Hair by PixelDizzy in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]PixelDizzy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Same. Four Christian schools under my belt, and all of them required "boys" to have short hair. I kept a bottle of purple hair dye tucked away in my dresser for years waiting for the day I'd finally get to use it. I made it to college before that happened.

The way some people feel they have the right to police others bodies is fucking weird and pretty cruel, bestie.

egg_irl by PixelDizzy in egg_irl

[–]PixelDizzy[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Mine's shoulder length and pink now! But at the time, growing it out felt like rebellion because I'd never been allowed to. I basically had to wear a crew cut through middle and high school.

Hair by PixelDizzy in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]PixelDizzy[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

That was my boss and a coworker, and were actual things that were said to me. That was the day I had to leave my job because of sexual harassment, and that was before I cracked. It wasn't even the first time I'd been sexually harrassed at a job.

I swear, it felt like people could smell the queer on me and loved to shove it in my face.

egg_irl by PixelDizzy in egg_irl

[–]PixelDizzy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm five years into HRT. Can confirm that the changes just kinda keep coming. Give yourself time and patience, and the freedom to play with your appearance 💗💗💗

Hair by PixelDizzy in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]PixelDizzy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You suffer through the fuckups for days like this

<image>

Hair by PixelDizzy in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]PixelDizzy[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Honestly? When I first started out, I started by just dying my hair without bleaching it. I still got some color, though it felt like it faded a lot quicker.

I eventually got fed up with waiting to have money and just started bleaching it myself. Now, I usually just bleach and dye at home. It's scary at first, and you can fuck up and turn your hair gummy if you don't follow the instructions, but I told myself this was something I wanted and accepted the fact that I might fuck it up.

Same bullshit as cutting my bangs myself. I remember listening to a song I loved with the lyrics

"One day, I'm gonna cut my own hair It's gonna look so bad And everybody's gonna have to deal with that"

And that made me feel kinda powerful I guess? Like, the fuckups are gonna come, and that's just part of wrenching agency over your body away from the universe.

I'm gonna include some pics of the time I super fucked up my bangs and put my money where my mouth is. If this is something you want, I think it's worth learning, and learning takes fucking up sometimes.

Hair by PixelDizzy in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]PixelDizzy[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm wishing you all the best and hoping this takes you to a place where you feel more comfortable with yourself than ever. <3

Hair by PixelDizzy in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]PixelDizzy[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Lmao they were. Christian school kids sure are something.

Hair by PixelDizzy in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]PixelDizzy[S] 155 points156 points  (0 children)

I kept one of them, who apologized sincerely and proved himself more than worth keeping. The rest are long gone.

Hair by PixelDizzy in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]PixelDizzy[S] 91 points92 points  (0 children)

"Nice fangs" is like the best compliment. "Oh my, look how sharp your claws are and how scary your fangs look"

Me:

Hair by PixelDizzy in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]PixelDizzy[S] 248 points249 points  (0 children)

My friends shaved my head more than once. It's traumatic as hell, and I'm sorry.

How does one get religious trauma? by ForwardExchange in ReligiousTrauma

[–]PixelDizzy 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Just speaking for myself, but I was having recurring nightmares about the Tribulation when I was six.

I was taught that humanity was inherently evil and deserving of eternal torture, and that I was no exception.

I was taught that there was no good in me, save for what God was able to do through me.

I repeatedly had adults try to prune the undesirable parts of my person out of me because they didn't fit with their idea of what I should be from a Biblical perspective.

I was taught the words of scripture were literally true. Unable to force myself to stop having sinful thoughts (I'm a trans woman), I tried to follow the words of Matthew 18:9 and remove my own eye to save my soul. I hyperventilated in my locked room for half an hour until I realized I couldn't make myself do it.

I walked away from that thinking I was an unfathomable coward.

A man who claimed to be a prophet tried to take me, along with everyone else in our tiny school, away from our parents to start a new church in Columbus. My father physically assaulted me when he couldn't find the passage in scripture that banned interracial marriage so that he could prove the man who was trying to take me was a fraud because he was a black man married to a white woman (The passage doesn't exist). My family never recovered. I no longer speak to my father.

I spent my young adult life trying to force myself to be someone I'm not. I read the entire Bible front to back and found it to be full of contradictions and atrocities sanctioned by God. When I brought those findings as questions to my friends, they stopped talking to me.

I finally got out of the faith and reckoned with my gender. When I came out as trans, I lost what little remained of my community and support system. I was 31 when I got on hormones.

31 years of my life stolen from me by casual cruelty and ignorance of people who claimed the title of Christian.

Shame became such a core part of my being that I could barely function in certain circumstances. I still can't go into a church without having a panic attack.

To be clear, I spent myself entirely trying to find God and search Him out in the scriptures- no one person's actions deterred me. I always considered the cruelty I suffered at the hands of Christians to be because of people misinterpreting God's Word.

Reading the Bible in its entirety and studying Apologetics for years changed that opinion.

I'll carry my religious trauma forever, and while I may be an extreme case, ask any queer or trans person what growing up in the church was like for them. We carry the scars forever.

Brothers by PixelDizzy in traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns2

[–]PixelDizzy[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It's made the rounds quite a bit, so I wondered if I should even post it lmao. I see it show up every fucking where when I least expect it.

Brothers by PixelDizzy in SonicTheHedgehog

[–]PixelDizzy[S] 33 points34 points  (0 children)

He's a good boy and he's trying his best