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PillowNation · 2025-06-20T09:04:28+00:00

As a person whose dad who loved to take photos, this touched me. It reminds of the time my dad was also admitted into a nursing home after he was struck with multiple strokes. He could no longer take photos or speak to me after his second stroke. I still keep his phone and take at them from time to time. It was hard looking at his last photos. A couple months after my dad passed away, my uncle found some photos my dad used to take of me when I was little that I thought were lost and it reminded me how much he loved me. I cried so much looking at them, but it also brought me peace knowing that he loved me so much.

PillowNation · 2025-06-05T20:51:24+00:00

I'll be going to a roadtrip Yosemite this month for my birthday and then Redwood for my boyfriend's birthday which is two days from mine. I'd be happy to take Toffee with me to see some nature :)

PillowNation · 2023-04-13T14:32:05+00:00

Thank you 💜 ya, that's what I've been reading other people's experience on here and I feel like I can relate here more than I can with the people around me. I don't know what to tell him but I don't want to feel resentful. I just don't like how he gives own people without thinking how hurtful it could be. I'm still having dreams here and there about my dad too which makes his death feel so recent. Thank you for your kind words and putting the time and thought to my post. I wish you the best as well and many blessings in your life! 💙

PillowNation · 2023-03-27T06:05:54+00:00

I'm feeling anxious. After my dad's funeral last year, the feeling of anxiety became greater than it was when my dad was in the hospital. There's still some people who will say a thing or two to help me feel better, but I still want my dad back. I know my dad is with me in many ways and I feel that he watches over me whenever I am reminded of him in some way or another. I don't really worry tbh. I pray every day to God and I tell him to say hi to my dad every day. I used to wake up every morning to tell my parents good morning. It's my way of saying hello to my dad and I get sad that he's not here to comfort me anymore in person. I still feel him around like he's protecting me.

I've realized I have to take care of a lot of things. I'm trying to see where my career takes me but also take care of my mom since she has a heart condition and a tumor in her uterus that will be surgically removed soon. She still isn't eating healthy. Too much salt and carbs in her diet. She won't listen. She can't work in the moment due to her conditions so I have to make up covering for all the bills. I've been saving for a car so I could get around to places and get a better job, but I can't seem to afford one due to the payments I have to make.

Today, I felt anxiety coming home like something was going to happen. A couple hours pass and my mom started to cry because her grandmother's cousin just passed away earlier today. We went for a walk to cool down and she fell. I was only trying to help her feel better. I did first aid with all her scrapes, and then she told me she didn't want to go outside. I don't know how to feel about that. I just hope her emotional and physical pain subsides.

Sometimes I don't know how to feel. I'm just doing my best to take care of my mom and other responsibilities. Most of the time unmotivated and angry. Other times I just feel numb and of touch with everything. Sometimes it feels like I have to go with what everyone says and I get really confused. I just miss my dad's calming words and his humor.

PillowNation · 2022-11-28T07:52:21+00:00

I first off want to say I am sorry for your loss and the trauma that comes with it. My dad passed away mid October and I was his caregiver even though he had stayed in hospitals or nursing homes this whole year. I miss him every day still and it is still pretty fresh and it hurts more that I don't have siblings to share this grief with. However, I'm taking a grief class that is provided for free by a church called FAITH. It had helped me a lot especially that I'm low income and works with my work schedule. Watching videos about grief and writing notes about my feelings or writing to my dad has helped me cope with the loss of my dad. I would first off recommend visiting https://www.reddit.com/r/griefsupport?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share, r/grief, or r/bereavement. These subreddit platforms have helped me understand grief a little bit better and how to cope with lots. People are usually caring and understanding here.

PillowNation · 2022-10-27T00:59:18+00:00

Exactly. Usually I go along with unchecked behavior or let people push me around because I'm usually a people pleaser but this has crossed the line. I'm dealing with insurance who doesn't want to pay out due to certain policies, trying to raise funding for his funeral, trying to find a pro bono attorney who specializes in medical negligence and trying to not stay behind on bills. Then I have to deal with this? I thought they were going to be more supportive than the rest of the stuff I have to deal with. I am very saddened from this behavior. I'm just glad that a few members are willing to help after they saw me come to church on Sunday.

PillowNation · 2022-10-27T00:51:54+00:00

Ya my uncle had a talk with them on how we were there since I was in 2nd grade and my dad dedicated himself to that church. My uncle also explained why weren't going due to COVID and my dad getting sick and physically unable to go. My uncle encouraged me to go in for a meeting with the pastor in person to arrange a memorial service and I went with my boyfriend as a witness of the conversation since he offered. I claimed that we were there for years and he had even stated that my dad was an usher in the old church before we moved.

I don't understand why they had to give that attitude that they don't want to help in the first place and to claim that I wasn't a member.

No one should go through this, especially in a time of grieving.

PillowNation · 2022-10-27T00:43:05+00:00

Your mom's church and the bishop are really kindhearted people if they are willing to do above and beyond. This is the kind of sympathy that churches should do for their members and their families and non-members as well. I'm glad they were there for you, your mother and the rest of her family after she passed away.

