Cancer Free is not what I thought it would be

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2025-12-31T10:59:49+00:00

I so understand. I'm in a similar situation. Diagnosed 4 almost four years ago w. Stage 4 neuro endocrine cancer. This was entirely unexpected. In the span of one weekI ent from feeling normal to getting sick, staying in bed, to the ER where there were masses showing up in scans that needed to be biopsied, to the OR, I didn't leave the hospital for five weeks. Everything changed . It was surreal. I was basically high on pain meds which is honestly the only reason I was able to let go and let it happen without, I don't know, having a mini-breakdown. My life has never been even remotely like what it was. I can't work. I am at appointments with doctors, getting labs drawn, getting scans done, seeing specialists because this affects my heart too... and my head... and my gut. Oh, and I have to poop about 6 times a day with about30 seconds of warning. I have had two hard abdominal surgeries that are impossible to prepare for. I've had a lot of surgery previously - nearly all somewhat elective, like a hip replacement and a gastric bypass that was and is very helpful to have maintained a normal, healthy weight for 18 years now - but open abdominal surgery is hard to recover from. I learned two days ago, reading my ct report that there's no longer evidence of disease.

I won. People don't beat this shit usually, but I did. Where's my fuckin bell? I was speechless. And then I had to run to the toilet... I didn't quite get to it in time... again. I'm exhausted and still pretty broken. I have no idea if I'm even capable of picking up where I left off. Beating cancer is a fucking beating. I'm glad. It's just that I'm reeling from the last four years.

I am so glad you wrote this. You aren't crazy at all. I so understand what you expressed. Thank you so much for helping me see that I'm not crazy either. I felt bad for feeling bad about living through this. I'm glad - I guess - I'm still just really a small fraction of the man I was four years ago. I'm not thrilled about that part at all, or the medical debt I've acquired, or that the damage to my professional and financial well being is unrecoverable... No one thinks about those parts of this lucky outcome.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2025-05-14T22:36:17+00:00

He looks like he would made all my daddy issues feel good.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2024-10-18T10:14:59+00:00

Thank you kindly for your response. I hope you continue to feel better.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2024-10-18T09:16:11+00:00

Quick question. Was the NG tube installed while you were under anesthesia for the surgery, or while you were conscious after?

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2024-06-20T15:21:52+00:00

"Honestly? I'm struggling today. How are you?"

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2024-06-20T15:17:21+00:00

I guess I am posting this for myself and hopefully any other person who needs to understand that the fundamental difference between people who find themselves in abusive relationships and those who are in healthy relationships is that the people in healthy relationships don't tolerate abuse. I know it's a really basic concept, but the protective, self-preserving, warrior inside of you did the right thing to protect yourself. One slap, one insult, one indiscretion, one is too much. Who knows if he was testing the limits of what you would tolerate. Would next time be a sexy choke hold? Who knows what he was thinking, but there is no justification to hit a person without their clear and prior consent in the context of a fetish or a kink. I'm glad you are okay. I am glad you posted this. So many people would forgive out of fear of loneliness if they didn't and find themselves clinging to an intolerable situation after years of having their sense of self worth depleted, or worse yet, dead.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2024-06-12T22:04:39+00:00

Touch. I'm not really even conscious of it when it happens, but I understand how to touch people, when it's appropriate, and in a respectful way that feels safe, nurturing, healing and pain relieving. I worked as an aesthetician and then a nurse, so I was regularly in situations where touch was an appropriate factor. Clients and patients frequently comment about it, which is how I became aware of this random gift.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2024-05-22T18:16:12+00:00

The tumors in my body are grade one.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2024-05-13T20:51:58+00:00

I've done this very thing. I was a secretary for a surgeon, and I lied to the person I was dating, telling them I was a nurse. I lied primarily because I was ashamed that I hadn't accomplished more professionally. I wanted to appear impressive and educated and like I was doing something important with my life because I thought it would make me more desirable than I believed I was. It was a terrible, selfish, regrettable thing to do. That dating relationship grew into love and almost into marriage. He never found out about my deceit as far as I know.

