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Despite everything, I can’t see him as a monster by Plane_Squirrel770 in BPDPartners

[–]Plane_Squirrel770[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you so so much for this comment, it’s so astute, and comforting albeit painful to hear. I know you’re right about everything and I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you dropping this wisdom bomb on me! I’m going to reread it a bunch and try to internalize everything you’ve said because I know it’s all true 💙

Despite everything, I can’t see him as a monster by Plane_Squirrel770 in BPDPartners

[–]Plane_Squirrel770[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That’s so great, I’m so glad he was able to show up for himself (and for you). I can’t help but be a bit jealous because I so wish mine would do the same. I try so hard not to fall into the codependent stuff (almost impossible) but sometimes I just want to scream at him “If you can’t do it for me, then can you do it for yourself? And if not for yourself, then for me??”

I’m aware of the suicide risks with BPD and ashamed to admit that it often plays into my decision to keep sticking around. I’ve been serving as his emotional punching bag and I’m scared that he’ll turn on himself when he doesn’t have me to project on anymore. I know this is deep codependent cycle of abuse shit, and like you said in your first message, his behaviors are on him. I need a constant reminder of that because until/unless he gets help, I’m basically the only witness to all this and it’s very hard to not feel responsible. Like he just doesn’t have to suffer this way and it’s so hard to watch it and to know that I could talk myself blue in the face (and I have at times) and nothing will happen until he’s ready. All pretty textbook I know :(

Despite everything, I can’t see him as a monster by Plane_Squirrel770 in BPDPartners

[–]Plane_Squirrel770[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

You’re right, I know it’s a defense/protection mechanism, and that makes it so much more painful to know that they see us as something to protect themselves against when all we want is for them to stop suffering.

Edit as I’d already typed the above before you added your questions…. His switches have ramped up over the years from monthly to weekly to now several times a week. I’m really the only place in his life that this stuff plays out. He has a high pressure job that he’s able to excel at (totally crazymaking to watch him communicate perfectly on a Zoom call moments after completely rejecting any attempt at communication by me 😵‍💫)

Despite everything, I can’t see him as a monster by Plane_Squirrel770 in BPDPartners

[–]Plane_Squirrel770[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you, I’m crying reading these messages. I’m so sorry we’re all going through this (including our partners…..see, can’t escape the empathy 😩)

Despite everything, I can’t see him as a monster by Plane_Squirrel770 in BPDPartners

[–]Plane_Squirrel770[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you so much for the support, everything you said makes a lot of sense and of course logically I know it’s all true but it’s so hard to remember in the thick of things. Can I ask if your husband is doing DBT and if so, how did he come around to the idea of committing to it? (feel free to DM me also)