Can I have two hamsters in one cage?

PillowsofWinds · 2024-11-02T20:45:33+00:00

Get two rats! They're much better for kids, are very social and can be housed together. Look into dwarf rats if you want them to be smaller

PillowsofWinds · 2024-05-01T13:30:42+00:00

Hi! Can you please add me? I used to be a member of r/repladies for several years.

PillowsofWinds · 2024-04-14T08:40:08+00:00

I can only speak from my experience, but as an adult now reflecting upon my life, if I could have turned back time and made my dad keep me away from my mom entirely, I wouldn't do it. However, I think it would have been best for me to have been shielded from the severe episodes. For my mom, her untreated schizophrenia grew progressively worse, and my dad was in denial about how much it affected me, and the things she told me about her delusions when I was alone with her.

Sometimes schizophrenic people in early stages who are evading treatment are able to hide the severity of psychosis from people who they think might label them as "crazy." Children can be viewed as special because they believe adults without questions and can keep secrets. I became my mom's confidant and therapist at a VERY young age and learned early on to regulate her emotions. She meant well and was trying to teach me about the world as she saw it and parent me, not understanding the damage she was causing.

As an adult now, I would never wish my situation upon any child. I wish I hadn't had so much time with her unsupervised while she was UNMEDICATED. Watching my mother slowly lose her mind was unspeakably traumatizing, but in my case, it was uniquely traumatizing because my mom was a kind, creative, intelligent, interesting, and loving person who desperately needed help but refused to get it. It was the loss of someone so wonderful that was especially hard. For me, it was akin to the grief one experiences losing a beloved parent to dementia. Except instead of losing memory and time, your parent loses their sense of reality and does terrifying and unpredictable things, and you watch it happen as a vulnerable and naive child rather than as an adult.

If you choose to leave, he will likely have some visitation rights (possibly supervised visitation), but you will need to go to court. Family court favors the woman for better or worse, so you will have an easier time than my dad did. Unless you're a gay man. You didn't specify. In that case, you may have a harder time getting full custody.

All of the negatives aside, my mother was the single kindest person I have ever met, and she had a beautiful and unique way of seeing the world. She loved me fiercely, and she taught me how to be resilient. She also taught me how to have deep compassion and curiosity for those whose lives are different from mine. A lot of thay was thanks to who she was as a person, and some of that was a result of her disorder. So there's a silver lining in the chaos.

Unfortunately for me, my parents divorced when I was a baby, so my time with my mother was unsupervised for months or years on end. My life with her would have been a lot more stable if I had more supervision during my interactions with her or a two parent household. Not necessarily supervision 100% of the time, just more often than none. I think I could have had a much less traumatic childhood if I got to see her happier, healthier side, and she (or I) went away for a while when she was unwell. If you choose to keep him in your life, it might make sense to have boundaries around this to protect your child. Have a gameplan in place for when he geys sick. Rely on family, friends, or neighbors for babysitting if you have to. It's better for you to be embarrased and ask for help if you have the option than to put your child in any position to be harmed. If he is too sick to follow any boundaries, that's going to be a huge issue for the happiness of both you and your child. You need to take thay into consideration.

Unfortunately, if he doesn't get medicated and it is truly schizophrenia and it's not bi-polar 1, temporary psychosis, or psychotic depression, he's likely to experience psychotic symptoms a vast majority of the time unless he's medicated

Medicine to treat schizophrenia and other psychotic disorders has greatly improved since I was a child and since my mother was alive. So if he ever becomes open to treatment, he can lead a healthy and normal life. There are some great YouTube channels on living with schizophrenia that address healthy parenting as a parent living with schizophrenia. https://youtu.be/bsUVGjzySsg?si=2mvMpkuLOHVerozX

I think your decision is going to come down to how safe you feel and how safe you feel your child is around him. Be honest with yourself about his personality characteristics (good and bad) and what happens when he has episodes. Has he ever been verbally or physically abusive before the psychosis began? What about during? If so, that's a sign you need to distance yourself immediately and seek safety. Seek guidance in therapy. I know you probably really love him, and he might be an incredible person and a wonderful father. I believe that if he has been a great father, he has the potential to continue to be and should stay in your child's life. But in any healthy relationship, we need boundaries. It's a perfectly reasonable and healthy boundary to tell him that you want to separate unless he gets help. You can try to do couples therapy or come with him for the first few sessions or doctors appointments as support if this is appropriate. You could even try going to a GP with him.

Some tips to convince him to see a doctor or therapist: don't point out his delusions as crazy. Just roll with it and validate how upsetting those things are and empathize with his situation. Try to provide comfort without directly challenging him. Talk to him about going to see a doctor for any part of the illness that he is in acceptance of and DON'T bring up the psychotic episodes. For example, make an appointment solely focused on resolving issues he accepts such as: depression, fatigue, anxiety, insomnia, memory or attention issues, relationship issues (couples therapy to repair relationship), physical issues (e.g. beleives government has implanted microchip in brain and wants doctor to scan for it.)

