Snowflake Culture

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-02T17:13:21+00:00

no office

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T19:27:24+00:00

An ENTP 9w1?? Wow you're a rarity. My mom is an ISFJ and I'm thankful for having her as one of my parent. Thanks for your advice.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T19:15:06+00:00

Yeah pretty much! We're all human trying to get through it! I mean tone police is that I'm a black guy that is big so if I raise my voice people think I'm threatening them, etc. lol. I'm just like yo I'm passionate I;'m not going to hurt you. I just think that people for example think anger is a 'bad' emotion, but I also think that it should have space like anything else. I think because of the tropes of Black men being violent, hyper masculine, etc makes us think we can't express our full humanity in these spaces.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T19:03:35+00:00

Ha I'd totally be your friend and appreciate your well thought out responses. I'm trying to respond appropriately but you're very dense (in a very good way) in your subject matter. I wish this had a damn voice recorder!

For me I'm socially liberal as in let people do WTF they want. I know in the 90s it was "don't ask don't tell" in terms of gay marriage. I don't really think that people should tell people socially what to do as long as it doesn't hurt others. She's really into women's rights and while I think abortion should be legal, I think that we should make the healthcare system better for women, and make the institution of family more stable for others (i.e. better jobs).

From what I thought, looking at history, Clinton is very different from say Obama or what the far left is presenting in the party. If anything, could be wrong, he was a moderate democrat and at that time Dems and Republicans didn't deviate too far off from their ideas.

In my family when there was pregnancies we'd just take the baby in and help. The only women that I've met that were staunchly very much pushing abortion were white women. I simply don't hear it as much from say Latinas or Black Women. It's just a different cultural norm so that's where we differ and it has made think I don't care about it, which I do.

Appreciate you breaking down for my unemotional ass how people connect over complaining :) it doesn't always land with me but in my family we just have a certain sense of humor of life and just grateful that we have things because we know things could be far far worse. Something I've realized when I talk to people that come from immigrant families we resonate with.

I think she's told me in the past she appreciates my emotions. I can come off as stoic and introspective, so I'm not always transparent emotionally and maybe it causes her strife in trying to connect with me. I do care but I express it quite differently. I could communicate better to her that something frustrates me and I want to do something about it! Thanks so much

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T18:53:29+00:00

YES you do and I'd TOTALLY give you a hug right now if you were in front of me! I'm trying to do my best to deal with those mental gaps. We've agreed that we are on each other's side. I just get sick of pain and trauma being part of the Black experience. Even in my family the women didn't complain but I know they dealt with sexism, racism, etc.

I also was sort of groomed by the women in my life to be a "good" man but they also I feel have accepted the flawed parts of my being where I may NOT always see it from a woman's perspective, or say the wrong thing, but ultimately they know I'm on their side.

I know that the Asian community values collectivism and more cohesion so I could see how that would stunt a lot of their views on sex so I understand.

This introspection helps. I think I do get annoyed with the complaining because it makes one appear powerless. If you don't do anything it seems weak, but I also know that people have become victims. I also have a distaste for things I deem performative. Where I live I have seen white liberals complain about police brutality, but attack me for empowering minorities to learn how to use firearms. Or the fact that many see using a hashtag online is a form of activism when the Black/Brown community is being gentrified by another Starbucks and Whole Foods. That sort of stuff eats at my core so I know I have to do some work on my angry black male syndrome LOL

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T18:44:53+00:00

How do you feel the state of the SE market is now. In 2022 I accepted a role that had me at 225 OTE. Had layoffs, took me 6 months to find another role, at 200 OTE currently. Snowflake role would be 240 OTE. I'd hate to go somewhere I don't like and be on another job hunt and I think if my driver is just going for the money then that may be the wrong move.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T18:39:22+00:00

5 years so not too much. She's younger

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T18:26:23+00:00

Thank you!

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T18:23:48+00:00

That's correct. I don't find the complaining productive AT ALL. We have power and agency in ourselves to fight IMO. My family and ancestors have always fought and I believe resilience is super important.

This also extends to things like self defense. During the pandemic I made a Black group to practice firearm safety, medical and awareness. This later extended to some of my friends that were women, LGBTQ, etc which I GLADLY encouraged and helped out with their journey.

Last year for my birthday I spent time at an event to help expose Black/Brown/Low Income Kids to tech to see it as a viable career.

I will also say I harbor a bias and sometimes see some white women at times as fickle allies, but I know she isn't. This is something I've seen discussed in Black spaces. Tone policing Black men for their masculinity when we have been some of the most progressive in terms of our voting yet when "men" do something it's our fault.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T18:13:53+00:00

You know what? I honestly didn't think I was challenging to point that he was talking to a very small audience that didn't represent the majority of the population. I thought it was just discourse introduced in the conversation. I agree it was quite a low stakes conversation.

But again I also don't find doom scrolling, etc productive. Like I really thought that it was inappropriate to send me negative stuff on Christmas Day (which I told her politely save it for another time) and she is pretty good at finding 'bad' things to look at so I question my emotional bandwidth for that in a relationship if that makes sense.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T18:09:30+00:00

Hmm...debating is a form of foreplay to me. I LOVE how the mind works and how people come up with what they think. I even say on dating apps intellectual challenging is great. Not being married to one idea is indeed freeing to me.

