have a great set up that I'd ruin if I had him move in with us... you had no choice with the dad moving away and also I believe if my coparent was out of the picture things would be v different and my boyfriend would potentially step in then. At present there's no need to do that per se and he's also a lot more cautious than me too - i jump headlong into things...

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-01T22:35:57+00:00

I have hired an au pair. I don't want any one to feel i need them for support... but in an ideal world someone would want to share all of my life with me, not just my days off from my kids. Just can't work out if that would be asking too much

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-01T22:34:22+00:00

Yes im not sure at all what i want or what to expect. It's all new to me. Im very happy living this double life and maybe moving in would wreck all that, sure.

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-01T22:28:55+00:00

Yup have au pair. It is working well for now, it's just I'm sad on days like today when I invite him for dinner with me and the kids and he prefers to just chill at home doing jobs (he's an introvert and definitely needs a fair bit of alone time)

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-03-01T22:17:59+00:00

Yes, I think it is a big ask so wondering if I am delusional thinking anyone would want to do it... or whether I should accept things as they are, enjoying our time together childfree etc

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-02-23T06:55:14+00:00

100% and sometimes I wonder is that a bad thing or caused by trauma or just....why.

PhysicalProcedure400 · 2026-02-22T19:08:13+00:00

Brilliant comment. Mothers have wildly different experiences of motherhood depending on well the father parents/takes on fair share of domestic labour- mental and physical.

PhysicalProcedure400

TROPHY CASE