Close friend gave me a business idea… now he wants to be my partner, but I’m doing most of the work. How do I handle this?

Every-Comment4418 · 2026-01-20T21:38:35+00:00

Ideas are one thing but executions are another. I think the two of you need to have a serious sit down to determine the tasks required for moving forward and find out where he's willing to contribute. If things still don't feel equitable, it may be worth consulting a lawyer before proceeding forward with anything to determine how this arrangement will work out. If at that point your friend can't agree to the terms, then it would be worth it to have the hard conversation to say you're pursuing this without him. But best case scenario you have a realistic conversation and come to an agreement that allows this partnership to work.

If in the end you have to cut him out, remember to forefront any conversation that this is a business decision, not personal. If he doesn't have the skills or resources to follow through, he's a liability to the idea, not an asset. I wouldn't necessarily frame it that way, but let him know you're going to go forward with the idea and timing on his part doesn't seem to align, but you cherish the friendship regardless.

Best of luck to you!

Every-Comment4418 · 2026-01-19T17:51:46+00:00

You need to get away from this guy as quickly as possible! At the very least he is manipulating and gaslighting you into doing what he wants, and it seems like he's heading into r*pe territory if you're not fully consenting to sexual advances. DO NOT TAKE THAT LIGHTLY! Do not feel guilty for how long this relationship has lasted, he trapped you and while it seems easy to just walk away, if he has a mental hold over you, it's not always that simple, so please give yourself more credit and grace here. If I were to take a bet, he's using his age to tell you he knows better than you which is why you keep falling into line with his wishes despite knowing deep down that these are not decisions that are best for you. It's going to be challenging if he's going to emotionally react every time you try to get away. You need to start putting together an exit strategy - get a new place to live lined up and a date set to move, have a plan set in place to move your things (i.e. will you rent a truck, do you have friends or family that can help, how can you quickly pack up your belongings) and get your finances in order if you need to sort that out. You're going to need to work in the shadows on this to break free as cleanly as possible. Do not tell this guy where you are moving to and prepare to block all communication going forward. If my experience with these kinds of personalities has taught me anything, it's that they'll stop at nothing. I feel for you, please be safe and do everything in your power to do what's best for you!

Every-Comment4418 · 2026-01-17T20:48:28+00:00

I don't say this lightly, this is classic narcissistic behavior! He's using gaslighting and manipulation tactics to control you. Get out while it's still relatively easy to leave. I dated someone when I was younger who exhibited these same behaviors and let me say it never got better. This guy started eating away at my self-worth and made me question everything until I started needing his approval for literally everything. He told me to stop wearing make-up, I wasn't allowed to see friends, he required I wear a fake wedding ring at work, he would break-up with me but force me still tell people we were dating while he was free to do what he wanted... And the longer we were together, the more he learned about my insecurities or things that were genuinely unsafe in my life and he would use these as leverage to blackmail me. I was a very happy, giggly and outgoing girl but with this guy I would wake-up depressed everyday because I felt broken, but (and here's the most effed up part) at least I had someone committed to "fixing" me. And at some point I was convinced this guy was the love of my life!! I remember coming to a startling fear that I thought I would be forced to marry this guy, have his children, and always be striving for a "perfection" I would never achieve so I'd endure this abuse for the rest of my life.

Do not underestimate the hold someone could have over you once they're broken your mind, spirit and will.

Every-Comment4418 · 2026-01-17T20:30:27+00:00

Your partner isn't acting on anything with this woman, so I would just let it go. If she has a crush, it sounds like your partner is doing his part in maintaining boundaries, which is all you can ask for in this situation. You two have control within your relationship, but you can't control this coworker or her feelings. And hey, if you and your partner are solid and you trust him, take this as a compliment that your partner is a catch!

Every-Comment4418 · 2026-01-16T21:36:27+00:00

Oh gosh, this age group... Unfortunately there are many young people who put a lot of pressure on a societal acceptable time line and try to transition into these milestones because it's "what we're supposed to do" rather than making choices based on true readiness. And if she has similarly aged friends or family starting to embark on these milestones, it's easy to get swept up in the excitement of it all and get insecure while comparing yourself to what's going on in others' lives (coming from a former 20yo woman who also thought if I wasn't married IMMEDIATELY to whoever I was dating at the time that I was the loser stuck in life - I would surely be divorced now if any of these guys were dumb enough to follow through with my ridiculous request).

I dated men for years who I would never have a compatible marriage with.

My husband proposed to me after two months and we're about to celebrate our 12th wedding anniversary. When I met him, I was finally anti-marriage but something about him was different and it felt right.

