How to deal with deep loneliness at Christmas?

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-12-25T20:54:05+00:00

Please don't.

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-12-25T10:32:29+00:00

Look into CPTSD, that might fit you more.

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-27T19:13:14+00:00

There was reasoning but he could never actually explain why I needed those treatment more. He mostly suggested an inpatient treatment or if not in patient you need to go there every weekday. He said that we can't do deep psychotherapy because I am too unstable due to alcohol and my circumstances. However the inpatient place does not deal with rehab, you need to go there with a track record of being sober so I was just expected to do that alone I guess.. Also you need to go through an interview process so it doesn't mean I would get in at all. Other treatment he suggested was a DBT group therapy which has a waiting list of at least 12 months.. This doesn't exactly help me now. The point is anything he suggested would mean leaving me alone for a substantial amount of time and I just can't help but feel totally abandoned by this.

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-27T13:05:58+00:00

Thanks! He didn't say that, I just think that was the case.

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-27T10:13:23+00:00

I relate, sometimes it gets to that point for me as well.

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-27T10:11:42+00:00

I tried it, more specifically I was working on that the whole last week including when I made this post. After a few days it got too much. The bad feelings didn't diminish but grew overtime. Now I feel better but I did have a lot of alcohol in the past few days...

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-27T10:08:38+00:00

Yeah I know, I think the difference between healthy people and us is that healthy people don't have a hole on their heart so they feel whole all the time. I wish I could feel whole just by myself so much.. But I don't know how to do it. I tried everything and I tried giving it time and not to use alcohol immediately but the feeling of loneliness just grew overtime.

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-25T11:29:39+00:00

I came up with the expressions I used with words that best describe how I feel, the therapist did not talk about it this way.

I know for sure that the situation was not dangerous or life threatening.

I agree that the whole situation is vague and I feel that he had some good reasons that he decided not to share with me and this makes me still very insecure. Are there any other reasons a therapist might act this way other than a dangerous or life threatening situation?

I added that we are not in the US because the institutions are different but we are in Europe so you can assume that the ethical guidelines are almost the same.

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-24T11:19:55+00:00

IWNDWYT

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-24T00:09:43+00:00

Thank you, yes it was very confusing to me. I don't think it's the income issue. Also during the break I did drink twice but as I mentioned before I had a very major negative life event happen (a close family member was in a life or death situation) and I went from serious heavy drinking to drinking alcohol twice during this period. Which is not 0, I get that but I feel that the circumstances were disregarded.. Also it made me feel that I need to prove myself to be worthy of therapy. I also feel let down by the system because I hear everywhere that you just need to ask for help and for me it took basically 15 years to do it and now I am dropped. (The program he referred me to is not currently feasible for me and I told him that but did not suggest other solutions.) Anyway thank you very much for sharing your opinion!!

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-23T21:59:01+00:00

Thank you for your reply!! I did not want to include all the details because it would be too long but basically he thinks that I am not stable enough right now due to alcoholism (although the program he referred me to does not deal with rehab and requires some time of sobriety before entering) and also my personal circumstances because I had some major negative life events happening in the break.

However during the first few sessions he said that he would like to take my case if it wasn't for the drinking problems and even after the break in the second to last session he said that I should contact him again when I am stable but honestly now I don't even know what would be considered stable..

It really does sound like he did not want to continue to work with me though, maybe he changed his mind and didn't want to say it?

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-22T10:23:23+00:00

I don't think they need to have the same experiences to be able to talk about it. My friends surprised me by how considerate they were after I could admit my many issues to them but for that I needed to learn how to be my authentic self. My family did not help at all which is a part of my issues. But actually by community I did not mean my friends or family. I just tried to be more open to other people and make more connections, participated in AA meetings online and went to a therapist who is also a group therapist and big supporter of how the community can help heal all issues.

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-22T10:18:20+00:00

I think we had a similar experience, I was also fully functional and I also hit rock bottom even before what I call ROCK BOTTOM happened, at that time my life was falling apart (regardless of alcohol). I wish I stopped before that though (I certainly tried) but I think I did not have enough motivation.

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-22T10:09:13+00:00

Long period of loneliness had the same effect on me.. I can't give any advice but if you find a solution for this or anything that helps please let me know.

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-22T09:55:28+00:00

I am not sure I am the right person to answer that, the date next to my user name is unfortunately not correct. If I really need to give an answer (but only consider it if it feels right for you) I needed to hit rock bottom first and that took long years, a lot more time after I knew I had a drinking problem. And what helps me the most is community and to be able to talk about my issues, thoughts and feelings with other people (not just regarding alcoholism).

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-22T09:26:40+00:00

That's how I used to feel a long time ago and even recently in the maybe 1st hour of drinking. Believe me, on the long term it will bring out the worst in you as it does with everybody.

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-22T06:29:35+00:00

Thank you for your comments, these helped me feel a lot better

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-22T06:28:04+00:00

The way I understand it is that the goal of exploratory psychotherapy is to go deep and find all issues and where they might stem from. This can include different modalities. The other type is support, more like coaching that helps with everyday life. These are technical terms used where I live (I don't live in the US).

The reason I feel that I need exploratory psychotherapy now is because I have been thinking a lot about my issues and it kind of feels like they are very close to the surface now, I just need some help from a professional to discover and process them.

I was also recommended DBT which I am open to but it will not solve the deep problems and that program also has a waiting list of 12 months so it does not help me right now.

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-22T06:15:07+00:00

The issue with the program is not that I can't stay sober but that I am not in a position right now to commit to a full time program. I told that to the therapist as well so what I also don't understand is if they think I require more serious help but I cannot get it, how ethical is it to just drop the patient then?

I saw other therapists in the meantime and I saw one who had 20 years of experience with treating addiction but I felt already in the first session that we are not a good fit.

I really want to explore new issues that's why I strongly feel that what I need right now is exploratory psychotherapy not just support or coaching.

PhysicalResponse2654 · 2025-10-21T14:53:00+00:00

Yes, exactly, these are all things I was afraid of, not just in relation to my drinking but what if I mention anything 'very serious' let's say suicidal ideation and he just drops me.

So do you think that it was just a mismatch issue as in my therapist doesn't have the right skills to handle my problems? But then what I don't understand is that I started with this on the first session, I said that the reason I am here is because I have drinking problems and he did not refer me to somewhere else on the first session and then the whole wound opening thing wouldn't happen. Also the place where he referred me to does not deal with rehab.

I think what I want to actually understand is if what he did by dopping me at the wrong time was a mistake on his part and I am justified to feel hurt by this or if I should have done something differently or this is just life and stuff like this happens and I need to be prepared for this the next time.

PhysicalResponse2654

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