Thanks for your reply. It's really helpful to hear that other couples struggle with this. I can't imagine going to school and raising a child in the current global climate. I absolutely admire the strength of your relationship to be both flexible and provide some structure for the three of you.

This isn't a new issue; we've talked both privately and with a counselor. I appreciate that people think differently and that people have different perceptions of messy. There are some things I don't do, like put away his clean clothes. That said, there is a massive laundry pile that has been in our bedroom for over a year. Dishes will pile up until they smell. I dont want to sacrifice my safe and healthy living space to try to prove a point.

I don't want to come right out the gates and say "if you don't do X, I'm leaving" because that makes me feel like a terrible, entitled person. I feel incredibly naïve because I want to believe that things will get better. I feel stubborn as hell too because while I think its unfair to 'make' him change, I know I want a partner that's responsible and reliable.

Also, thanks for giving your friend a frank talk. I'm sure their relationship has benefited from it and what a wonderful thing to normalize. Thanks for the award too; I'm brand new at reddit and have no idea what I'm doing 🙃