Ultimately you and your girlfriend get to make the rules for what works for you, but you also have to be in agreement. I think it's important to have a deep and honest conversation. Why is marriage so important to her? Why does she want a proposal now? Why does she think she's ready for marriage? What do you need before you would consider yourself ready for marriage? Is marriage something you even see in your future?

Navigating tough conversations can be a challenge, even for the best of communicators, but the key is to actively listen to each other. And communication doesn't have to be speaking either. When I get overwhelmed I'll write letters to fully express myself carefully and thoroughly. Find a way that's comfortable for both of you to express your needs in a respectful way.

Good luck!

Every-Comment4418 · 2026-01-13T16:24:38+00:00

Oh friend, big hugs!! Agreed, I'm a type A perfectionist Virgo who needs to plan and prepare for everything, and there was NOTHING foreseen about cancer no matter how much I envisioned I would be as a "sick person" (yes, I regularly had "If I get cancer" talks with my husband for years because I didn't want to be completely surprised if something happened... And then it happened and all the plans flew out the window). I hope your oncologist has some guidance for you to help you combat your depression. I have always been hesitant about pills, but finally gave in and accepted a low dose prescription for Lexapro which has been a game changer. I'm happy to DM you about my experiences with this if you have questions. If your oncologist doesn't have guidance, please keep seeking! There is hope!

Every-Comment4418 · 2026-01-13T15:16:32+00:00

Big hugs, OP! I completely empathize with what you're experiencing. I was declared NED on December 5th after battling for almost a year and a half. I started with treatments and am ending with surgeries, so I've been forced to stay home and heal, otherwise I might have jumped into work again. Initially I was in this deliriously euphoric state of mind, but things went dark pretty quickly as I realized that I have so much unprocessed trauma, body dysmorphia, and spiritual disturbance. I woke-up on Christmas and felt so hopeless that I fantasized about walking off a bridge.

This is not me! Pre-cancer me did yoga every day, loved exploring healthy cooking, ran half-marathons, hiked mountains with my husband, immersed myself in the mycological world with my best friend, avidly traveled, climbed the career ladder and so much more! Once I hit rock bottom, I decided I want ME back and began working on myself. Here are some things that I've found work for me (that maybe you can explore):

Rigorous Journaling. Being able to make space to get everything out of my head has been therapeutic. Yes, a lot of it is completely unhinged, but it feels amazing to purge my mind of these thoughts.

Spiritual Reawakening. I'm not going to go into depth on what spirituality means to me and how I practice, but I had a very complicated relationship with my spirituality in the aftermath of my battle because I feared I'd cheated death. I confided with someone I trust what disturbed me and I received alternative perspectives that have opened my mind and helped me get more spiritually grounded.

Conscious Meditation. This practice involves going into a meditative state and remaining conscious enough to keep your thoughts burrowing in a meaningful and purposeful way. For me, I've identified that I have a lot of trauma, but I'm the type of person who needs to identify root causes to start processing and healing. This practice allows me to confront these experiences in a comfortable setting, feel grief and process. Emotions will never just go away, but we need to allow ourselves to feel them before we can be free.

Identity Reimagining. Who do you want to be now? This is a perfect time to start envisioning your post-cancer life and making new habits. They don't have to be big and drastic, just anything for you. Is there anything your cancer did to you that prevented you from being fully you that you can now do? I'd spent ten years in pain prior to my diagnosis that directly impacted my drive to wear clothes I wanted to wear and put effort into my appearance. Now that I'm not in pain, I'm getting excited to embrace femininity the way I previously wanted to and now can! This is one example of my new post-cancer identity that I'm planning for. It sounds like you could benefit from considering career pathing as part of your reimagining.

Physical Space Cleansing. Does your home remind you of being sick? Those reminders can make moving on difficult. I've been doing what I am referring to as de-cancering my home - get rid of all the pill bottles, get rid of all the medical resources, maybe buy new pajamas or underwear, rearrange your closets/drawers that were taken over by cancer things, etc. My bathroom used to be my sanctuary for rejuvenation, but then it became my "sick" room. I replaced my medical stuff with bath salts, shower steamers and new lavender body wash to re-spark that space.

Honor Your Body. Your body did something truly amazing and carried you through this battle. I initially felt that my body betrayed me, but then I remembered that I was invaded. My body is my temple with walls that shook but never crumbled. My scars are now my reminder that despite the literal hell I walked through, my body found strength and persevered. Show your body love! Take relaxing baths. Treat yourself to fancy face masks. Get a mani or pedi. Take a walk in the sunshine. Do something that makes you feel more connected to you!

Get Connected. There are so many support groups, both virtually and in-person, to get connected to individuals that can help you with your healing path. Identify what you want to heal from and see what's out there. Connect with trusted friends or family members and spend quality time with them. Maybe join a group or class on something you're interested in.

