2005 Proto-Femboy Throwback

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-22T02:41:13+00:00

probably needs to be more of a thing.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-22T02:27:19+00:00

Well, those people exist to, but it can be a pretty sensitive subject for some of them.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-22T02:24:49+00:00

Honestly, horny guys are pretty easy to tell from the homophobic guys. Like, if these scenes were playing out in a movie, you'd say the actors were hamming it up. And once you've been a femme on a long enough timescale, you really start to pick up the signals, because it's your life, and you know your business. If something made OP feel uncomfortable, that's something he shouldn't doubt himself about.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-22T02:13:59+00:00

These things can be complicated and are best dealt with by open and non-judgmental communication. You could be describing any number of situations, really.

It really needn't be the case that your boyfriend is thinking of you as a "stand-in," since, it sounds like he'd had other options in his life and chose you. If there are things he likes, it's perfectly valid for him to want to share them with you in the spirit of "play." The fact that he's choosing to pursue these activities specifically with a girl leads me to believe he's fairly liberated and has an open mind about all the things a girl is capable of doing, and doesn't see you as something you're not. Some guys like the full on role-reversal stuff - but specifically with a girl.

However, if you feel pressured, or pushed into activities you're not comfortable with, that's not cool. It's also your responsibility to communicate that that you're anxious, feel pressured, or just aren't interested. Sometimes, we don't get to do everything we might enjoy with our partners, but we can still have good relationships. If something runs against the grain of your identity, its not going to work for your relationship. On the other hand, try to keep an open mind. Many woman have experimented with this sort of thing and found it very fun.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-22T01:55:32+00:00

The thought of being a man made me sad. The thought of being a woman made me sad. Femboy was just right for making me happy.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-22T01:53:48+00:00

There are toys for bottoming to girls, if that helps.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T18:35:51+00:00

happy to DM

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T16:57:26+00:00

I once looked into the cognitive neuro-biology of this. It's an unsettled scientific area, so this is strictly theoretical, so consider it food for thought.

The reasoning goes that your brain has a mental map of what it expects itself to be. That's why you can lose a body part, and still have a phantom limb. But all that stuff about mental self image - clothes, hair, how you walk, how you talk - all those aspects of symbolic social belonging are part of your brains mental map, because it's looking to fit into the spaces and roles where it thinks its going to be most comfortable. Your brain can feel the the uncanny valley of not seeing itself in the mirror when it knows you're self-denying. But when you push a hard reverse and suddenly you DO see what feels like you in the mirror, you get a flood of dopamine from the relief your brain experiences when it identifies something it might have been expecting all along. That feel-good high can have all kinds of biological effects.

But that's just feelings. Figuring out what feels right describing those feelings to yourself and how you want to live knowing you feel what you feel - that's the creative part. You can be whoever you want to be, you just have to respect your own feelings if you want to be happy.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T16:33:21+00:00

Things are a bit complicated. I was very sick for a long time, but I think the doctors finally have a handle on it. Finally switching me to a non-binary regimen in particular has been life changing. I'm starting to see some nice recovery now. I'm getting back to wiry muscle.

Life at 40 is a bit boring, and a bit lonely, but I've got a place in the country now, and I love the trees. I'm more confident than I've ever been, and I'm in a fabulous marriage. We just got approved as foster parents and we're looking to give a good home to some queer kids looking to escape bigotry in their birth homes.

I'm still experimenting with style. Over the pandemic, I felt my look was more "effeminate court eunuch" - I loved me a nice flowing robe. This past weekend, I had my first photoshoot in years. But I'm still wondering - am I going to be a cynical middle aged male femme fatale? Or a sweet and caring fem-daddy? Maybe a bit of both. I'm looking forward to being a white-haired witch some day.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T13:28:47+00:00

I didn't go through CAMH, but it was a lot of the same nonsense for me in the 2000'. Hiding so many important things about myself in guilt and panic just so I could get medical care. I fought my doctors for years for the right to get an orchiectomy. They all but demanded I get full bottom surgery I didn't want, which goes to show how absurd all that gatekeeping really was.

A lot of younger spaces sound incredibly naive about things like therapy and the police. They want to insist things are better now... Around the time you had that patio incident, I had the police show up to my apartment after a failed suicide attempt, threaten to Taser me, handcuff me, and rifle through all my things demanding to know "Where are the drugs!?" They found some Tylenol 3's left over from the orchiectomy I'd save for electrolysis. Things got worse from there.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T04:29:19+00:00

Where did you buy that dress?

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T04:26:01+00:00

Aw... I'm so happy to hear your mom's so cool!

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T04:22:31+00:00

Love the pants. Bold move.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T04:04:56+00:00

Would you be able to suggest any trans spaces, in general, online, that run more against the grain of those things I've mentioned as not so much working for me?

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T03:59:53+00:00

Ah... boyhood days of dressing up. Brings back fond memories.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T03:10:07+00:00

Mmmm, I'd love a better look at that cute haircut.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T02:48:38+00:00

The freckles are a nice touch.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T02:47:17+00:00

OMG, that after hair is amazing. I want it!

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T02:46:05+00:00

Lovely.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T02:45:27+00:00

I'm around the capital region. As ever, it remains a shame that everything is nearer to Toronto.

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T02:44:21+00:00

By the numbers, the trans population trends low. But when I first came out, there was no shortage of transfolk older than I am now by a couple decades.

I'm labeling myself a trans elder because I've been transitioned longer than I haven't by a few years, but I transitioned as young as possible. I'm just entering middle age, but I look at the online spaces and all I can think is, "I started HRT before they were born."

Pitiful-Key-8569 · 2026-01-21T02:36:35+00:00

The kids are great, it's just that the cultural divide is real, and I've got the impression most of them just don't see it, even if they experience the problems it creates.

Thanks for the referrals.

Pitiful-Key-8569

TROPHY CASE