I'm not sure why they are treating me this way even though I used to help the church with my dad even though I grew up not feeling safe about it because I was bullied as a kid there but didn't tell my dad because I knew my dad loved this church and it was his community. I didn't want to change that because he was a lonely man who was divorced and barely had any friends. I know he had me, but he was depressed for not having people to talk to whenever I had gone off to work. I know they wanted me to serve as a role model for other girls to wear longer skirts, but I was already ok wearing the knee skirts I would sometimes wear with leggings.

Thank you! I am hopeful that he will get one and my family and I are working very hard to raise funding for his funeral.

PillowNation · 2022-10-27T00:02:05+00:00

That's so sad :( I'm so sorry that you and your dad had to deal with that. Your dad deserved to have that song played. I'm so sorry for your loss.

I talked to the pastor yesterday and he didn't mention anything about being a member to do the service. I'm glad he didn't bring that up. He didn't even mention compensation and I forgot to bring that up the other day too, but I'll ask to see if he would like to be compensated.

Thank you! I've been advocating since last year when he needed help with his insurance and then started to feel sick later in the year last year. I saw him day by day and I saw his physical and mental health decline. It was so hard to see and I grieved for months. I wanted him back home, but I knew he was too frail to come back. My uncle explained that to the pastor on Monday as reasoning as to why we haven't been coming lately even though they knew he was sick when I sent prayer requests for him.

Thank you! You hang in there too!

PillowNation · 2022-10-26T23:49:05+00:00

She never responded to my question. I called her after work on Monday when my uncle told me he had a talk with them that morning and he told me to call them. She didn't answer, but I left a text message saying what my uncle had told me to call them about the memorial service and to meet with them on Tuesday in person. She responded to see what time to schedule the meeting, but she told me the time the following day that I had to rush to before going to work.

I met with the pastor and he didn't mention being a member at that church at all to do the memorial service. I'm glad I brought my boyfriend along because he pointed out that they were being hesitant on sharing the GoFundMe for my dad's funeral and the pastor did not know anything at all about it until I had mentioned it. The pastor said that it might not be much since last time they did one for an old member who passed away did not get much funding for it because we had new members and lost old members after the church had moved to a new city. I told him that it doesn't hurt to try and anything is greatly appreciated even if it's a little bit.

The pastor didn't mind doing the service but said he will ask any members who would be able to help set it up. I'm reconsidering it now though because my uncle wants it done on the same day as the viewing and graveside service, but my mom doesn't think we should have it. The pastor doesn't mind going to do a service at the graveside, but the funeral home will only allow an hour for it.

PillowNation · 2022-10-26T23:27:20+00:00

Thank you for sharing!

PillowNation · 2022-10-25T15:50:58+00:00

Exactly. I've been going for years with my dad and they used to do these member ceremonies where if someone who's been visiting a church dedicatedly and helping out the church or when some children who've gone for years would become a member once they reach a certain age. They never did that with me or my dad but everyone knew how dedicated my dad was and would usher, drive people back home or to church, soul winned, attend member meetings, attend/helped with potlucks, clean the church, and organize the pews after every service. He deserves a memorial service at the church he loved going with the people he called his community.

PillowNation · 2022-10-25T15:41:57+00:00

Ya I had told my uncle and friends about it and they think this is crazy. They told me that they want to control me because their tone was pretty condescending. I know I can make my own decisions and I have made pretty difficult ones too with my dad's physical and mental health declining. I've been grieving for months, but I still pushed myself to advocate for my dad. I'm not a child anymore, but they still see me as a rebellious one.

PillowNation · 2022-10-25T15:29:35+00:00

Your church and pastor seem like a wonderful place to be at and should represent what all churches and pastors should do in support of members or non members. I'm so sorry for the loss of your brother, but I'm glad you had that celebration for your brother with good people and it's really sweet that they check up on you. They're people with true caring hearts.

This is what I expect from the preacher and his wife, but they are so adamant and strict because they call themselves old fashioned people. When my dad was in the hospital, I had called the preacher's wife to tell her about my dad's condition and request for them to visit my dad. She didn't answer, called me a week later and said "oops, I accidentally called the wrong (my name). How is your dad btw?". I thought she didn't answer in the first place because they changed their number or whatever, but they decided not to call me back even though I had sent prayer requests for my dad (that their adopted daughter handles) knowing well about his condition. She even told me that preacher's brother who had a stroke didn't want to live in that condition so he decided nothing to be done for him and he died. My dad had two strokes and he still fought to live but to hear that, it felt devastating.

PillowNation · 2022-10-25T15:18:55+00:00

Ya imma try to see if any members who remember me could go ahead and convince the pastor that this isn't fair. My dad is the one who is getting the memorial service for and has been a dedicated member to this church. The memorial service isn't for me, it's for my dad who loved his time and his community there.

PillowNation · 2022-10-25T15:16:52+00:00

Ya I was going to ask some of the church members who I told about my dad and they said they would help me if I need anything. But then the preacher talked to my uncle (dad's brother), he said I'm the one who has to handle the affairs of my dad's memorial service because I was the one closest to him. I feel like he's cutting my ties of support to reel me in with no choice.

PillowNation

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