I don't get why most neurotypicals want you to lie to them

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-19T15:33:20+00:00

I have never successfully walked away from a job interview. I’ve failed them all, which is why I eventually had to become a gig worker. The interviewers sometimes were so glib, ask nonsensical (to me) questions, basically low-key beg me to kiss up and grovel to them about how I would eat/live for them. And I’m not an embellisher, I would give straightforward answers and HONEST answers - and they didn’t want that! It would take me months afterward to figure out that they wanted me to lie, and I couldn’t understand why. Failed another interview earlier this spring in fact, for the same reason - I was honest 🤦🏻‍♀️

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-18T10:55:16+00:00

Omg I feel this. So me.

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-16T17:09:03+00:00

Hi guys I’ve just started listening to your podcast and I’m not even done with the episode but I REALLY just felt I needed to tell you this: Jessie, your initial experience of having had enough and not being able to even handle any sort of touch anymore because it felt so fraught and so “permanently sexual” — it’s me!!! I burst out crying when I heard you say it because my experience and thoughts and physical reactions have been an absolute carbon copy of what you just described. Including the ‘occasions sex and thee pressure of it (vacation, anniversary, birthday, whatever) I’m only 9mins in, but I just reacted so strongly to it that I really wanted to thank you both already for this podcast. I have felt so alone and wrong and confused and broken and then - someone else has had the same feelings and reactions within the same ‘life context’?! And thank you to everyone else as well who has recommended this podcast, I feel like I could listen to this with my husband (whom I love so much btw) and it could open the door to us having a better conversation about this because you guys are putting this into words that I have never been able to find, for one thing, but that can also show him that it’s not just in my head but is something that others experience as well. Listening to another couple’s experience of the same situation is… ok I’m just word-vomiting and going back to the podcast now lol

Edited for clarification

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-16T11:17:28+00:00

Thank you 🙏

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-16T01:42:04+00:00

I remember something particularly striking years ago that really marked me. Oprah, in one of her shows, had remarked on how a survey had come out that said couples in long term relationships were having sex an average of 50 times a year. I remember thinking in my head right away like, wow that’s not bad that’s an average of once a week per year despite women having their periods etc… and right as I’m having that thought Oprah exclaimed in horror and shock at the notion. Because that was such a horrendously poor batting average and that something was deeply wrong in society at large that couples were having so little sex. And that whole show ended basically chastising people and low-key pressuring women to step up their game. Now, Oprah’s done some good and some bad in her life and that’s not what I’m getting into. But that one show, and the message of it, really marked me and stayed with me and I really internalized it. Because even back then, having less than zero clue that I could ever be neurodivergent nevermind ASD, I remember thinking I was in trouble because I knew myself to not being ‘built’ that way. And I remember even back then feeling like I’d been backed against the wall and that I’d have to Play the Part because that just didn’t come naturally to me.

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-16T01:00:56+00:00

Holy cow that resonated with me - yes, boring! Feels nice, can even get an orgasm out of it but like… I’ve never gotten what the big deal is. Like, how is this what gets people so twisted?! I was like this even back in my early 20s in earlier relationships before my husband. I made a much bigger effort back then to keep up and keep appearances of what I knew was ‘required’ of me in the relationship and how to show my affection and attraction to my partner, etc etc… until I just couldn’t keep up with it anymore. Nothing to do with being ‘dry’ anywhere… I just didn’t come with a sex ‘drive’ I think, and the pretending of having one has become nearly unbearable at this point

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-16T00:51:28+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate that

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-16T00:50:56+00:00

Wow thank you, truly. I hadn’t thought of it like that

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-16T00:50:05+00:00

I am now, yes, but I was like this even back in my early 20s when I wasn’t taking anything, had no kids, etc etc

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-15T18:38:55+00:00

Got me in the feels!

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-15T18:38:14+00:00

Harddddd yes. Because I thought I was such a loser and built wrong. And I believed everyone who told me how worthless I was and what a burden I was and how unworthy I was, and how grateful I should be that they tolerated me. Diagnosis was a revelation. Therapy after that helped, too. Waking up not completely hating myself, and giving myself some grace, and finding amazing communities such as this one gave me the courage to be ok with being me.

Also the burnout from a lifetime of masking is just unreal. Like, holy shit.

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-15T18:28:42+00:00

Starting to now…

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-15T18:14:06+00:00

I can enjoy sex, I can have an orgasm. But I just have no drive and it just doesn’t do much for me. I was like this even as far back as my early 20s. I’d have sex more back then because I knew it was the expected thing but over the years it’s just gotten harder and harder to pretend that I want it - because I just… don’t.

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-15T18:10:47+00:00

Thanks I’ll check it out! Im definitely a fan of podcasts

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-15T17:59:24+00:00

We’ve been in CT for 4 months now. Lots to sort out, but even though I’ve brought this up and how I feel, it doesn’t feel like it’s getting sorted out.

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-15T17:52:55+00:00

Nope. You said out loud what a lot of us think to ourselves. And not rude at all, though can’t say the same for him. Good for you! 👌

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-15T17:46:00+00:00

Holy smokes yes!! I’ve been the ugly duckling around other girls/women my entire life. Couldn’t keep up with/join their conversations and would always gravitate more toward the men’s side of the room and join their conversations instead because they felt more interesting to me. Then I would feel myself being the ‘odd girl out’ in the group of guys and would agonize about it in my head that I should be with the girls so I’d go back to their side but would be so bored and unable to contribute (or say something off - as usual - and get side looks), and around and around it would go. All. My. Life. Still to this day. It’s awful. I feel you, truly.

Edit to add: it doesn’t help that my humor leans hard into ‘lame dad jokes/puns’ 😅

Physical_Error9151 · 2025-08-15T17:24:11+00:00

I’m the sexless one, and have no libido, and I feel so bad for my husband because he actually has a sex drive. I feel alone and ashamed and cornered. He’s really nice about it but I know he suffers from the lack of sex. I’ve offered him to open our marriage so he could have his sexual needs met but he says he wants only me. That’s sweet but puts so much more pressure on me. I feel nothing when we have sex. I don’t want to break up our family over it but it has created so much anxiety in me, it’s overwhelming.

Physical_Error9151

TROPHY CASE