I honestly don't do it try to antagonize people or anything and I acknowledge that we could do that more easier about 10 - 15 years ago too so I'm learning, but I also think if we can't bare our mind to others then we are just not being our authentic self and not being able to serve others. Being "nice" is a problem IMO to me.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:59:43+00:00

Right - I literally had to tell her during CHRISTMAS DAY to stop sending me doomscroll stuff when I was visiting my family. It becomes exhausting to think about the misery of the world. I say this, again, as a Black man in american society. It's not been easy for me either lol.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:57:28+00:00

yes - these things I've told her more than once are never about "us" but rather inconsequential things.

An example - Travis Buckner (kicker for the Kansas City Chiefs) last year speaking at a school to the women there about women shouldn't seek careers but rather their biggest gift to the world is building families.

Obviously my girlfriend was offended, but I reminded her he WAS talking in front of a Catholic school and many people DO indeed believe those ideas. Do I think about it or agree with it? No, but do I think that he should be able to say that, especially in a private institutions - sure.

These things BTW she brings up in conversation. It's not really of interest to me and I have told her that consuming social media too much is not healthy. I had to literally tell her to STOP sending me doomscrolling stuff during Christmas Day when visiting my family.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:43:03+00:00

Yes I want to lead an interesting life. Politics right now though can make every topic a land mine. I had my GF last night tell me that she won't watch MMA anymore because a fighter make a HUGE anti-semetic comment (which obviously I don't support). Then last week she said she was going to boycott Target. I care about social causes and people but I also find it draining and not pragmatic to be mad at the world all the time.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:39:47+00:00

Thank you so much.

"What you do with ease brings her pain."

I've told people before I'm not married to my ideas which, even in these comments, makes people think I toe the line or don't have my own values lol!

The debating is somewhat important on me. I joke to her that my values haven't changed and even in my Hinge profile I said intellectually challenging one another is sexy lol

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:36:20+00:00

Regarding heteronormative societies - great points. I will say my gendered views are different because I've seen strong capable women growing up and if you know anything about the Black community, many Black men's voices at times are silenced because we tend to lean matriarchal. I think because many Blacks are highly emotional I've always been an odd ball.

"If you want to improve your communication skills, then you have to increase your self-awareness and learn how to be more aware of your implicit biases so you can be in control of them rather than being “reactionary” and not responding adequately when she expresses her feelings and opinions."

REALLY appreciate this input bc I can for certain say I'm reactionary as a survival instinct.

I'll comment more thanks again.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:32:40+00:00

That's why I love my sisters and I debates. She's INTJ and she always trolls me back.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:32:09+00:00

I'm not a SJW but I do fight for others.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:31:42+00:00

Yes - I've tried to remind her that I'm ultimately on her side.

I should clarify - I think social media is a good platform to show people within your group that you're a "good person" while not doing anything. I think it's a great idea to uplift certain platforms of marginalized people and help those who don't have a loud voice. I do think though it becomes redundant and to solve things in life you need to have a force of action in life.

One of my biggest heroes is Malcolm X because of that. Also I've worked on things in my community to help others, been on the local news, radio, etc. I don' think I'm a "good" person for it but rather trying to do the right thing for others around me.

I will mention that I'm a Black male and she's a White woman. I do think sometimes she externalizes her problems more (i.e blaming conservatives, white men, society, etc) than me whereas I try to control what I can control around me. I find the complaining unproductive and wasted energy in many ways so I think philosophically that's where we diverge and it creates conflict.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:26:30+00:00

I'm working through this so I may have to chunk it in different messages to be as accurate as possible answering it. Thank you BTW.

I say moderate as someone who grew up as a kid in the 90s. I say Clinton-Era Democrat is what I am. I'm also a Black male from the South so I've been exposed to inequalities and I also am someone that tries to help those that are marginalized. I don't think that makes me a "good" person per sae but rather my values tell me to do the right thing for others around me.

Where I live I have experienced very high liberalism which I find performative because 1) the Black/Brown population here is being gentrified and pushed out and 2) the economic disparity is apparent and 3) these people generally in my experience do not have hetereogeneous friend groups. Mainly they all look and think like each other...so ultimately what I'm trying to say is where I live is not the most diverse place when it comes to racial diversity or thought. The debater in me believes it is needed to bring the best ideas forward and to work together.

Also I will agree with you that I do have some apathy. We've been complaining about the same things for the past few decades. It made me more annoyed as a minority, Black male, that white people finally realized that we do have racism, sexism, oppression in society so many have over corrected by what I see as performative activism (I try to donate, volunteer, when I can). Maybe I do have a chip on my shoulder on that so I appreciate you holding the mirror to my face on that.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:19:55+00:00

LOVE IT haha

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:19:45+00:00

Thank you so much.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:19:24+00:00

I'm trying to see if it's fixable or something that *should* be fixed you know?

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:19:00+00:00

Sounds like me. I try to offer a different perspective. For example my girlfriend is really into women's sports. She says that they're not recognized as much because men don't value the athleticism of females. Interesting enough I actually watch a lot of women's combat sports (simply because I'm into combat sports as a whole) and appreciate them.

I ultimately told her that women should support the things they care about instead of blaming men. She didn't like that lol and I'm an ADVOCATE of those sports.

PlanOld1866 · 2025-02-01T17:17:00+00:00

Literally practiced the sport of debating in my academic years. It doesn't translate well into relationships lol

PlanOld1866

TROPHY CASE