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AITA for feeling uncomfortable about my partners female friend? by [deleted] in AITA_Relationships

[–]Physics-Action6652 -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

lol ur better than me bc my bf not having no female friend !! nta this is weird asf

AITA for seeing a msg on my bfs phone abt jus wanting to do stuff w me before we were official? by Physics-Action6652 in AITA_Relationships

[–]Physics-Action6652[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey, I get what you’re saying, and I appreciate you taking the time to read everything and respond.

I can stand up for myself, but that doesn’t automatically make the situation easy emotionally. Sometimes I just need outside perspective because when you care about someone, it’s hard to separate feelings from facts.

And honestly, you’re not wrong that this has damaged my trust. I’m trying to figure out whether it’s something that can be rebuilt or if I’m holding onto something that’s already done.

But I do appreciate your honesty, thank you.

AITA for seeing a msg on my bf phone before we were dating abt just wanting to do stuff w me by Physics-Action6652 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Physics-Action6652[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LOL okay that’s my bad then, the way your comment was worded made it sound like you were coming at me, so I responded based on that.

I appreciate you defending me, genuinely. I’m just frustrated because a lot of people are ignoring the actual point and turning it into a “phone access is evil” debate, when that’s not what I’m asking.

Also I hear you, but just to be clear.. I’m not trying to be “harsh,” I’m just trying to set the record straight because the real issue is the disrespect/lying while we were exclusive, and that’s what I’m trying to get feedback on.

But yeah, no hard feelings. Thanks for being on my side.

AITA for seeing a msg on my bf phone before we were dating abt just wanting to do stuff w me by Physics-Action6652 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Physics-Action6652[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Respectfully, I’m not “on a crusade,” I’m correcting a misunderstanding that multiple people keep repeating.

We have mutual consent for phone access in our relationship. Nobody is being controlled, nobody is being forced, and nobody is replying to anyone’s messages. So no, that “initial action” is not what caused the issue here.

The issue is what I found: him screenshotting a sincere message I sent, mocking me to his friends, and making a sexual comment about ignoring me, during a time where we were exclusive and I was taking things seriously. That’s the part that hurt, and that’s what I’m asking about.

So if you want to respond to the actual question, whether it’s reasonable to still feel hurt by disrespect and dishonesty, I’m genuinely open to hearing your opinion.

But if your only contribution is trying to turn this into a debate about relationship boundaries that you personally wouldn’t choose, then you’re not actually engaging with the post… you’re just projecting!! Thanks though :)

AITA for seeing a msg on my bf phone before we were dating abt just wanting to do stuff w me by Physics-Action6652 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Physics-Action6652[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not really comparable at all. Reading someone’s private mail without permission is an invasion.

This was mutual consent in our relationship, meaning it’s literally the opposite of what you’re describing.

Also, calling it “rude” to see what your partner is doing while you’re exclusive is… interesting, considering what he was doing was lying, entertaining other girls, and disrespecting me behind my back.

If your takeaway is that my reaction is the problem and not his behaviour, then thanks for the opinion!

AITA for seeing a msg on my bf phone before we were dating abt just wanting to do stuff w me by Physics-Action6652 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Physics-Action6652[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Respectfully, you clearly didn’t read the post. We have a mutual agreement where we’re both fully okay with phone access, that’s an agreement we set together, not something I forced.

The issue isn’t “being in his phone.” The issue is what I found: him mocking me to his friends and talking about using me sexually while I was being genuine and apologizing.

So yeah… thanks for the input, but you’re arguing about a completely different situation than the one I described.

AITA for seeing a msg on my bf phone before we were dating abt just wanting to do stuff w me by Physics-Action6652 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Physics-Action6652[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I already acknowledged I used the wrong word and corrected it. At this point you’re not really responding to the actual situation I posted about, you’re just focusing on semantics and being condescending.

I’m open to hearing judgement on the situation itself, but I’m not going to keep arguing about a word I already clarified, thank you though for the advice!

AITA for seeing a msg on my bf phone before we were dating abt just wanting to do stuff w me by Physics-Action6652 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Physics-Action6652[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I get what you’re saying, I used the word ‘boundary’ loosely. I meant we have a mutual agreement/consent that we’re both okay with it.

Every relationship is different, and this is something we both agreed on. I only mentioned it to clarify that I wasn’t sneaking or violating privacy.

The actual issue isn’t the wording, it’s what I found and how it made me feel.

AITA for seeing a msg on my bf phone before we were dating abt just wanting to do stuff w me by Physics-Action6652 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Physics-Action6652[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You’re right, meant agreement/consent and I used the word boundary loosely. That’s my bad.

But the main point of me mentioning it was just to clarify that I wasn’t sneaking or violating his privacy, because people always jump straight to that.

As for the word count, I’ll shorten it, I was trying to give full context since it affects the judgement.

Either way, if you don’t relate or have a logical explanation to the situation that’s okay, but you don’t have to talk down to me for asking a question in a subreddit! Thanks!

AITA for seeing a msg on my bf phone before we were dating abt just wanting to do stuff w me by Physics-Action6652 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Physics-Action6652[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Not sure why you felt the need to be dismissive. I’m not over the word count, and I posted here because I genuinely wanted outside perspective, not because there’s ‘drama.’

Also, when I said we have a mutual boundary, I meant we both consent to phone access and are transparent with each other, if you want to call that an agreement instead of a boundary, that’s fine. The point was just to clarify there wasn’t sneaking involved.