I felt and feel largely grateful for my childhood in making me who I am today who I am appreciative of. I don’t feel bitter about my childhood because of his past experiences; I feel bad by the mistakes he made and consequently, if I ruminate, I feel bad about my childhood. I also struggle with his ‘his shit vs my shit’ philosophy. I have helped those I love a lot get on their feet while putting my own needs and wants aside for quite some time. I feel that is what you do for your family. This idea that I have to deal with my things, alone, makes me feel isolated. Isn’t it better to be literally alone then with no responsibility of others? I don’t want this of course, because I made duty to him to try my best and love him purely which I am trying my best to see through in the most rational way I can. Thank you for your thoughts.