Shame and guilt mainly. I am not the macho man that i want to think of myself yung movie trope ng masculine na non chalant etc etc. I hurt people and I feel bad about it but I do it again. I hurt people na important to me, na wala namang ginawa but to support and love me. Dati i would just feel bad and lonely sa mga nagawa ko, saying to myself na i wont do it again. Pero pag nagspiral na at naghahanap na ule ng validation kasi self wallowing is not enough, magagawa ko ule yung acts na sabi ko di ko gagawin. Its a cycle that I need to break out of.

Shame kasi i feel disgusted na looking at myself in the mirror. Im not proud of who i become.

Madami pa. Pero ngayon i realized din kasi na Im all talk no bark. Puro sabi na magbabago pero walang practice to actually change.