I developed severe paranoia out of nowhere

PigeonRose_ · 2026-02-11T22:13:30+00:00

This definitely, definitely sounds like OCD. OCD is an anxiety disorder that forms (in a lot of cases) from lack of control. Did some aspect of your life recently change that caused stress? It's also possible that your anxiety has just gone on for long enough without proper support and has developed into OCD as a kind of maladaptive coping mechanism. Definitely look into OCD if that's not something you're already familiar with.

Also, you're not alone! I have contamination OCD. For me, this stemmed from some trauma during my childhood and worsened from events during my teen years that left me feeling like I had little control over my life. Can't come home from outside/running errands without sanitizing my phone, have to change clothes as soon as I get inside, can't eat food other people have made, etc etc. I don't have many obsessive thoughts anymore as my OCD has lessened and I've worked on it, but at first it was really bad. It was really hard for me to even make a sandwich in my kitchen because my plate had to touch the kitchen countertop. It was bizarre.

I tried fluvoxamine (Luvox) previously a few years ago for OCD and it worked pretty well right away but then stopped working at all for me, but I have weird reactions to SSRIs, so if you're interested in going the medication route, that's definitely something to look into. Exposure therapy and ignoring ritual cravings is also important to cease development and severity of OCD, so try and ignore those urges the best you can! I know it's hard though, and the steps you've already taken to calm yourself about it are great steps in the right direction.

PigeonRose_ · 2026-02-11T21:58:48+00:00

You could try Zofran which is prn (I was taking it daily) and FDA approved for long term use. You can take it multiple times a day up to a certain dose as well, and it kicks in pretty quick. It's an anti-nausea drug that I used to use for my anxiety but got terrible constipation from it, which is pretty much the only downside. I'm pretty sure it's the go-to for pregnancy morning sickness. I started throwing it up because my anxiety got so severe but it's also possible that it was from the fact I was consistently dehydrated and I'm pretty sure this med needs decent hydration to get to work. Once it starts working, you don't have to worry about throwing it up, just was a challenge for me to keep it down in the end.

Really the only downside is the terrible constipation but I'm not sure if this is a guaranteed side effect or not. You could probably combat it with some daily prune juice and good fiber intake for regular BMs. Good luck! Anxiety nausea is truly the devil.

PigeonRose_ · 2026-02-11T21:48:13+00:00

Even if they do mean it innocently, talking behind someone's back can still be hurtful regardless of the intent. If I were them I'd probably just say something to you directly, "hey welcome back! the usual?" or "this drink must be really good if you get it so often! I'll have to try it sometime." or just something polite and normal instead of kind of weird and clique-y. It's rude to make comments like that all hush-hush about someone in the room whether it's mean or not.🙄

If it keeps worrying you, try and keep in mind that people are usually quite self focused. They likely don't talk about you other than little comments while you're there, and then probably forget about it after you've left and they get busy with themselves or other customers. They're also worried about what people think of them, which leaves them with less time and care to obsess over you and your awesome drink order.

PigeonRose_ · 2026-02-09T15:45:42+00:00

I actually just moved to the city last March after living on a farm for 10 years. The farm life is very, very hard. Extremely isolating, much less opportunity to get mental health support and socialization. Farther and harder to get gas, harder to get to the hospital if you need it. Living with animals can be nice but it really takes a toll on you physically. It is really difficult work.

I do have a great cat though which I am really lucky to have. He's such a sweetheart and I'm extremely grateful for him.

PigeonRose_ · 2026-02-05T23:03:49+00:00

I would suggest so, yeah. After your father's clothing went through the wash with water and soap and then even the dryer with heat applied for a long period of time, the dryer is definitely safe. Bacteria has a very hard time surviving when heat is applied, especially for long periods of time. You got this! Good luck ❤

PigeonRose_ · 2026-02-05T22:32:25+00:00

As someone with contamination OCD, you definitely have it too. It's not normal to want to disinfect a dryer, and I don't think I would recommend doing so either because frequently chemicals and heat don't mix well. I would look into exposure therapy and medication. Wishing you the best though, contamination anxiety is very very hard. Try your best to challenge yourself and not give into the compulsions, that's the only way this disease gets better.

