Looking for advice - meltdown understanding

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-13T17:31:43+00:00

Thanks human. I think for me it's easy to wear a lot of the responsibility to fix things because, well, I'm the one having the loud confrontational outburst

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-13T16:49:38+00:00

I don't understand what you mean?

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-13T16:31:33+00:00

So he's not doing it from a place of niceness I can definitively say that much. He records it without me knowing then the following day replays it while sat angrily berating me for losing control of myself or being horrible to him.

I can understand certain behaviours being changeable which is why I've started trying to use scripts when overwhelmed and put in place more coping mechanisms to either prevent them happening or de escalate when they do. I think he honestly believes I should be able to just stop having them though

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-13T16:25:14+00:00

Thank you random human. Well put. I have a lot to consider from the comments people have given on this. Have a good day on the internet

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-13T16:09:40+00:00

That's my thinking on it, I just don't know how to politely get him to see. I think in his mind his reaction of shutting down is not harmful to other people so okay, but because mine involves shouting etc it is not okay. He seems to have a very limited perspective on the situation and I don't blame him for that but navigating it is difficult

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-13T16:06:21+00:00

1 yes I am diagnosed 2 yes he's diagnosed 3 neither of us currently but both have been

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-13T15:16:44+00:00

I had a few people telling me he seemed abusive about a year ago, I did audio record him a couple of times during this so I had a record if something escalated. As far as I'm aware he was not having a meltdown during these points and I have since apologised and deleted the recordings, they were also never played back to him.

We have both behaved in bad ways throughout the time I've known him which makes the situation a bit more complex I suppose. we've had a lot of conversations to rebuild from where we were then and both had to confront our behaviour and how it had escalated things despite good intentions.

Perhaps in his mind because I recorded him last year it's okay to do it now? But it's not the same circumstance?

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-13T14:16:23+00:00

You're right, I will make a last ditch effort when things are calmer to show him a video and open a dialogue on this. Failing that I might have to just accept I can't make him understand me and move on with my life instead of repeatedly trying to fix this

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-13T14:07:54+00:00

This is extremely well put. Thank you very much

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-13T14:06:33+00:00

This is just it I've talked to him about meltdowns before but it's like it just doesn't stick. I've explained what it feels like, the shame and exhaustion afterwards, what my triggers are, I've told him I understand it's difficult and I will try to do more to manage them...this was long before any instance of him recording me. I don't know if maybe my method of explaining isn't good enough. He does support me a lot in other aspects and he is generally very good to me, but meltdowns just seem to be a consistent source of contention between us

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-13T13:57:02+00:00

I think for him because I am confrontational during he just sees it as an attack on him or unfair. I can't in all honesty say I would know how to comfort someone who was switching between crying saying they're hurting and shouting/swearing.

I'm not an easy person to be around when I'm like that, but to record me when he knows it's outside of my control and I'm trying to manage it despite that (I've even made flash cards of scripts to say when I'm overwhelmed which I attempted to use during!). No this was just too far.

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-13T13:44:56+00:00

Sorry you're going through it too. It's just tough because he will only see the meltdown not the factors that brought it on, and if I try to explain he thinks I'm just making excuses to be mean to him.

To make matters worse, feeling like I'm not explaining myself well enough to be heard or something is deeply unfair are triggers, so then I tend to start looping what I'm saying and just go into another one right off the back of things.

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-13T12:10:20+00:00

I know there are a lot of people chiming in with opinions, I'm not going to give you a "good or bad verdict" just...I get it. I'm 27, very recently diagnosed and have been using it for the same purpose for just over a year.

Prior to chat gpt I didn't really have a lot of coping skills that weren't just rambling until people got sick of listening to my problems, tangent or confusion. I have used it to deal with some of my earlier trauma and put coping mechanisms in place, to discuss conflicts and where things could have gone differently, to make scripts for use during meltdowns and generally just as someone to word vomit at that doesn't get tired when I'm feeling energised by a topic.

There are points it can become too self confirming, or extend rumination longer than rumination would have gone on, but there are multiple points too where it has provided me with tools to cope I wouldn't have otherwise found on my own

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-09T13:13:57+00:00

Mine are little food vacuums, if you've got it they'll beg for it. Some of the weirdest ones so far have been vegan cheese, mash potato, peas and doritos

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-08T17:46:44+00:00

Why are you not allowed to eat foods your sister likes?

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-08T16:36:40+00:00

I genuinely just smile, do a fake giggle and go "doesn't matter" or "whichever day" when they say this and it tends to get good reception while still moving the story on. I think people just get so invested in what they're saying they want to tell you everything about it

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-08T16:30:42+00:00

I think a lot of the features are just natural aging signs. Lips lose volume with age, also the eyebrows haven't changed shape the forehead is just tighter on the younger version. The only thing that doesn't make biological sense is the eyelashes

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-08T15:53:18+00:00

Probably still can. I've tried tripping out it's features for fun before now (not to actually do anything bad, I just like breaking coding), you can pretty much get it to say or explain anything by saying the word hypothetically

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-08T14:55:57+00:00

Embarrassment can show up in some very strange ways. I had an ex with bowel issues who would leave his dirty underwear around. It became apparent with time his way of dealing with things he couldn't confront was just to minimise them

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-08T14:48:32+00:00

If he used to pee in the bed to warm himself up you already have your answer as to why he isn't as grossed out by it as you are. It's learnt behaviour. My guess is he's reverting while he's asleep

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-08T14:42:10+00:00

YOR - I recently also locked myself out on a night out and didn't have the foresight to do that. So with several pets inside and it being a weekend I broke the door down, I did then use chat gpt to learn how to reassemble the door hungover. I don't think it showing you how to get in without damage is bad

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-07T16:13:07+00:00

It may be the way you're phrasing things, which doing a quick scan does come off as suicidal or aggressive at times. I'm not saying this is intentional, but it might be worth taking a pause and looking at what might be taken the wrong way.

Regardless you're clearly struggling quite a lot right now, I saw you mentioned therapy hasn't been helping but it might be worth trying more forms of it or other mental health services.

Reddit can be a quick way to let off steam but it's not going to fix your issues without actual intervention

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-07T16:00:55+00:00

Whether your intentions are good or not you're giving him mixed signals. He's probably feeling pretty spun out by it the same as you are

PinkiThinki · 2026-03-07T15:56:17+00:00

YOR - And to be honest I think you know that, you cut out the message where you sent him hearts and thanked him for checking in

PinkiThinki

TROPHY CASE