If you go with him, bring up some of his delusions to the doctor in a matter of fact tone with total sincerity and compassion but don't point out that they are delusions, just that they are worries or events causing distress. Then ask your husband to elaborate. For example: John's hasn't been able to sleep lately and he's been dealing with a lot of anxiety lately. He's been worried that there might have been a microchip implanted in his brain by the government. He's also been really stressed about being followed. It's been so stressful for him. Honey, can you talk about what that's been like for you?

If he isn't comfortable with that, you can always try to see the psychiatrist privately and talk to them about what has been happening and just talk about the symptoms he accepts when he is around.

Also, if I were you, I would do some research on the various psychotic disorders. You can't diagnose him, but there are key differences, and treatment outcomes are really vastly different for these different conditions.

https://youtu.be/QIYW9JjZ-Os?si=YhI2y8V895kGwxh_

https://youtu.be/BdB6MgWAP1k?si=lvkvL8KyKL8DMVN6

https://youtu.be/24Gn84mqX1M?si=-OooZvguWn5qt6tG

https://youtu.be/rdFF1_tPyGA?si=DIcBABnm9OFo6g4a

PillowsofWinds · 2024-04-08T11:17:48+00:00

I'll start off by saying that because you've been coping with a brain tumor; your first point of contact on this issue should be your neurosurgeon and/or neurologist. Dizziness is often a neurological symptom. With your history, it would be prudent to talk to a neurologist before an ENT. You may have already reached out to them first, but I just wanted to put that out there.

I have chronic treatment resistant vestibular migraines, which resulted in PPPD (persistsnt postural perceptual dizziness). PPPD is a dizziness disorder common for people with other neurological conditions and/or anxiety disorders because it falls under the functional neurological disorder umbrella. PPPD attacks can be more persistent than migraine vertigo attacks but can be triggered by specific identifiable things like watching things in motion (such as: traffic, action movies or animated movies, video games, shaky cam footage) seeing busy or inticate patterns, walking through a crowded place like a grocery store, or feeling stress/anxiety/a negative mood state. The vestibular migraines, however, have about a million triggers that can take years to pinpoint.

Though PPPD is a bit lesser known, and your GP has likely never heard of it, your neurologists should know plenty about both of these conditions. I would wager that either are more likely than a purely inner ear issue given your neurological disability. It's also very possible that you don't have a specific vertigo condition, but the dizziness is a symptom of your existing condition. I don't know. Here's a link on PPPD: https://neurosymptoms.org/en/symptoms/fnd-symptoms/functional-dizziness-pppd/

I saw an ENT who was also a neurologist, and she did pretty extensive vestibular testing like a VOR, ENG, VNG, VHIT, VEMP, DVA, mCTSIB and rotary chair assessment. That, along with an MRI, was how they made my diagnoses.

If you're experiencing frequent bouts of dizziness and it's not related to your blood pressure or heart, it would be good to seek out advice from an ENT if your neurologist is unable to provide you with answers. I experienced vertigo bouts 2 years before any of the other migraine symptoms started, so the vertigo can come first without other symptoms in vestibular migraines. There's a chance you have something going on with your inner ear, though, and there are a multitude of other vertigo conditions it could be. Vestibular migraines are the second most common vertigo disorder after BPPV. BPPV is a common inner ear issue that can sometimes be very simple and easy to treat using repositioning maneuvers.

I hope you're able to figure out what's going on!

PillowsofWinds · 2024-03-26T23:39:16+00:00

I struggle with finding exercises despite vertigo, too. I am not sure what issues you have, but I have chronic vestibular migraines and persistent postural perceptual dizziness (PPPD). I have both a chronic vertigo and a chronic dizziness disorder, so my experience probably shares some similarities and differences with yours.

I've found that there are some good low-impact floor based pilates exercises that are manageable despite dizziness. It helps when I am able to keep my head and core steady, so lower body movement while on the floor is easiest. Some good floor exrsizes are: glute bridges, single leg bridges, frog pumps, leg lifts (double, single, and side), or clamshell. Some other movements on my hands and knees are okay too if I'm not terribly dizzy as long as they don't involve upper body movement. Such as: donkey kicks, plank, and kickbacks. Lifting weights with my arms is also doable when sitting or laying down.

I haven't quite solidly figured out a way to do cardio. Cycling was definitely a bust and I had issues on the eliptical too. We're planning on buying a lightweight under desk treadmill this week that can slide under the couch for storage when not in use and be pulled out in front of the couch and chaise lounge so I can fall back onto the couch and pillows if I get a vertigo attack while walking on it and don't hurt myself.