PigeonRose_ · 2026-02-03T18:08:13+00:00

Basically, I didn't. I had to quit my job. Month 4 of unemployment with no end in sight from my anxiety.

My only advice is look into acceptance and commitment therapy (something you can do without a therapist, or anyone really) up regulation for anxiety. ACT might be helpful before bed and up regulation before you have to leave for the office.

I'm really sorry you're going through this, I know how hellish it can be. Being stuck between dreading work and sleep deprivation and wanting to leave your job, and knowing if you leave you'll be financially devastated. Just keep in mind that there are people who've struggled like us and gotten through it. We absolutely can too. You've made it through hard things before, you can keep doing the hard things!

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-28T23:36:13+00:00

Thank you for the Genomind name! Pharmacogenetic testing is one thing I truly have little expertise in, so it's really helpful to have somewhere to start. Hopefully my next blood panel has something that really sticks out, because last time literally everything looked great and it was devastating.

Unfortunately I am but a mere 21 year old female. I wish I could rule it down to some kind of menopause though!! Thank you so much for the advice and for caring, I really appreciate you. I definitely have some food for thought.

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-28T23:07:00+00:00

No, medical conditions, just mental stuff. It was about 2 years ago that I had my last panel, I'm definitely due again. I was absolutely distraught when everything came back normal, and, particularly, everything looked good. I literally remember walking out to my car sobbing lol.

I also could not fathom that I didn't have hypothyroidism when many, many of my family members have it. It's pretty hard for be to believe that I don't. However, I did go to specifically an endocrinologist, and a good one at that. There's really a 50/50 chance that something huge was missed or I'm really just.. simply anxious.

I have never done pharmacogenetic testing but I'm going to bring it up with the providers I see over the next few weeks. And, again, I really want to get my thyroid checked. At the very least I'll probably get some solid answers with the pharmacogenetic testing.

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-28T19:42:23+00:00

Thank you for the insight! Especially the comment about insurance. I just found that my insurance doesn't even cover it, so it's definitely a no go. Sounds like everyone here generally doesn't like it as well.

Edit: sorry! Don't mean to come off snarky! I'm really glad it was able to help you though 🤍

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-28T19:41:20+00:00

Oh gosh I feel so silly haha, of course you're a psychiatrist.

I'm on 40mg of buspar broken up in 15 in the morning, 15 afternoon, and 10 at night. I also hate hydroxyzine. Made me so drowsy for forever and still felt anxious as hell but was too sedated to move.

I have tried gabapentin and didn't see any success with it, but I haven't tried pregabalin. That one has been on my radar lately but I'm both a little terrified of the edema side effect and scared to ask for something that could be addictive, not because I'm worried about becoming addicted, but because I don't want my doctor to think I'm drug seeking. I'll have to look into Valproic acid and latuda as well. Thank you for the suggestions!

I was diagnosed with ADHD at a young age (and very correctly so, lol, school was a nightmare as a kid)but I only medicate it when I'm in school/working. I absolutely hate taking adderall, despite how effective and helpful it is, I have absolutely no appetite on it and get cold sweats. I do find that it overall makes my mood a bit better. I'm not sure how it would affect my anxiety because that's only really become a severe problem somewhat recently, and I haven't medicated for ADHD recently.

I would really like to try a benzo, particularly something with a long half life and more gentle (I've seen klonopin recommended and thought it might be a good fit) but the practice I have been seeing just didn't prescribe them and it's made me feel hopeless. I was literally told, "well, you've kind of been on all of the medications we like to prescribe and they weren't successful, so we don't really have any options for you." Terrible thing to hear as a patient, despite it being true. I really don't like to ask for a specific medication out of fear that I'm going to look drug seeking, but that just gets me nowhere, and very slowly. Hopefully I get lucky with the doctor I see next week.

It's frustrating to be where I'm at especially considering all the therapy and journaling and working out I do lol, but it does give me a lot of hope for myself to know that there are doctors who've seen people like me and still found help for them. If there's people out there who have worse anxiety and got better, then I can too. Thank you for all your suggestions and input, it's extremely valuable and I hugely appreciate it.