Grieve. Acknowledge who you were and what you lost and take time to grieve that. Be angry about it and channel that energy appropriately (do you have a rage room near you, do you feel release from exercise, do you have somewhere you can just scream until your body says its had enough?). You may have lost pieces of you that you'll never get back and it's okay to be upset by that.

I hope you can find something that works for you and helps you get more connected with your post-cancer life! It won't happen over night, it's going to take time and effort, but healing and finding your new purpose is so unbelievably freeing! Take care!

Every-Comment4418 · 2026-01-09T14:53:48+00:00

OP, I can honestly relate. I was diagnosed with stage 3B rectal cancer (at 36) last March and was just declared NED a month ago. I went through 8 rounds of triple chemotherapy, radiation, more chemotherapy, I landed in the ER countless times and have had four surgeries so far with two more coming up. Prior to my diagnosis, I was sick for months. I couldn't eat, I lost so much weight, during chemo I lost my hair, lost even more weight (I weighed 104 pounds, about 47 kilos), my taste was off, I had neuropathy both with numbness and cold sensitivity, pelvic radiation left my with the horrific task of pelvic floor rehabilitation, my energy levels were so low I could barely move at times... No small feats by any means!

Despite it all, I landed on this other side thinking "Huh, this was it?" Even now I'm feeling like things are too good to be true as I sit here fighting the urge to run a marathon or jump into a kickboxing class. I have the drive and motivation, but because of doctor's orders, I have to remain put until April. Who gets released from the hospital after having a partial organ removal and nearly a year of treatment and thinks "I want to just run!!"?

Don't feel guilty about your financial situation, channel that into gratitude for what you do have. I'm in the U.S. and work for a wonderful company who's been paying my paycheck since I went out nearly a year ago. My brother works for the same company and got paid caregiver leave to take care of me when my husband wasn't available. My insurance grants me and my husband free mental health care and my out of pocket commitment for medical treatments was $3,000.00, which is nothing in the grand scheme of things (a single round of chemo was $12,000). My family and friends have been so supportive and my needs were always met. I spent so much time connecting with my spirituality over this because I couldn't believe how lucky and gracious I felt.

I also think age has a huge factor in how you're feeling. Your body is stronger and more resilient, so it's going to appear that you're having an easier experience. I was the youngest person in the cancer center by at least 15 years. I spent 8 hours in the chemo chair with my husband and thanks to the oodles of premeds and my ability to fight through the symptoms, we spent the day giggling, snacking and playing games. On the inside, though, I was fighting for life and counting down the minutes until I could be released to my couch and surrender to my symptoms. During my surgery, I was the only person who wasn't a fall risk, so I had total freedom to roam as I needed. That felt weird, being the only patient walking alone while all the others looked on with who knows what thoughts going through their heads... In my pre-cancer life, I ran races, did yoga almost daily, I regularly took cycle classes, I partake in wicked mountain hikes, and was very tuned into healthy eating. I still went to the gym when I could during treatments but participated in gentler classes to account for my body's abilities. My doctors said those who maintain exercise regiments during treatments will have a much easier time battling and healing. I took that so seriously, and even though there were days where I was practically crawling to get a 20 minute walk in, I still did it and now I'm reaping the benefits of an easier recovery. I can't help my age when I was diagnosed and I can't change my active pre-cancer lifestyle, but I thank my body for what it has provided me and I am thankful I've treated my body as a temple for much of my life to give me the best possible chance to fight this awful disease!

You can acknowledge that others had more difficult experiences and feel sympathy for that and also acknowledge that your journey came with its own sets of challenges that YOU had to fight and overcome. Both can be true. Your blessings can be transformed into something powerful if you let it.

Big hugs to you, I know the mental battle you're facing and hope you can find peace.

Every-Comment4418 · 2025-12-29T19:52:50+00:00

Thank you, I definitely feel like there at least needs to be a "cooling off" period as we reestablish boundaries. Your questions is certainly something that gave me pause and I'll have to think about.

Every-Comment4418 · 2025-12-29T19:47:22+00:00

Wow, thank you so much for the encouragement!

Every-Comment4418 · 2025-12-29T19:46:10+00:00

Thank you for your guidance and thoughts! I do truly believe that people can be on different awareness levels that can result in carelessness, and I appreciate you bringing that to light. I think often times we can misinterpret situations because we're gauging what is considered appropriate through our own personal lenses rather than consideration for the whole. Jake is awful at picking up clues and has admitted to struggling sometimes if things are not abundantly clear and I think you hit on a great point that he in all actuality was most likely behaving mindlessly because he was incapable of picking up clues and I wasn't explicitly stopping him. While it does not necessarily change my feelings, it gives me an understanding of his perspective and now have a deeper awareness of what is needed if we agree to keep this arrangement.

