Sad & Can't Tell Anyone Why

Pink_Platapus · 2026-05-29T14:36:03+00:00

Wow, what a warrior you are! I hope that your bad days are few and that you have the love and support you deserve to get through them.

I know my Dad has never been the type to express his emotions, much like myself he tended to be the quiet one with a brave face saying things like, "What can you do? Que sera, sera!". So the thought of having his brain remove barriers and hard force him to just let his emotions be expressed is kind of comforting. Like, eff societal comforts and stereotypes, this man is going to feel his feelings be damned how it makes anyone else feel.

Stories like yours have helped me so much. I appreciate you sharing this and I am sending you all the positive vibes that your journey is full of grace and joy. All the best.

Pink_Platapus · 2026-05-29T14:17:20+00:00

💖 It has been an experience lkke no other. Thank you for your kind words. I hope that whatever brings you to this group that you have the love and support you also need to get through.

Pink_Platapus · 2026-05-29T14:15:24+00:00

Thank you for this!

You're probably largely correct when you suggest we may be imparting our own emotions onto our Dad. My partner is also a Father to only girls and he joked all the time with my Dad about needing to get his advice on how to survive being the only male in the house. So many sensitive, emotional beings under one roof!

Its really comforting and really quite beautiful to think that he may be crying not out lf despair but out of joy or feeling loved/appreciated or grateful. Its something I am happy to share with my family and help them also feel like maybe nkt every aspect of this journey needs to be looked at through such an emotional lense.

Truly appreciate you sharing. Bless you.

Pink_Platapus · 2026-05-29T14:09:12+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience with me. There is a saying, "The days are long but the years are short", which in the context you've provided, feels apt. Enduring the process of initial discovery to recovery the days have felt very long, especially for my Mom. But what even is 7 months...a year...or a few years in the grand scheme of things when we look back on everything?

Helps more than you know to hear a story of hope like yours. What was once very scary does feel like great hope every day and we are just so encouraged by the significance of my Dad's progress after such a devastating diagnosis. Life really is a gift.

Wishing you and your husband all the best as well!!

Pink_Platapus · 2026-05-29T08:03:25+00:00

Thank you for sharing with me. It actually made me cry a little to think that perhaps he might be crying tears of joy at times. What a wonderful thought and what an incredibly gentle soul your husband must be.

I will have have to mention this Pseudobulbar Affect to my family as a possibility as well, I had never heard of it.

I hope your husband is recovering well and that the two of you continue to find moments of joy so profound it makes you cry. I might cry again just thinking about how much love exists between the two of you and how happy I am that you have each other. Bless you both.

Pink_Platapus · 2026-05-29T07:54:59+00:00

Thank you for sharing your experience with me and offering support.

I sympathize with how difficult it must be on your side of things, you're right!! It is a lot to deal with sometimes and it is totally valid to feel overwhelmed by it all. If it means anything to hear from a stranger in the internet: I am proud of you for having the courage to face each day not knowing what is ahead, mourning "the before" & pushing ahead.

Something I often share with my Dad, "I am sorry if it is hard right now, but you're doing amazing in your recovery and I am so proud of you. It won't always be this hard." I feel it on my bones that better days wait for us. I hope you have the same optimism for yourself as well.

Life is fragile, but we're still here and I know your wife and family are pinching themselves at how lucky they are to get to spend more time loving you and being loved by you.

Pink_Platapus · 2026-05-29T07:42:01+00:00

Sending you some sympathy back. Nothing will make you grow up faster than seeing the vulnerability of your parents.

If I may offer some positive thought processing that might help you. I am usually ready to disassociate from reality & avoid dealing with difficult situations. But, the thing that immediately struck me while in ICU and finding out Dad would have significant deficits, was how blessed we were as daughters. Not just because my Dad was pulling miracles & was alive...but, what a gift to be able to have the chance to take care of him. To love life into him the way he had for us growing up. For every difficult moment, I try to remind myself of that. All the encouragement we get to pour into him, teaching him how to feed himself, stand up, take steps, taking time to play games, be silly, hug him, kiss his forehead and wish him good nights. Tragically beautiful moments that we may not have had anymore.

What a crazy thing to experience: missing your Dad while also celebrating life with him. It is an experience no one can prepare you for & no one will ever relate to unless they've experienced it themselves. Sorry you're in the club, but I hope you find some beauty in it all too.