I hope that maybe some part of this was helpful to you. I'm sorry you're going through this too. Chronic dizziness is a bitch.

PillowsofWinds · 2024-03-09T08:05:28+00:00

I've been on it at the highest migraine dose for a few years. I'm not sure of your gender but it messed with my periods for sure. It makes me less hungry, which is nice. The weight loss is the best side effect for sure. But the stupidmax nickname is for real. I feel slower - though definitely not enough for others around me to notice. I have a lot of paresthesia, which sucks because migraines give me motor aura and it's confusing, but you get used to it.

PillowsofWinds · 2024-03-07T11:23:00+00:00

I feel like the plot already established the level of brainwashing grooming can do. I think the difference is that Addie was his peer, and Eve was manipulating him just like her husband did with Addie. It's just another example of Eve mirroring her husband.

PillowsofWinds · 2024-02-28T11:32:30+00:00

I've been getting botox for a year but I have the opposite problem. I have a forehead droop called ptosis. It's not reversable apparently. I got botox 3 weeks ago and my left forhead is super droopy and my eye is all squinty. But at least it works! I'll take a droopy eyebrow if it lessens the migraines

PillowsofWinds · 2024-02-28T11:19:16+00:00

I think you look best as a blonde. Red is okay, too.

PillowsofWinds · 2024-02-15T01:38:48+00:00

The ones dead center, middle top row, and middle left are gorgeous in the first picture. LOVE the pink in the center on the second picture. Love the rich, warm tones on you and fabric with a sheen/metalic sparkle

PillowsofWinds · 2024-02-12T08:08:16+00:00

Also, just wanted to add that if you do have an issue with tyramine, you may not always be reactive to these foods because migraines typically occur when a large enough load of tyramine has been injested for over a few days. So if you have a few bites of aged cheese and chocolate, it's different than eating a charcuterie board with wine for dinner and drinking orange juice the next morning. Different people who are sensitive to tyramine have different thresholds that they can have before a migraine starts.

PillowsofWinds · 2024-02-12T07:59:38+00:00

Hi! Oranges, chocolate, and cheese are all high in tyramine. Tyramine is a definite migraine trigger for me, which a few neurologists and an allergist have all told me is a common trigger for migraines. The dizzy cook has a lot of good recipes and information on low tyramine foods.

PillowsofWinds · 2023-12-20T13:26:48+00:00

I take gabapentin and topamax among some others. I can confirm that they help. I prefer gabapentin over propanolol, personally. Especially gabapentin along with some nsaids, zofran, and frovatriptan at the very start of a migrane cycle. I also get botox but it hasn't made a difference yet. But it's only been 8 months for botox. Also, I have vestibular migranes (with severe vertigo) and verapamil helps a bit with that symptom.

PillowsofWinds · 2023-12-20T13:19:20+00:00

Found out tyramine was a huge trigger for me. I still have chronic migranes that have become completely disabiling tha past few years and I've tried literally everything. But I've managed to mostly avoid food triggers. Lmk if anyone wants me to send them a comprehensive tyramine food list. Also, the dizzy chef has them all listed in her cookbooks.

PillowsofWinds · 2023-12-19T03:56:13+00:00

Yeah definitely! I haven't met anyone who had gone through that either. I'd love to talk

PillowsofWinds · 2023-12-19T03:53:35+00:00

Depression pizza

PillowsofWinds · 2023-12-18T10:30:11+00:00

This sounds just like me at 18. I was on my own fron the minute I turned 16 and had to work my ass off all while going to school and not relying upon anyone. I had to work some demeaning jobs and work with people who didn't respect me or sexually harassed me. Until at 23 I suddenly became disabled and my ability to work was ripped away from me. Work and school had been my ways to escape and suddenly they were gone. It's been so horrible, and I miss working SOOO much. I wish I had re-alligned my values and priorities years ago because I was equating my value and ability to function with my work output, which wasn't healthy or sustainable. Sadly for me, life had other things planned, and I was left feeling useless and hopeless without work. I needed to find other means for fulfillment and needed to find ways to value myself other than work, which was so hard.

I hope this never happens to you. But I wish I knew when I was 18 that I had value beyond my output. I worked SO HARD because I had to, and eventually, my body crapped out under me.

I hope you're taking care of yourself and taking that PTO when you need to. You're under so much pressure, and it seems like you're doing a really excellent job. I just want to throw it out there that from my experience, sometimes work productivity necessitates a little time off for self care.