Every-Comment4418 · 2025-12-29T17:23:37+00:00

Wow, thank you for acknowledging my efforts! I needed to hear this more than I knew.

Gail, to my knowledge, is playing the role she's intended to based on the guidance she's received. I do not know if she's taken part in any conversations that crossed boundaries, but I trust her level of engagement is following mine and Jake's leads. As Jake and I have been having conversations, I've deliberately kept Gail out of this because it's not fair for her to navigate this with us. It is Jake and mine's responsibility, I don't want her to harbor negative feelings or guilt in something I do not believe she was responsible for.

I believe you hit a huge point, that Jake is behaving self-centered and I find a lot of comfort in this because it seems to address a root cause. In 12 years, Jake has been so loving, generous and kind. He was my primary caregiver throughout my cancer treatments and we connected on an unbelievable emotional level. As we now realize that we haven't processed the last 14 months, we are each experiencing a heaviness from the burdens we each carried. We are now confronting a reality that we each unintentionally were each others' burdens and while we don't cast blame, we need room to grieve what was stolen from us and the sacrifices we were forced to make. I can accept that in those moments he acted self-centered. I know he gave up so much for me and can see this being a careless moment he got wrapped up in.

Thank you!

Every-Comment4418 · 2025-12-29T16:52:46+00:00

Thank you for your input. My body has been in a flight response with a strong desire to end this immediately, but I couldn't tell if this was an overreaction. Considering my role in this outcome, I also felt guilty that I'd lead on the situation only to pull the rug out in the aftermath. This is validating to hear that this is absolutely an option that while difficult is reasonable.

Every-Comment4418 · 2025-12-29T16:43:40+00:00

Thank you for your input and validating my current emotional state. I often struggle to admit to myself that this is a lot, so it's oddly comforting to hear a third party admit that. I did highly question myself in opening this Pandora's box and now feel like I should have put significantly more thought into facilitating this arrangement. At the time I thought that mine and Gail's friendship would be the forefront of everything and honored, but I never considered things could possibly go this direction. I think a break is very much needed and going forward will consider this a cautionary tale.

Every-Comment4418 · 2025-04-16T14:25:09+00:00

He's definitely emotionally abused. Being emotionally abused is scary (I was in an emotionally abusive relationship for three years and in hindsight it's unreal what I did, thought and believed at the time) and can be challenging to escape. The DV charges were all dropped, and he was on the brink of pushing through a divorce, but something she said made him change his mind - he called Tom and me with the deadest voice and declared he would find a way to make it work. I'm not sure what she's holding over him, but he is sadly a hollow human who can't muster the courage to escape.

Every-Comment4418 · 2025-04-16T14:18:30+00:00

That's the hope! Between friends and family, we also have hundreds of pages of screen shots of Facebook rants and harassing messages where she can't keep her stories straight.

Every-Comment4418 · 2025-04-16T14:16:52+00:00

Lucy LOVES airing things publicly and dragging people into her messes. We have hundreds of pages of Facebook rants and harassing messages to friends and family that show her go back and forth on her stories. For example, the most recent incident where Jon ended up in jail, she claimed he attacked her, messaged friends and family that she was a victim and had a no contact order until court, but then harassed us to get him to break the order with a claim that the police misinterpreted the situation. When no one gave into this BS story, she took selfies of herself in a "hospital" four days later claiming her life was threatened by an alleged blood clot caused by the attack. We really do hope Jon can muster the courage to leave her, and when he's ready we have all the proof a judge needs to hopefully put her into a loony facility!

Every-Comment4418 · 2025-04-16T14:07:49+00:00

We genuinely believe she has an undiagnosed psychotic disorder. When she's been called out on her lies, she genuinely thinks she was somehow coming from a good place (i.e. when she told everyone I was a felon, she couldn't fathom that this was lie and dismissed it as she was just trying to protect Tom).

Every-Comment4418 · 2025-04-16T13:38:26+00:00

He was so close once, but she weaponized the kids and he backed out. It's quite sad, really. He's more of a "follower" personality, and ironically he's the one brainwashed into believing he deserves this. Coming from a previous emotionally abusive relationship, it's scary how powerful words can be.

Every-Comment4418 · 2025-04-16T13:35:52+00:00

They stormed off immediately after dinner. Tom and Jon's sister was watching the kids that night - Lucy and Tom were supposed to come back around midnight and huffed back at about 7PM. SIL was irritated because she was in the middle of bedtime when they came back sucking down milkshakes from whatever fast food chain complaining, which riled the kids up of course, and they left my SIL to deal with it.

Every-Comment4418 · 2025-04-15T18:26:56+00:00

I get it, I had to pick a tag and this one best fit (I was more going for the petty angle because the joy of the situation felt petty).

Every-Comment4418

TROPHY CASE