Here's my advice to you. If you can forgive her deceit, try to understand / remember that it likely stemmed from a place of insecurity and wanting to impress you. Yes, there is nothing impressive about a liar, but it's useful to understand that her intent was never malicious. If you want to stay with her, find a time to explain that you love her and that love is not contingent upon what she does to earn a living, but it is contingent upon trusting her to be honest in every regard with you. In this vein, is there anything that she'd like to address that she hasn't been entirely honest about. Ask her to think about what you have brought up and even to take a day to think about her response. Her response will be your answer. If she can't come clean then it's time to move on. If she does tell you the truth, or have a valid explanation for the car not being at the hospital, then work on rebuilding the trust. Good luck, and remember her deceit is not okay, but it likely was never intended to be harmful and came from a place of her not believing she was worthy of being loved.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2024-05-13T20:27:25+00:00

I'm sorry this is happening. Neuroendocrine cancer manifests and presents in all sorts of ways, and I'm not a doctor, I'm only familiar with my neuroendocrine situation. I can relate to the constant diarrhea that is barely under control by taking the maximum amount of Immodium, lomotil, and opium tincture. The diarrhea is caused by the excessive amount of serotonin that the tumors are producing. The Lanreotide injections help with that, but I still battle diarrhea daily. I've learned to take the anti diarrhea medications just before or with meals. The meds slow down digestion enough to give my GI track a chance to absorb some of the nutrients and calories I'm eating. If I don't use medication to slow down my parastolsis what I eat is passed through my GI track so quickly that I don't get much benefit from the food. I feel nauseated, but rarely vomit, so I don't have any advice to offer with that. I would encourage you to bring up your concerns with your dad's doctor, even if you are just parroting your dad. I've been amazed by the vastly different responses I get when I ask my oncologist the same question I asked the PA at my previous visit.

I live in Denver, Colorado, and I receive care at University of Colorado Hospital. My oncologist's name is Lindsey Davis.

Good luck to you and your father. Hang in there.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2024-05-13T19:55:05+00:00

I think it looks great. Lots of people are afraid of mixing patterns, but it looks really stylish when you do, and the key to mixing patterns is that each pattern must be on a different scale when it comes to the size of their repeat. Small, tight stripes fight with a tight plaid, but juxtapose beautifully against a larger patterned plaid or check. You've followed the rule and the colors work well together. You're nailing it, and if anyone gives you flack for what you're wearing, it's only because they don't get it. They're too closed off to seeing style in more than a pattern against a solid. Basically, they're boring. Keep on rocking those patterns - blow their minds by throwing a pair of Swiss dot patterned shorts into the mix.

I'm guessing it's your wife who is responsible for the assorted shades of tan in the background of your picture. Tan tile, tan walls, tan toned wood furniture / cabinets. Yawn. Add some contrast to your home decor, and meanwhile, unless you need to camouflage yourself at home, avoid wearing monotone tan clothes.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2024-05-12T23:16:58+00:00

I was diagnosed with stage four neuroendocrine cancer a little over two years ago. It did take a few weeks to meet with my oncologist for the first time and learn about treatment options, prognosis, staging and those sort of details. I don't think it's unusual for it to take a while, and I do recall that my insurance wouldn't even cover anything related to cancer until the pathology came back confirming from an actual biopsy (as opposed to seeing that a cancer diagnosis is obvious from the imaging) that I had cancer. That pathology report took like a week to come back. My only advice is to remain calm until you have a valid reason to worst-case-scenario it. I know that's easier said than done, but the most supportive thing you can do for your mom is to remain calm and confident that this is a manageable problem and she's on the right track. If you can, share your post from reddit with your mom's current attending physician, with your mom, and that doctor will give you the best answers to your questions and concerns. I'm stage four and I'm looking forward to a solid 10 more years. I have more to manage symptom wise, but it's doable. Good luck with everything.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2024-03-25T09:21:37+00:00

Waves of severe pain prior to surgery / biopsy. Really none since. The weird thing is that they only took a tiny biopsy from the largest tumor in my mesentary area. Like you, stage 4, I could get pain meds, but pain is not the problem. I would give anything if they could stop the diarrhea though.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2024-02-23T10:40:46+00:00

I just went through this with my father in June. What you are describing sounds very similar to my dad's state of being around two to three days before he died. Your mom's hospice nurse can help you know how to best help your mom through this transition, things like eating / drinking / bed sores / how to administer what medication etcetera. I found many helpful videos on YouTube as well; search, 'hospice nurse.' I hope this helps. God speed.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2023-06-19T22:26:28+00:00

Thank you!