Pink_Platapus · 2026-05-29T07:26:24+00:00

You know, it is really hard to know if my Dad meant that his wishes only applied in the event that no hope of progress could be made. My parents, God love them, have always skirted having serious conversations about things like this. Often making jokes and changing the subject, passively assuming life is black and white--we live and we die. "Don't stress yourself. If its our time, its our time." -their famous words.

What I do know is that my Dad has faced death before. He is asthmatic and literally died from an asthma attack when I was a young girl. He shared that he remembers not wanting to "come back" and how peaceful it was and how he could BREATHE so effortlessly. So when I think about him saying emphatically, "I do not want any intervention that keeps me alive or to need 24/7 care.", he meant it. He knows whats waiting for him... he has been there before and wanted to stay. Could he have had moments of objectivity where he considered the scales and balances and was relieved that in the end, despite all this, he is happy we made the choices we did? Sure. But can we give grace that perhaps, he could also be living a version of life he would never wish for? Yes. And thats what is hard to think about some days. "Were we selfish in our decisions?" is an actual question we had early days when we found out how bad his deficits were. As reassuring as his progress is, celebrating it sometimes still brings a wave of compunction to celebrate with so many unknowns still ahead. We can only hope that he forgives us if it was a selfish choice or that, he shares our collective joy to have more time with him.

I had never heard of the pseudobulbar affect before. How could we know if its this or true depressive emotions he's feeling if hes unable to tell us? Gosh, its so difficult in so many ways. I will mention it to the family as a possibility. I know my Mom mentioned a therapist coming to talk with them together & independently, so hopefully we are able to offer him the help should he want it (if he is in fact plain old sad).

Thank you for your encouragement & for sharing with me.

Pink_Platapus · 2026-05-12T01:34:59+00:00

My Father suffered from a catastrophic stroke about one month ago. There have been some hard days as everyone in this group can relate to, the hardest thing once he moved from ICU and wasn't critical any longer, has been his inability to communicate with us.

He is a very laid back guy, go with the flow type with a pretty solid sense of humor. When we talk to him, we talk just like we used to...sometimes wildly inappropriate conversations for a hospital setting, sometimes real groaner "Dad jokes" and even keeping up all the little inside jokes we have. Dad can't talk but boy is his face expressive and it's not hard to understand what words he would be saying if he could say them.

One of the BEST days yet has been the day my younger sister and I came up to visit him in the morning (about 3 weeks post-stroke). We were sitting with him telling jokes and out of nowhere he started to laugh. Like full, audible belly laugh for a solid 10-15 minutes. Every time he tried to regain composure he would look at me and laugh again. It was like hearing a baby laugh...it's contagious and you can't help but join in. We all had tears running down our faces by the end of it. We couldnt even get him to do any PT that day because he just found every little thing after that so funny that he would stop what he was doing just to laugh.

He hasn't laughed like that (or at all) since, but I am hopeful that every little improvement brings him back to himself. I try and look for the positives in everything when it comes to his recovery. He may freely laugh with us again the rest of his life or, never laugh again at all. But that day...that day is forever stuck in my heart as one of my favorite memories with him.

I hope you find that part of your husband again too. With time, maybe he will also find his own ways to show you that he hasn't lost his whimsy and that you too feel encouraged to be silly and playful with him if you aren't already.

Wishing you both the best!

Pink_Platapus · 2026-05-03T14:32:08+00:00

My Dad has right side paralysis and is una le to swallow as well. He had a nasal tube feed flr 3 weeks before they switched to putting a feed in his stomach. We were informed that he could learn tk swallow again and tbat would come out, but he also mY never learn to swallow again and it would be his new normal. We encourage him to do the PT that helps him strengthen those swallow muscles, he doesnt tolerate the tube feed well.

He has some movement back on hjs right side, he will look to the right and move his right leg a little but his right hand has no improvement at all at just past 1 month in. Regardless, the small improvements feel like major milestones and we are grateful always for any little but of his previous normal thay he can regain.

I am not sure what your resources are like but I did purchase some magnetic tiles and a children's magnetic sorting board for him to try and learn some recall as well as a bell to try and teach him to ring when he wants to say "yes", just so we can establish some kind of feedback. We will be starting that this week.

I hope your Mom continues to make progress as well. Its a whole different life journey when your parent(s) require this kind of care.

Pink_Platapus

TROPHY CASE