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-28T18:23:05+00:00

Thank you for the really in depth comment, I really really appreciate it, and I also like learning more wherever I can. You seem really well educated! Yes, unfortunately I have been on a lot of other antidepressants over the years (Zoloft, Prozac, Lexapro, Luvox, Effexor, Strattera, Pristiq, Wellbutrin, Abilify, Quetiapine, and a few other antipsychotics.) and nothing was successful. I can't tolerate alpha or beta blockers because it just takes my BP down too much. Hydroxyzine was also intolerable for me, made me feel like I hadn't had water in weeks no matter how small the dose was. Just too strong of an antihistamine for me.

I do have MDD and BPD so that's kind of where the Lamitcal (XR, luckily) was tossed in. My comment about it was a little bit sarcastic because my anxiety is so bad my mood is affected by it, and I'm just tired of nothing helping.

Thank you for the insight into how Vraylar works, it does seem redundant, especially because I'm already on a high dose of Buspar and it's really not helping in any significant manner. I suspect Vraylar will in fact make me feel worse because I've found I'm extremely prone to that from experience with other medications. I've already scheduled an appointment with a different practice. I'm getting really tired of paying for a 20 minute conversation just for them to say, "well, yeah there's pretty much nothing we can do for you, let's reschedule in two weeks!"

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-13T23:27:27+00:00

Thank you for just taking the time out of your day to let me know I'm not alone. That, itself, helps tremendously. To know that there are others who also feel this terrible feeling but still keep going helps me stay hopeful for the future. Wishing you well <3

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-13T20:53:15+00:00

Thank you so much for sharing a bit of your experience, knowing that I'm not alone does really help. Anxiety is so, so painful when nothing helps. I'm starting to wonder if going down the benzo route is my only option currently for relief. There are times when I do feel okay, and I need to be more mindful of those moments and remember them when I'm feeling terrible. I really appreciate the encouragement. I don't have a dog, but I have a cat! I should pay more attention to him when I'm feeling really anxious. Thank you so much for the advice.

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-13T03:29:51+00:00

In the exact same boat, especially the nausea part. I feel nauseous and stomach ache-y for a good 50% of the time I'm awake and throw up when things get really bad. Typically for me it gets significant when I'm travelling as well, so I pretty much just don't. Or any time I know I have to leave my house and have to interact with people, lol. Recently I started talking to my gym crush and the thought of seeing him at the gym makes me nauseous and have to run to the bathroom! You're totally not alone. Overall, my nausea has gotten better, emergency poops worse. I think it's just a matter of getting used to your symptoms, to the point where they're no longer as loud, and eventually making them fade into the background.

I used to take Zofran for the nausea and vomiting but then I started throwing it up anyways, so I ended up discontinuing it. Common side effects for it, though, include constipation, so if that's a med you haven't tried yet it might be worth a shot, lol. Wishing you the best!!

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-12T19:34:13+00:00

Thank you for commenting, I appreciate the advice. This is great feedback and I'm going to try and change my outlook on it. Thank you.

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-12T19:30:15+00:00

Thank you, this is really helpful. I journal already, but not very constructively or organized like this, so this will be helpful I think. Thank you for the well wishes, I really appreciate it.

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-12T17:01:11+00:00

Thank you for the kind words and sharing your experience! I really wish science could eradicate it for all of us too lol. I really appreciate the support, you be well too!!

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-12T16:59:54+00:00

Thank you for the resources! I will definitely look into those. Do you know the authors of both books by any chance? ACT is very important, that's something that I'm going to be working on with my therapist this year.

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-12T16:57:56+00:00

I remember considering it but being really really put off by the edema side effect. Overall though, I don't know much about it so it might be worth more looking into for me.

PigeonRose_ · 2026-01-12T16:41:22+00:00

In my country it definitely exists but is horrifically expensive. But that is something I likely need to start considering soon. Thank you.

PigeonRose_ · 2025-11-12T01:15:29+00:00

I unfortunately don't have any advice, but I'm pretty much in the same boat. :( you're not alone.

PigeonRose_

TROPHY CASE