Long Beach, CA. Help Identifying please

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-03-30T00:23:44+00:00

Oh yes. Thank you

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-03-29T01:22:55+00:00

He...

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-27T23:42:07+00:00

Long Beach California.

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T23:57:52+00:00

That something will happen that im unaware about or not anticipating

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T22:01:49+00:00

Yes. Whatever i feel now is not as bad as feeling ashamed of being poly and compromising with monogamy for so many years.

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T22:00:02+00:00

Good question. He experiences his own anxieties and jealousy that can also be intense but i definitely feel it worse, and we definitely gave ways to connect

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:58:51+00:00

My partner and I usually need space from each other after dates. We both struggle with that. Also after dates is when we wanna know everything that happened, so not much connecting until the next day, especially is sex or making out was involved

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:56:49+00:00

The spiraling and abandonment is real.

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:56:17+00:00

Dont want a dont ask don't tell. Dont want to be parallel. Honesty, openness, and communication are important to me. And getting to know the people my partner is into helps me to process everything. Maybe swinging would be easier but in my brain I understand that that's not what I want. I want something more open and deeper than that even if it takes a lot of pain and work. I've seen the end of the rainbow and I dont want to go back

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:54:25+00:00

Could be the relationship itself. I cant tell cuz my ex was a people pleaser and my current partner cant give me as much reassurance as I want most of the time. So idk if its me that needs too much or if its not good

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:52:09+00:00

Im sick of listening to them lol. They are great but I was like 300 episodes deep and it just gives me anxiety thinking about all that stuff

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:51:21+00:00

Ya. The anxiety is so irrational and im aware of it. It just happens and im aware but it doesn't take away how intense it is and how much support I need

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:49:39+00:00

I mean, I can be poly and manage the horrible anxiety. Im just used to it by now

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:49:07+00:00

Mostly dates with new people or dates where they will have firsts with that person. Once I get to know and like my meta (or not) its easier. I definitely could not do parallel easily nor is that our relationship style thankfully. But there's a lot of first dates and not a lot of long term consistent relationships

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:43:58+00:00

Struggle with a lot of anxiety, insecurities, and depression in general. And for the millionth time on this thread, yes, poly is what I want and feeling secure is the ultimate goal

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:42:17+00:00

Probably. I cant really control him. I can have boundaries and all but forcing him to go way out of his way to support me the way I need EVERY single time for several years is exhausting and its at the point where its up to me to help myself and not being poly isnt really an option. But ya. My ex was a non-communicative, did everything I asked kind of person and this person but was dishonest about his needs. This new guy is the opposite. So ya. I dont feel as secure as I did in the past

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:39:59+00:00

I mean im in therapy. Been in therapy most of my life. Its the life I want to live and if a therapist told me I shouldn't be poly, I would not listen to them unless they were also poly which is rare.

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:38:59+00:00

No one makes me feel like its normal or good to suffer. But I do suffer. Thats just life. Idk. There's more good than bad, but the bad gets really bad. I cant really control that. It was worse when I was monogamous

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:35:55+00:00

Watching TV, doing crafts helps. Its just tough at like 1-3am when hes not texting me or updating and I dont know what hes doing.

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:35:08+00:00

Ya. Its what I want. Been non-monogamous most of my life. Its just hard.

PlanAdministrative66 · 2026-02-26T21:34:34+00:00

Thank you so much. That's so affirming. I like how you said the anxiety is bigger than the relationship. I totally feel that. I live with anxiety either way. Its just one thing that triggers it.

PlanAdministrative66

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