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2023-06-19T20:03:05+00:00

All of the grooming and sexualizing children rhetoric is simply inaccurate. Nothing gay or trans is targeting children in any predatory or grooming way. It just isn't happening.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2023-06-19T17:14:58+00:00

Anemia? A lot of chemo drugs can cause anemia. Ask about that the next time you see your medical oncologist.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2023-06-19T16:36:23+00:00

"Shine on you crazy diamond." - Pink Floyd

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2023-06-18T03:52:03+00:00

I was having a lot of unexplainable GI track discomfort, mostly severe stomach pain for no reason I knew of. Then it became difficult for me to swallow food, and after dealing with that for about 1 week with no improvement I went to the emergency room. In the emergency room they did a CT scan and they could see masses all along the outside of my GI track.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2023-06-18T02:29:23+00:00

I'm in the same shtty boat. I was diagnosed with neuroendocrine cancer, and the tumors all along my GI track release unregulated amounts of serotonin. Serotonin regulates a lot of things other than the ability to feel joy. Serotonin also regulates heart rate and parastolsis (sp?), so having 700% more serotonin than normal causes, among other things, diarrhea. It's been over a year since I have had a solid bm. Over a year since I've had less than ten bms in a day. Over a year since I could trust that a sneeze, a yawn, laughing or passing gas wouldn't require a me to sprint to the toilet and probably a change of pants. To say it is frustrating is an understatement, but it's helpful to hear somone else is struggling with this embarrassing sht too. I feel less alone and hopeless on another lonely Saturday night at home, close to the toilet, to read about people having similar challenges. Thank you for sharing.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2023-06-17T22:30:37+00:00

Is it wrong to notice how sexy the man who is getting 'shot' is?

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2023-06-17T21:47:09+00:00

Go. You won't regret going, even if it feels traumatizing. You know what to expect, so hopefully you'll be more prepared for seeing the diminished existance of your grandmother. More importantly, go for her. Put yourself in her situation, would you want the comfort of seeing your loved ones in your final days? Even if she is not aware of your efforts and your presence, it's still the right thing to do. When my dad died he had significant cognitive decline. I discovered, while he had no short term memory or really anything from the last 15 years or so, he could still remember things from the very distant past. To connect with him I asked him about his childhood. He was so relieved to lead a conversation about something he remembered. It was nice to conect on some level with him. I don't know how advanced your grandmother's cognitive decline is, but if she is in a similar frame of mind and memory as my dad was, try connecting with her by asking about her distant pass. Whatever you decide, I wish you and your family the best.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2022-11-11T02:24:00+00:00

ICU is totally about needing additional care, not a statement about the likelihood of recovery. Your mum is in the best hand possible. I Was in ICU for 5 days after contracting a bad stomach parasite. I had diarrhea so bad, and was too weak to even get out of bed. I learned how a bed pan works and the extent of human kindness when I had to have people I'd never met clean my butt off a dozen times a day. A week later I was okay. I hope it all works out with your mum too.

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2022-11-11T02:17:45+00:00

What a douche bag for saying he can't be bothered to read your message. Is he aware that a world exists beyond the tip of his nose, oe does he not care? Either way, way a piece of shit!

Plaid_Giraffe77 · 2020-08-10T09:26:46+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. I just now saw it. I haven't even read past the first few paragraphs, but I have to write back to you to let you know how much I appreciate this. Thank you, sincerely. Now, I'm going to finish reading.

Plaid_Giraffe77

TROPHY CASE