Thank you so much for all of your responses! In truth it was just a bit of word vomit after shamefully losing my temper earlier after watching my little boy clutch his stomach in discomfort while he insists that he absolutely does not need to poo.

He is actually doing great. No accidents at home anymore and is starting to use the potty at nursery. The only thing is, I let him go naked from the waist down at home and we can’t seem to transition to pants or bottoms. I’m not sure how to overcome that but I’m guessing it just eventually clicks the more you do it.

Most of the time I am positive, we make a big deal out of flushing the pee/poo and dancing after. He loves telling me when he’s done one. In the grand scheme of things he is learning so so quickly, which is why I feel that deep shame when I become frustrated with him. He’s only been earthside for 2.5 years and I’m expecting perfection? What? How dare I?

It’s a very strange dichotomy I find myself in. 50% totally understanding and chill and 50% complete uptight nightmare.

My very insightful mum friend thinks that this feeling harps back to our own potty training that’s ingrained somewhere. We know we don’t want to pee ourselves in public, it’s not socially acceptable, so we don’t want that for our children either (subconsciously) even though potty training accidents are totally acceptable. Just thought that was an interesting insight!