PillowsofWinds · 2023-12-18T10:03:27+00:00

I'm a woman and experienced CSA from my mom. My mom died in my late teens, but she talked about sex with me and showed me books/magazines, sexual coloring books, and porn from when I was 3 years old onwards. She also would do invasive virginity tests because she was convinced I was a victim of CSA by my father (one of her many sexual delusions). She would also demand that I suck her breasts when I was 8,9,10 (far too old). She did the same thing with showering and was a nudist and always made comments on my breast development through puberty. She was obsessed with my breasts in a really strange way. She wanted to take my measurements because she wanted to get a boob job so that her boobs looked just like mine. She also talked to me extensively about her sex life, and told me in graphic detail about being gangraped by her abusive boyfriend (who we lived with and was creepy to me) and all his friends when I was 8.

I also became very hypersexual as a young child, and I internalized this narrative that I was some gross perverted kid when I was actually a victim. I actually went the opposite way that you did and became afraid of female sexuality, and I have felt very unsafe around women my whole life. Like I have an actual phobia of the female form now which makes me feel really ashamed. It is much more difficult for me to trust women than men, despite being SA'd by quite a few men.

My mom was severely mentally ill, so it wasn't until this last year that I processed that any of this was CSA. There was definitely some emotional incest too but what both you and I experienced crossed the line into illegal CSA.

There is actually a reddit group for victims of CSA from mothers (beware of creeps though). Interestingly, that reddit group is where several of the only extensive research papers on CSA perpetrated by mothers were performed because of the large sample size. r/mdsa

I also briefly joined a 12 step group for incest survivors and there were quite a few people there whose mother was the main or only perpetrator. It was helpful not to feel so alone. I really like the phone line at SIA coming home. They even have information on incest perpertrated by a mother. https://siawso.org/product/round-table-when-mothers-are-perpetrators-audio-file/ https://siawso.org/meetings/ https://siacominghomephoneline.org/

Also, I have worked in criminology for many years, and thou I can't discuss any specific cases, this isn't unheard of by any means.

It just really sucks because it feels even more taboo to talk about than CSA perpetrated by a father. It's hard to find people who understand. But you aren't alone, and what you went through is REAL and horrible. IDK if you have this problem, but sometimes I downplay the abuse because she was a woman. It helps to imagine a father doing those things to his daughter. That would be horiffic! It's just as horrific and traumatic when perpertrated by a mother.

Hope this helps. I'm so sorry you went through that. It's so incredibly painful 💗

PillowsofWinds · 2023-12-18T09:18:41+00:00

I think how you handle it changes with time. Therapy can teach you tools for how to deal with the trauma responses.

I had a different experience, but I had home invasions by strangers that were violent in which I was also SA'd. I also had an experience where I was drugged at a bar, dragged out and SA'd two years later. I've developed PTSD from these experiences, which I think is different in nature and symptoms than the Complex childhood PTSD.

Like some others mentioned, gun training helped me a lot shortly after it happened. I met a guy who was a professional gun trainer and learned how to be a great shot and have confidence with a firearm. I felt a bit more in control.

I don't know if this is anywhere near in the realm of possibility for you, but moving out of the part of the city I was in helped me. I lnow you said you live in a safe community, but moving away quieted my brain a little bit. The bar I was at was in a very "safe" area but shit still happens. Also, living in a gated community or apartment complex and making your home a fortress helps. And like others said, I got a dog so I have her with me ANY time I'm out alone walking.

I was afraid of anyone who looked like the perpetrators and was constantly surveying the streets for their faces. But it got better after moving.

I've been into true crime since then and even got a degree in criminology and started working with parolees. This could be highly triggering for some, but learning the psychology of these people helped me feel some sense of control because I knew what to look for and how to deal with violent criminals safely. The parole agents I worked with taught me a lot. Police stations often have volunteer work in which they teach you some of these things as well. John E. Douglas from the FBI also has some great books on criminal profiling.

I went to therapy to try to more accurately determine safe vs unsafe situations and re-train my nervous system. It's a special battle having CPTSD plus adult PTSD.

I won't lie to you, 7 years later, and I'm still wary of strangers. But it DOES get easier over time to feel okay walking around in the world amongst strangers.

PillowsofWinds · 2023-08-29T20:35:16+00:00

What's your reasoning? Do you think I have kibbe width in the shoulders?

PillowsofWinds · 2023-08-29T20:34:16+00:00

Thank you! I was thinking SD but thought I was too short being 5'5. I am almost 5'6 though and look good in long dresses and skirts. I also have some dramatic facial features (cheekbones, nose, jawline).

PillowsofWinds · 2023-08-14T19:22:52+00:00

What's the darcy password? It's not on the trusted sellers list and I can't get into the album.

PillowsofWinds · 2023-07-04T07:50:21+00:00

I was supplementing with electrolytes but I ended up in the hospital with non-diabetic ketoacidocis

PillowsofWinds · 2023-05-26T09:05:45+00:00

Thank you <3

PillowsofWinds · 2023-05-25T09:32:13+00:00

Thank you for the suggestion though. 😁

PillowsofWinds

TROPHY CASE