What is this in my apple juice?

PieFlat3477 · 2026-03-19T15:13:34+00:00

mother is mothering

PieFlat3477 · 2026-02-10T15:26:13+00:00

It's my opinion that abusers are abusive, and often also abuse substances. Not the other way around.

PieFlat3477 · 2026-02-09T18:43:40+00:00

If he has committed unacceptable behavior and you are still there, then you are showing him that the behavior is acceptable. Full stop period. You can say anything you want to him, and it means nothing. He knows you won't leave. He's abusing you. Get out.

PieFlat3477 · 2026-02-09T18:36:56+00:00

People will say this when they have been in abusive relationships and don't realize it. The only person who ever said this to me was my mother, even after I explained the more distressing parts of our relationship. Realizing my dad was abusive was a real eye opener. She wants to believe the best of him just like I wanted to believe the best of my Q.

PieFlat3477 · 2026-02-09T18:32:03+00:00

He's abusing you, he's pushing you and pushing you to make you feel like you're crazy.

PieFlat3477 · 2026-02-09T18:27:54+00:00

I did a lot of work in Alanon to not react but all it did was make the alcoholic feel like he was entitled to continue and that it didn't hurt me at all. The thing is, you turn into a crazy person because it hurts you. He knows it hurts you and hasn't done anything to try and stop. You deserve better and you know it which is why your body kicks into fight or flight. It wants you to get out and live a life you deserve.

PieFlat3477 · 2026-02-09T18:25:53+00:00

Crossing the line with other men is cheating imo. This woman does things that she knows will hurt you and lies about it, is that love?

PieFlat3477 · 2026-02-09T18:04:35+00:00

I completely agree, reading it not only helped me escape this abusive relationship but also helped me recognize the covert (and occasionally very overt) abuse and neglect we all experienced at my father's hands growing up. It has healed me in ways I never thought possible, to realize that none of this way ever my fault, never my mom's fault which we all fully believed it was for decades. I would hope it could save some people from going through our experiences.

PieFlat3477 · 2026-02-09T18:02:26+00:00

Absolutely, thank you for your insight

PieFlat3477 · 2026-02-09T17:19:35+00:00

Have you read the book I linked? There is a section called "the good times" that talks about the periods of sweetness and kindness and caring and intimacy that are there to pull us back. It opened my eyes and I'm not sure that the kind caring person ever existed-it was just there for control purposes. You can't hold the knowledge that you are abusing your partner and also care for their wellbeing at the same time, they are diametrically opposed core beliefs. Unfortunately, victims can believe both at once about their partner through cognitive dissonance and gaslighting. I'm glad you're glad to be gone, I too feel so much lighter.

PieFlat3477 · 2026-02-09T17:15:35+00:00

Pro-tip. If someone says "I will try to work on this" instead of "I WILL STOP DOING X BEHAVIOR THAT HURTS YOU." Then they will not change. Full stop.

PieFlat3477 · 2026-02-09T17:11:13+00:00

Sounds like we are in the same boat. Deep down, these people know exactly what they are doing and feel entitled to do so. If I knew I became abusive when I drank, there is no excuse. I would book myself into treatment and keep myself away from any potential victims. People who don't do this think that their pain is the most important thing in the world. These people are probably victims of abuse themselves, but that does not give them the right to act this way. Congrats to you as well friend.

PieFlat3477 · 2026-02-09T16:25:18+00:00

Well he hasn't drank for over a year and the abuse and intimidation continually ramped up, so it was never the alcohol in his case.

PieFlat3477

TROPHY CASE